Day 10: The Little I Can Say

I have a calendar I've printed to keep track of the topics I've used for posts so far this month, and the topics I'm planning to use, and the dates I plan to write about them. Looking at the calendar, I see I had originally planned to write up kind of a reaction piece to that "Vax Live" concert that was broadcast Saturday night. I watched some of it until it began to feel too forced and preachy, so I knew I needed something else. Then I spent most of my morning stressing about whether or not I was going to need to get a new washing machine after mine crapped out on my this weekend. When I found out that I absolutely need a new one, the problem was resolved and the stress was gone, along with any real motivation to write about it. 

Motivation is a big part of being able to do this daily post throughout May exercise. When I sit down to write something, I have to have an idea that's going to pull me into it so I have something to say. I've had some posts over the years that I've forced myself to do and they never seem authentic to me, so I try to steer around doing that kind of thing. I work best under this kind of pressure if there's something I feel.

There's something I feel tonight, something I feel strongly about. Unfortunately, for reasons that will have to be left frustratingly vague for some, I can't really write a post about it and publish it on the Internet. To paraphrase the girlfriend who dumped Mark Zuckerberg in the movie The Social Network: The internet is written in ink, which means it's not always the best media to use. 

I can say this much: For the people the most directly affected, I understand. I empathize. As I'm working to determine my place in everything and what my role and priorities will eventually be, I promise I'll do what I can to be supportive of what you're experiencing in whatever form you might need. I like to think of myself as a good listener, and someone with perspectives to offer that can help people process what they're thinking and feeling. There are ways all of this could work out, as shocking as it is right now. 

And seriously, any readers who come across this and feel anything between confusion and alarm, I'll say two things: Don't worry about me. And don't bother posting any comments or questions on social media trying to find out more about what's happening. If you know, you know. If you don't, there's no reason to wonder.

Whatever will be will be, because that's what we will make it.