Surfing Down the Avalanche, or Jumping Off the Cliff

Self-indulgent writer alert....

October 29th. This is likely to be my last post before NaNoWriMo 2010 begins.

Last night, for the sake of curiosity more than anything else, I played through the iTunes playlist I fine-tuned a year ago into what eventually became my "Following Infinity" writing soundtrack. Even though so many people have read that manuscript now that I can't even remember who's seen it and who hasn't, I feel they've missed out on the full experience without hearing the music I listened to while writing it. I can't separate the ideas from the songs I played that inspired the tone of the writing. I can't separate the emotion I tried to convey from the emotion that these songs inspired. I listen to this playlist in order, and I'm back inside Molly's head. I feel her pain and confusion, and her ultimate steps toward closure. I smell the smoke on Frank's jacket. I hear Ali singing along with the radio even though she never did in the book, because she did during parts of the story that I didn't write but, for me, still happened with as much authenticity as anything I did write. I remember what it felt like when Molly's knees gave out from underneath her when she broke down, because the same thing happened to me once.

And revisiting all of this actually makes this year's attempt seem all the more daunting. Most of the people who know me and are familiar with my daily life felt they had a pretty good bead on who I modeled Molly after, and to a certain degree they weren't wrong. But a lot more of her came from my experiences than from anywhere or anyone else. And this year? The story I'm going after is a lot less personal. So there's going to be a lot less for me to tap into. Which is okay. I really feel that my approach to writing has changed dramatically in just the past three or four months, and I'm excited to see what that's going to do. I've got tons of ideas for this new project, and I'm anxious to start playing them out.

But the problem is I've only got it figured out to a point. I have what I think is about a third of what will ultimately be the whole book plotted out in fair detail: I know my two main characters. and I know what drives them. I know what matters to them most. I know what they love and what they fear. I know where they are as the story begins, and I know what carries them into the catalyst of not just the main plot line, but what could be at least three concurrent subplots as well. I know how one innocent kiss will bring them together in a way that neither of them ever would have imagined in the beginning. And I know that soon after that, their worlds will start to unravel.

I just don't know WHY yet.

I know why it needs to happen, and I have a general idea of what will happen in the wake of the unraveling, but I don't know how to get there yet. There have been many possibilities jumping up at me, but so far none of them have really stuck. There's not that satisfying feeling of things sliding into place because they are exactly as they should be. And this means I'm throwing a lot of faith behind the idea of letting the characters further develop as the story comes together, and hoping the added definition of who they are will show me what direction to go. It would also be great if somewhere along the line here, I can come up with a title that doesn't completely suck.

So there's a vague sense of adventure in beginning this. I'd love to start tonight, but I can't begin officially until midnight, Nov. 1, and if I am anything at my core it's an obsessive rule-follower. So I will wait. But I'll plot, and note-take, and diagram, and whatever else I can to do give myself a head start. And I'll write up my lesson plans for the week so I don't have to bother with them during the school nights I'll be writing. And I'll format lesson plans through Thanksgiving so I can save time in the coming weeks. And I'll clean the house within an inch of its life this weekend because I know that's going to get neglected until I'm done. And I'll plan out what my meals will be for the next week down to the portion size, just to eliminate the random bits of time wasted by trying to decide what to eat. And I'll set the DVR so I can pace out my TV watching during the week to allow myself time to write each evening, and even more time over the weekends (hey, you have to clear your head somehow). I'll plan out which nights I HAVE to go to the Y, and know exactly what my workouts will be while I'm there, and know exactly how long they will take me, from the moment I leave the house to the moment I get home, or at least within 10-15 minutes, which still feels pretty precise. I know my Bejeweled Blitz skills will fall off quite a bit, as well as my Angry Bird skills and Cut the Rope skills. The XBox and the DVD player are going to be active dust collectors through Thanksgiving.

To "win," I have to hit 50,000 words. "Following Infinity" drafted at 51,000 odd words, and was edited down to about 40,000, which is on the edge of being short. This time through, I'm aiming for somewhere in the neighborhood of 60,000-70,000, just because I know what will happen to it in the aftermath.

And just for the sake of anyone who cares, I do have the beginnings of a new writing soundtrack coming together. I'm sure some songs will stand out as more important as I write, as some already have, and others will be set aside. But for the moment, everything on the list comes from music released by Peter Gabriel since 1992. If that means anything to you, then perhaps you'll at least have an idea of the tone I'm going for.

Fifty hours to go. I'll keep my Facebook status updated with word count totals throughout the month. Wish me luck.

Decision

I've made my choice. I'm going with number 5. I'd like you to notice the date of my last post and the date of this one. At some point between those two dates a brand new idea came to life, and its something I definitely want to try. As I always feel at the very beginning of a project, I'm convinced its brilliant. It is definitely unlike anything I have ever attempted before.

Just remember, if you read this someday, the manuscript will have evolved from germination of the idea to completed first draft in just a little over six weeks. Either that will seem impressive or like a monumental waste of time.

Very Open to Suggestions - I Need Some Help

National Novel Writing Month begins in... crap. Sixteen days. And I don't have an idea.

Or at least not ONE idea that I'm sold on. I have several ideas -- a whole Vault with a capital 'V' of ideas. I'm just not entirely sure which one I'd like to pursue.

For those who may be new to the blog (assuming anyone reads it -- I'm still surprised when someone makes a reference to it even existing as something beyond Facebook News Feed spam) National Novel Writing Month, also known as the less-preferable NaNoWrimo, is a project started by some people back when, encouraging people to try their hand at writing an entire book in the span of one month. They define a novel as 50,000 words long, which, depending on what genre you're looking at, is a short-to-average length book.

The first year I was goaded into trying this, I took a pretty good idea and slowly and very gradually drove it into the ground. It's a good idea, but a desperately flawed manuscript that I don't mentally count on my tally if anyone ever asks how many books I've written. It's that weak. Barely first draft weak. Weak and unfinished the point that if I changed a character's name halfway through, I didn't go back and fix it. Maybe someday it will get a revision, but not anytime soon.

The second year I entered into the endeavor more willingly, and came up with a manuscript that some of you out there may know as Following Infinity. The first draft of that actually only took 24 days, and I must say that even though the one literary agent who looked at it brought many necessary revision points to my attention, it's something I'm still very proud of pulling off.

Which brings us to this year. As far as writing goes these days, I'm working on revising another manuscript, code-named "Emily" for those who know what I'm talking about, and taking that from scary to flat-out epic. But as much as I'd like to pound out a revised Emily in one month, revision is delicate work, and nothing about NaNoWrimo is delicate. It's about 2,000 words a day. For kicks, try writing 2,000 words organized around a structured topic just to see how long it takes you. And then imagine doing it for a month, including days you have to go to work, and then eat, and work out... etc. There's a time crunch involved.

So the purpose of my NaNoWriMo experience this year is simple: A work out. It will force my brain into a mode where it's thinking at least equal parts school and writing, and hopefully by the end I'll be much more prepared to get some serious Emily revision accomplished.

So here's where you come in. Since I'm not going to work on Emily, I need a different project. I have a couple possibilities in mind, and I'd like to open things up to see what people think. HOPEFULLY I'm going to get some responses to this so I get a little direction on which project to go with. I'm going to link this post to my Facebook page so more people will see it since that's a wider potential audience, and maybe when these sixteen days are up I'll have enough people commenting to nudge me toward whichever of these I'm probably leaning toward already without realizing it.

So seriously -- please vote. Even if you're just lurking here and have never commented on a post before, I don't care. I'd still like to know what as many people think as possible. Here are the choices: If you vote, you can just tell me which number sounds interesting in your comment, or say anything else you'd like. Thanks in advance to anyone who helps out. I'll tell you a little of each without giving any major plot points away. Here you go:

(1) A middle-grade thriller based around social networking, ethical dilemmas, and kinda/sorta time travel. I've tried starting this at least 4 times and made some progress, but a fresh start into a whole new draft might be what it needs.

(2) A young-adult (teenage audience) comedy about a high-schooler so sick of the problems that come with one aspect of her (or his; I don't know yet) life she enlists several unwitting life coaches to give her advice without realizing they are doing it. This is an idea I've kicked around for a few years that might be ready to try.

(3) A more literary character-based comedy based on the people that populate a certain activity / area of the course of a summer. I would have to try and tap into some degree of inner Garrison Keillor for this to work, but it would be fun to try.

(4) I recently saw a picture of two sisters. Not mine, for the record. The composition of this picture is highly evocative, the kind of picture that really does tell a story. I just looked at it for a few minutes and saw the back story behind it coming to life. Happy and beautiful and tragic. It might be interesting to explore this.

(5) None of the above. Just sitting down with no idea and starting and see how deep of a hole I get into and what I do to get out of it.

So... ANY SUGGESTIONS??

Memorial

To commemorate the 6th year anniversary of my sister's death, here's a brief excerpt from the memoir I wrote about the days surrounding all of that.

As always, if anyone reading this is interested in seeing the whole manuscript, let me know and I'll somehow get a copy for you to look at.

**************

I quietly stepped away from the crowd still congregating in Erin’s room with the lights still down, speaking in the hushed tones of late night but not with the same cautious quiet there had been when there was a danger of waking her. I went to the front door and stepped outside. It was early Tuesday morning now, October 5th. I stood out in the dark as it occurred to me for the first time that would be the date on the marker by her grave. October 5th had always been just another date to me, one of the dates that passed with little consequence. Another page to be torn off the desk calendar and discarded. When Erin died, October 5th took on a new importance, and did so with such immediacy it was as though it had been a landmark date all along, a date that had a depth and resonance I had somehow managed to overlook my entire life and suddenly understood.

I looked up at the sky. It was a cool night and the sky was crystal clear. Elk River is a fair distance from the Cities, so the nights out there aren’t as affected by the light pollution as the skies above my own home, the skies I stare into when taking Spencer out for his final walk of the night. There were so many more stars there, and the sky looked infinite. I stood there for a few minutes wondering about where Erin was, what she was doing, what form she had taken. Was she in Heaven already, or did she have a journey to complete before getting there? Was she still hovering in that corner of her bedroom, watching over everyone as they were slowly recovering from the shock? Did she see me leave and follow me outside? As I looked up into the stars, the only conclusion I could reach was my sister as I knew her was now gone, and had become something far beyond what I could understand.