And so the momentum project finally comes to a close. It was a year ago I figured taking on a New Year's resolution was too ambitious and too long-term of a project to sustain, so instead I'd try a different "project" each month. To review:
JANUARY: Finish the 2012 NaNoWriMo manuscript. FAIL. Even though I was over 60,000 words by the end of November, I didn't push through to the end of what was a particularly ambitious story. At least not yet. I still mean to finish it someday.
FEBRUARY: Make healthy choices whenever the opportunities presented themselves. SUCCESS. I wasn't perfect, but I held to the idea pretty well. Unfortunately it takes more than 28 days to establish a long-term habit, so that idea faded off once the accountability was gone.
MARCH: Organize all of my digital files. FAIL. Turns out I have a lot of them, and I care far less about how organized they are than I thought I did.
APRIL: Really clean the house. SUCCESS. But I had the pressure of Taco Party #1 to motivate me.
MAY: Write a blog post every day for a month. SUCCESS, in the sense that I actually did it. But the result made me reconsider my reasons for bothering to continue the blog at all -- something I've been thinking about ever since then, and even more in the past few days with a new year right around the corner.
JUNE: Fall off the face of the earth. SUCCESS. After the way the school year ended, I needed time to just let life drift along. June took care of that nicely.
JULY: Finish my "Following Infinity" rewrite. SUCCESS. Now its just waiting for the world to discover it, even if that means one person at a time for the present.
AUGUST: Get myself mentally ready for the school year. Qualified SUCCESS, because I wasn't as ready to dive back in as I wanted to be. But a well-timed vacation and a few other moments gave me some valuable perspective.
SEPTEMBER: Stay on top of life. SUCCESS. Normally by the time the school year is a few weeks old, I've become swamped with the things I need to do between my teaching and my civilian life. Some proactive thinking helped a lot. Happily I've done fairly well at maintaining this.
OCTOBER: Prepare for NaNoWriMo 2013. SUCCESS. By the time I reached the end of the month, I was ready to tear into the new manuscript with a pile of ideas and plot devices and a busload of fairly developed characters just waiting for more definition.
NOVEMBER: Reach the NaNoWriMo goal of writing 50,000 words in a month. Which I did, but once again, even if I wound up with a word count that topped 70,000 by the time the month ended I still haven't finish the story. Yet.
Which brings us to DECEMBER, in which I set the goal of having a happy month. With only a couple days left I think I can call this one a success. Not only did I manage to avoid the unpleasant moments that made the previous December so difficult, but I had some happier ones take their place. And this whole late December/all of January time of the year is not my favorite, so to feel like the month went well is a pretty big thing.
Where does this leave me at the end of 2013? It's nice knowing I stuck to the project for the whole year, but few of the things I tried to do made any difference in the end, so the point could be argued that the endeavor was a waste of time... at least outside of the goals related to writing, which are probably things I would have done anyway and just used as placeholders to avoid taking on goals that would have been more challenging or significant.
So I don't think I'll be continuing any of this project-of-the-month business anymore. And I don't see any resolutions being made for 2014. There are still things about life I would like to learn or experience or change or improve, but to make any of those stated goals with deadlines would only add pressure that wouldn't help get them done. Maybe 2014 won't be a year for a resolution, but instead just a year that I decide to give some new things a try.
But regardless of how the project turned out, I think it's fair to say that in 2013 I at least made it down the hill when it came to writing. As for what comes next? This year's experience of taking a four-year-old manuscript out of the archive and seeing it come back to life in exciting ways is proof there's really no way to tell what the future holds -- an idea that both excites and intimidates me. Someone told me not long ago they were confident I had a big year ahead of me. Maybe. Maybe not. There's no way to see it coming until it happens. All anyone can ever do is put themselves in the best positions possible for when the right opportunities come along. For all I know the next few weeks could bring on some big changes, or the whole year could just quietly pass by.
Now it's just a matter of being ready to live with whatever comes along.
Sunday, December 29, 2013
Saturday, December 14, 2013
Christmas Traditions: Then and Now
A few years ago my parents downsized from their house overlooking the lake to a smaller but comfortable town home. A lot of their stuff wound up getting thrown out or given away or donated as they prepared for moving day. One afternoon I was looking through a pile in their garage that had been earmarked for downsizing, and found two boxes of glass Christmas tree bulbs that I immediately recognized. They were each designed in solid metallic colors with a variety of Christmas-themed landscapes intricately painted on the sides. Those bulbs were as much of Christmas for me as the blocky Styrofoam chimney my sisters and I had hung our stockings on each year, or the ugly string of yellow plastic bells that probably looked thirty years old the day they were bought, or the figures in the Nativity scene that at least one of my sisters and I treated like action figures more than we likely should have.
I was shocked to see those bulbs on the discard pile, even if they hadn’t been brought out and put on any Christmas tree for close to twenty years. I picked them up, carefully set them in my car and brought them home, thinking they were too precious to be done away with. The old bulbs added some holiday nostalgia to my own collection of ornaments, most of which are gifts from students. I used to keep student ornaments on a small four-foot tree in my classroom, but times have changed enough during my career that it made more sense to just bring them all home. I can’t say I’ve kept all of the ornaments, or mugs, or candles, or decorations, or food, or cards I’ve received from students over the years, but I’ve hung onto the items that were important to me. In fact most of my Christmas decorations have some meaning attached to them, and every year when I get them back out I wind up revisiting whatever memories they inspire.
My family always had a general routine around Christmas when I was young. It varied a little year to year, but it usually involved someone singing in a choir on Christmas Eve and all of us driving up to my grandmother’s in Superior either later that night or early on Christmas morning. I always enjoyed making the trip on Christmas Eve. I have distinct memories of sitting in the back seat of the car and watching the darkness outside pass by, only interrupted by the starlight above and occasional bursts of color from displays of holiday lights close enough to the highway for us to see. We’d listen to WCCO on a lot of those drives since the car radio could hold the AM signal longer. Any other time of year this would bore my childhood self into numbness, but on Christmas Eve it filled our car with songs and stories that made everything about the holiday somehow seem bigger and broader. And spending Christmas at my grandmother's house was unparalleled. Taking the time to describe every memory about it that made it special would only double the length of a post that's going to end up too long as it is.
As we got older, the routine became a visit to my cousin’s house for dinner and watching her young sons excitedly tear open a few early presents on Christmas Eve, followed by time with our own family on Christmas Day. Now those same two sons of hers are adults and have sons of their own. We still get together on Christmas Eve, but these days we’ll go out to dinner instead.
When I’m home during the Christmas season, I’ll almost always have holiday music playing in the background. I have enough of it in my music library so I don’t wind up hearing the same twelve tired songs over and over, and many of the songs have personal history and attachment for me. Some, in fact, go as far back as childhood, songs or albums that I added to my own library because the connections to my past were too strong to put aside. I can play the holiday music on shuffle and hear a good number of more contemporary songs in the mix, but when one of those older songs come up, something from my parents’ record collection that we only dug out for a few weeks every year, the house will just feel a little warmer for a few minutes.
The same could be said for holiday specials on TV as well. Back in the pre-VCR days of five channels to pick from, it was an absolute treat when any of the Christmas specials came on. My sisters and I would run around the house burning off our excitement in the minutes before they started, then sat unmoving on our enormous yellow couch until the closing credits rolled by. These days it’s more likely I’ll look for a favorite Christmas movie to watch if I’m in the mood, sometimes even bringing something up from On Demand. But I’ll admit to still making “A Charlie Brown Christmas” into appointment television every year. And it’s still too painful to sit through “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” knowing how much Erin loved it. I don’t imagine that will ever change.
I can remember seeing Christmas cards show up in the mail back in childhood, and feeling disappointed when they came from people I didn’t know. I’d wonder, who are these people I’ve never seen before? A part of me would hope they wouldn’t come over to catch up with our family, because that usually meant they would bring kids we didn’t know, and we’d be forced into the basement to play with these weird strangers for a few eternal hours while the adults visited. When I was old enough to start sending out my own Christmas cards, I did at first with almost a sense of obligation, thinking this was the kind of thing that adults were supposed to do. I went through the motions of it all, even making a couple of photo cards along the way, but my heart was rarely in it. I always enjoyed (and still do!) receiving cards much more than sending them.
Now I’ve pretty much given up on Christmas cards. I figure that anyone who knows me well enough to make it onto a potential card list is already familiar with my Groundhog Day of a life, and it’s not really worth the effort of sending out minor updates to people who are only a degree or two from my daily life or my social network. Maybe someday a year will arrive worth reporting the details and I’ll be inspired to start up with cards again, but for now here are the messages I would’ve shared with those important to me this year. I know many of the people I’d write to likely won’t see this -- or can’t, in some cases -- but here’s at least what I’d say, just in case they do. To save anyone (including myself) potential embarrassment, I’ll leave the list anonymous. I’d like to think the people who’d receive these messages would recognize which are directed toward them.
*You’ve had some ups and downs this year, but I’m happy things are ending with ups.
*Though it feels like I’ve had several older brothers my whole life, you were probably the closest to ever taking on that role for real. It was good having you around.
*I get why you worry, but you really don’t need to.
*It makes me feel good seeing the person and father you are.
*I’m glad you’re still around.
*I’m very happy about the life you get to have.
*You’ve been one of my closest friends for the better part of my life.
*Congratulations, good sir. You and yours have had quite the year.
*Even if I should know better, I trust you almost more than anyone else.
*As much stress as your life can bring, I like knowing you’re happier.
*I’m glad things are turning around for you. It’s well-deserved.
*Try not to break anything.
*You are becoming way more interesting than I ever would have predicted.
*Few people, if any, can make me laugh like you can. There are a lot of reasons why people enjoy being with you.
*You are, with good reason, probably the most universally loved person I know.
*It means the world to me knowing I’ve always been able to rely on you.
*I still don’t know why you worked so hard at steamrolling your way into my inner circle, but I’m glad you did.
*I feel as much at home with the two of you as I do anywhere else.
*I miss you.
*It sneaks up on me sometimes to realize how much history we have, but I’m glad it’s there. I’m amazed by who you’ve become.
*It’s been good seeing you pop your head up more this year.
*The times you included me when you didn’t have to made a huge difference.
*I’m thinking of you every day. I hope things are going in the right direction.
*Self-discovery isn’t always an easy path, but it’s important. Just make sure you don’t get stuck. Happiness is a goal worth chasing.
*You’re an incredible person, even if it doesn’t always feel like others appreciate that.
*I haven’t completely figured you out yet, but I’m glad I still get occasional chances to try.
Traditions don’t really fade away or disappear. They just evolve along with us, and become whatever we need them to be. Here’s hoping whatever traditions you and yours are either continuing this year or are just beginning will bring peace and happiness to your lives.
I was shocked to see those bulbs on the discard pile, even if they hadn’t been brought out and put on any Christmas tree for close to twenty years. I picked them up, carefully set them in my car and brought them home, thinking they were too precious to be done away with. The old bulbs added some holiday nostalgia to my own collection of ornaments, most of which are gifts from students. I used to keep student ornaments on a small four-foot tree in my classroom, but times have changed enough during my career that it made more sense to just bring them all home. I can’t say I’ve kept all of the ornaments, or mugs, or candles, or decorations, or food, or cards I’ve received from students over the years, but I’ve hung onto the items that were important to me. In fact most of my Christmas decorations have some meaning attached to them, and every year when I get them back out I wind up revisiting whatever memories they inspire.
My family always had a general routine around Christmas when I was young. It varied a little year to year, but it usually involved someone singing in a choir on Christmas Eve and all of us driving up to my grandmother’s in Superior either later that night or early on Christmas morning. I always enjoyed making the trip on Christmas Eve. I have distinct memories of sitting in the back seat of the car and watching the darkness outside pass by, only interrupted by the starlight above and occasional bursts of color from displays of holiday lights close enough to the highway for us to see. We’d listen to WCCO on a lot of those drives since the car radio could hold the AM signal longer. Any other time of year this would bore my childhood self into numbness, but on Christmas Eve it filled our car with songs and stories that made everything about the holiday somehow seem bigger and broader. And spending Christmas at my grandmother's house was unparalleled. Taking the time to describe every memory about it that made it special would only double the length of a post that's going to end up too long as it is.
As we got older, the routine became a visit to my cousin’s house for dinner and watching her young sons excitedly tear open a few early presents on Christmas Eve, followed by time with our own family on Christmas Day. Now those same two sons of hers are adults and have sons of their own. We still get together on Christmas Eve, but these days we’ll go out to dinner instead.
When I’m home during the Christmas season, I’ll almost always have holiday music playing in the background. I have enough of it in my music library so I don’t wind up hearing the same twelve tired songs over and over, and many of the songs have personal history and attachment for me. Some, in fact, go as far back as childhood, songs or albums that I added to my own library because the connections to my past were too strong to put aside. I can play the holiday music on shuffle and hear a good number of more contemporary songs in the mix, but when one of those older songs come up, something from my parents’ record collection that we only dug out for a few weeks every year, the house will just feel a little warmer for a few minutes.
The same could be said for holiday specials on TV as well. Back in the pre-VCR days of five channels to pick from, it was an absolute treat when any of the Christmas specials came on. My sisters and I would run around the house burning off our excitement in the minutes before they started, then sat unmoving on our enormous yellow couch until the closing credits rolled by. These days it’s more likely I’ll look for a favorite Christmas movie to watch if I’m in the mood, sometimes even bringing something up from On Demand. But I’ll admit to still making “A Charlie Brown Christmas” into appointment television every year. And it’s still too painful to sit through “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” knowing how much Erin loved it. I don’t imagine that will ever change.
I can remember seeing Christmas cards show up in the mail back in childhood, and feeling disappointed when they came from people I didn’t know. I’d wonder, who are these people I’ve never seen before? A part of me would hope they wouldn’t come over to catch up with our family, because that usually meant they would bring kids we didn’t know, and we’d be forced into the basement to play with these weird strangers for a few eternal hours while the adults visited. When I was old enough to start sending out my own Christmas cards, I did at first with almost a sense of obligation, thinking this was the kind of thing that adults were supposed to do. I went through the motions of it all, even making a couple of photo cards along the way, but my heart was rarely in it. I always enjoyed (and still do!) receiving cards much more than sending them.
Now I’ve pretty much given up on Christmas cards. I figure that anyone who knows me well enough to make it onto a potential card list is already familiar with my Groundhog Day of a life, and it’s not really worth the effort of sending out minor updates to people who are only a degree or two from my daily life or my social network. Maybe someday a year will arrive worth reporting the details and I’ll be inspired to start up with cards again, but for now here are the messages I would’ve shared with those important to me this year. I know many of the people I’d write to likely won’t see this -- or can’t, in some cases -- but here’s at least what I’d say, just in case they do. To save anyone (including myself) potential embarrassment, I’ll leave the list anonymous. I’d like to think the people who’d receive these messages would recognize which are directed toward them.
*You’ve had some ups and downs this year, but I’m happy things are ending with ups.
*Though it feels like I’ve had several older brothers my whole life, you were probably the closest to ever taking on that role for real. It was good having you around.
*I get why you worry, but you really don’t need to.
*It makes me feel good seeing the person and father you are.
*I’m glad you’re still around.
*I’m very happy about the life you get to have.
*You’ve been one of my closest friends for the better part of my life.
*Congratulations, good sir. You and yours have had quite the year.
*Even if I should know better, I trust you almost more than anyone else.
*As much stress as your life can bring, I like knowing you’re happier.
*I’m glad things are turning around for you. It’s well-deserved.
*Try not to break anything.
*You are becoming way more interesting than I ever would have predicted.
*Few people, if any, can make me laugh like you can. There are a lot of reasons why people enjoy being with you.
*You are, with good reason, probably the most universally loved person I know.
*It means the world to me knowing I’ve always been able to rely on you.
*I still don’t know why you worked so hard at steamrolling your way into my inner circle, but I’m glad you did.
*I feel as much at home with the two of you as I do anywhere else.
*I miss you.
*It sneaks up on me sometimes to realize how much history we have, but I’m glad it’s there. I’m amazed by who you’ve become.
*It’s been good seeing you pop your head up more this year.
*The times you included me when you didn’t have to made a huge difference.
*I’m thinking of you every day. I hope things are going in the right direction.
*Self-discovery isn’t always an easy path, but it’s important. Just make sure you don’t get stuck. Happiness is a goal worth chasing.
*You’re an incredible person, even if it doesn’t always feel like others appreciate that.
*I haven’t completely figured you out yet, but I’m glad I still get occasional chances to try.
Traditions don’t really fade away or disappear. They just evolve along with us, and become whatever we need them to be. Here’s hoping whatever traditions you and yours are either continuing this year or are just beginning will bring peace and happiness to your lives.
Sunday, December 1, 2013
Eleven Down
November is over, and my goal for the month was a... qualified success. The success part comes into this because I did actually reach the 50,000-word NaNoWriMo "win" benchmark. But let's face it; after five previous years with winning marks it wasn't really a question of if I would win but what the final word count would be. And I say qualified because I didn't reach my secondary goal of finishing the manuscript. Granted, this one did balloon into something larger than I expected. But I tend to see the goals I set for myself in some pretty harshly defined either/or terms. Setting a goal to write 50,000 words in November for me would like saying "My goal is to get out of bed eventually and eat something every day." So saying November was a success feels a bit like a cheat -- even at 68,000 words. I still didn't finish yet. And I should probably give up on trying to explain why I see that as a failure before even more people begin to think I'm crazy. (But it is though. Even if just temporarily. I am going to finish this one, and sooner rather than later. Then I'll be able to let it go.)
So now I'm at my final month-long goal for 2013. This one will seem fairly simple: My goal for December is to have a happy month. Last year December wound up being something of a darkish time for me, and it came on in a very sudden way: All it took was one person saying one thing. I'm sure she didn't intend her comment to be as damaging as it was, but the damage was done all the same and things just went downhill from there. I would really rather not go through that experience again, so I'm going to make a serious effort to steer around a rerun of December 2012.
The best chance I can see at having a happy month will be to stay aware of the goal each day, then remind myself what I'm trying to do and why I'm doing it. December can be an overwhelming time all on its own with so many demands on our time and attention, but there are a lot of good things about it as well. With all of those positives, there should be plenty of chances for me to actively shove the pendulum in the other direction. I'm going to try to be more aware of the good moments when I find myself inside of them, and cross my fingers that from time to time things will just wind up going my way.
I'm not really happy about posting all of this (and anyone who knows how guarded I am won't be surprised by that), but I told myself in the beginning of the year that whatever goals I went after would be things I'd discuss openly here to hold myself accountable. And this is it -- the last goal of the 2013 Momentum project, and tonight it feels like one of the more important ones. Here's hoping the year goes out on a high note....
So now I'm at my final month-long goal for 2013. This one will seem fairly simple: My goal for December is to have a happy month. Last year December wound up being something of a darkish time for me, and it came on in a very sudden way: All it took was one person saying one thing. I'm sure she didn't intend her comment to be as damaging as it was, but the damage was done all the same and things just went downhill from there. I would really rather not go through that experience again, so I'm going to make a serious effort to steer around a rerun of December 2012.
The best chance I can see at having a happy month will be to stay aware of the goal each day, then remind myself what I'm trying to do and why I'm doing it. December can be an overwhelming time all on its own with so many demands on our time and attention, but there are a lot of good things about it as well. With all of those positives, there should be plenty of chances for me to actively shove the pendulum in the other direction. I'm going to try to be more aware of the good moments when I find myself inside of them, and cross my fingers that from time to time things will just wind up going my way.
I'm not really happy about posting all of this (and anyone who knows how guarded I am won't be surprised by that), but I told myself in the beginning of the year that whatever goals I went after would be things I'd discuss openly here to hold myself accountable. And this is it -- the last goal of the 2013 Momentum project, and tonight it feels like one of the more important ones. Here's hoping the year goes out on a high note....
Sunday, November 24, 2013
The 50K Mark, and What Comes Next
Nano 2K13 is in the books... and that really isn't a pun that I just made because I think puns are awful, but since falling back on clichés like that seems to be one of my first draft writing crutches and I am really out of practice from doing anything but just letting my stream of consciousness pour out of my fingers without any regards to editing, I'm just going to let that weak phrase and this already out of control sentence stand as a representation of how ugly the first draft of the manuscript I took on this year will be when I eventually finish it. That sentence right there? Word count = 107. That's how you get it done. ANYWAY. Maybe, MAYBE with a little heightened November awareness of my futile attempts at someday becoming a published author, a blog post on the subject will draw a bit more attention than Summer Vacation posts typically see.
Just a quick check in tonight really. I thought I had hit that 50,000 mark early in the afternoon, but then when I went back to revisit the work, I remembered that earlier I had cut and pasted away all of the text from a document called "bayside park football" and replaced it with general story notes. Since I couldn't justify counting story notes as part of the word count, I pushed forward with another sprint and knocked off another four hundred words to hit the mark for real. And do you see what I just did there? Where I wrote "four hundred?" I actually typed that as 400 originally, but then reflexively thought "Hold on -- if I spell that out, it will be worth two words instead one. I'm going back" even if it doesn't matter for this. That's just the mindset now.
I still have six days left in November, and I would really like to think that I can finish the manuscript in that time because I know that if I don't there's a good chance it will wind up being shelved in an unfinished state. And whether or not this one will ever go anywhere (I'm predicting NO), I'd still like to bring it to completion. But right now it is nothing but first draft ugly. And it will keep being first draft ugly for some time. If I don't finish by Nov. 30, I'll keep pressing on at a reduced 1,000 word daily minimum until I'm done, but after that I'm taking a break. I might go back and do another proofread of Infinity, but it's a lot more likely that I'll be catching up on the DVR and firing up the XBox for a time. I'll probably be ready to start editing and revising by the time I get to a nice long winter break this year, and after I throw enough polish on it to hide the ugly, I'll be ready for interested people to take a look. I'd optimistically predict that will be in January, but I realistically know it could wind up being closer to the summer.
But hey, if anyone who's been following the word count this year is THAT curious, I do have other things you could read. Just because they aren't published...yet... doesn't mean they suck. Following Infinity is an emotional buzz saw of a book, and I get the sense that other people feel The Ghost of Lake Emily is creepier and maybe scarier than I had realized it would be. They're both upper middle grade books so the feature characters in that middle-school age range, and they're fast reads. Plus, like I said -- they don't suck. And if you know those two you'll have an appreciation for how far I went out of my comfort zone to get through this current one, which I can say is now is locked down with the title 5th Grade Zen.
Keep an eye on that word count for a few more days. I've crossed the finish line, but I still haven't won the race just yet....
Just a quick check in tonight really. I thought I had hit that 50,000 mark early in the afternoon, but then when I went back to revisit the work, I remembered that earlier I had cut and pasted away all of the text from a document called "bayside park football" and replaced it with general story notes. Since I couldn't justify counting story notes as part of the word count, I pushed forward with another sprint and knocked off another four hundred words to hit the mark for real. And do you see what I just did there? Where I wrote "four hundred?" I actually typed that as 400 originally, but then reflexively thought "Hold on -- if I spell that out, it will be worth two words instead one. I'm going back" even if it doesn't matter for this. That's just the mindset now.
I still have six days left in November, and I would really like to think that I can finish the manuscript in that time because I know that if I don't there's a good chance it will wind up being shelved in an unfinished state. And whether or not this one will ever go anywhere (I'm predicting NO), I'd still like to bring it to completion. But right now it is nothing but first draft ugly. And it will keep being first draft ugly for some time. If I don't finish by Nov. 30, I'll keep pressing on at a reduced 1,000 word daily minimum until I'm done, but after that I'm taking a break. I might go back and do another proofread of Infinity, but it's a lot more likely that I'll be catching up on the DVR and firing up the XBox for a time. I'll probably be ready to start editing and revising by the time I get to a nice long winter break this year, and after I throw enough polish on it to hide the ugly, I'll be ready for interested people to take a look. I'd optimistically predict that will be in January, but I realistically know it could wind up being closer to the summer.
But hey, if anyone who's been following the word count this year is THAT curious, I do have other things you could read. Just because they aren't published...yet... doesn't mean they suck. Following Infinity is an emotional buzz saw of a book, and I get the sense that other people feel The Ghost of Lake Emily is creepier and maybe scarier than I had realized it would be. They're both upper middle grade books so the feature characters in that middle-school age range, and they're fast reads. Plus, like I said -- they don't suck. And if you know those two you'll have an appreciation for how far I went out of my comfort zone to get through this current one, which I can say is now is locked down with the title 5th Grade Zen.
Keep an eye on that word count for a few more days. I've crossed the finish line, but I still haven't won the race just yet....
Friday, November 15, 2013
Day 15: Half a Novel in Half a Month
I was supposed to be bowling right now.
The social committee at my school planned a bowling outing for tonight. We've had two of them before. I've gone to both and planned on going to this one as well, but I wasn't feeling so hot by the end of the day today, and with a big family weekend about to commence I felt it would be better to take the night to pull back and rest up instead. So I'm kind of disappointed about this turn of events, even though I'm pretty sure it was the right thing to do.
But I figured that this might still would work out for the best. I know I won't get much writing done this weekend with everything else going on, and since I'm well ahead of my pace I'm really okay with that. For me reaching the 50,000 word mark isn't really much of a goal because I know I'll make it. After all, I'm five for five in that department since 2008. But this year I'd really like to complete the story in the November time frame, regardless of what the word count winds up being. I surpassed the word count last year, but still haven't finished telling that story. And it feels exactly as incomplete as it sounds.
So far things have been going pretty well this year. If you read my previous post you have some idea about the premise, and as of halfway through the month it's remained pretty true to what I originally planned. The ideas have been flying at my so hard and fast over the past fifteen days weeks I've taken to keeping a Notes file on my phone to write them down before I forget them, and I'll pack a small journal in my gym bag in case something comes to me while I'm working out. And when a really good idea comes along, it doesn't take much extrapolating before it can balloon its way into becoming a whole chapter, and then somehow it just takes turning the puzzle piece around enough times to figure out how it will fit in with what I already have. So as far as story construction goes, I'm very, very happy with the progress I've made.
Of course most of the writing ugly, and I don't mean that in a self-deprecating compliment-fishing way; I mean it's really ugly, as first drafts are meant to be. Any writing that comes this fast just doesn't have the care put into it that it should. Which is okay. As I recently explained to someone, the first draft is only the clay being molded into a rough shape of what the idea is supposed to be, and the real sculpting takes place in the subsequent drafting and editing and revising. This year I'm just working on the drafting without paying much thought to how much work will come afterward to make it into something readable. And actually, that approach has been surprisingly freeing. I seriously think I've come up with different lines and phrases that normally I wouldn't have tried out if I was being as intentionally careful as I normally would be.
But as happy as I am with my progress, all of this writing and thinking and tracking and planning and developing? This whole endeavor is no ride around the lake. I'd liken it to someone trying to complete a triathalon: No matter how prepared you think you are or how many times you've done it before, you aren't going to remember just how soul-draining of an experience it is until you're far enough through it to know the quickest escape is to just keep pushing forward and finish it off. My word count is well above the daily average, but there have been a few days when I've had to limp forward just to knock off a few hundred token words so I can tell myself I actually got something done. And frankly it gets easy to go a little scooters when you're doing this. The idea of down time simply evaporates, and you don't really get an appreciation for how important it is to have that time to just mentally recuperate until you aren't allowing yourself to do it anymore. Sleep isn't just restorative, but it becomes sanctuary... right up until you hit the night when you catch yourself dreaming about your characters. Which sometimes helps, but is also kind of unnerving.
So if anyone was curious about the process beyond what you see in my daily word count, maybe all of this will answer some questions for you. But for now, I've got another fifty minutes ahead of me I can use write now to get a few more pages done, and I have to jump at those time windows when they open.....
The social committee at my school planned a bowling outing for tonight. We've had two of them before. I've gone to both and planned on going to this one as well, but I wasn't feeling so hot by the end of the day today, and with a big family weekend about to commence I felt it would be better to take the night to pull back and rest up instead. So I'm kind of disappointed about this turn of events, even though I'm pretty sure it was the right thing to do.
But I figured that this might still would work out for the best. I know I won't get much writing done this weekend with everything else going on, and since I'm well ahead of my pace I'm really okay with that. For me reaching the 50,000 word mark isn't really much of a goal because I know I'll make it. After all, I'm five for five in that department since 2008. But this year I'd really like to complete the story in the November time frame, regardless of what the word count winds up being. I surpassed the word count last year, but still haven't finished telling that story. And it feels exactly as incomplete as it sounds.
So far things have been going pretty well this year. If you read my previous post you have some idea about the premise, and as of halfway through the month it's remained pretty true to what I originally planned. The ideas have been flying at my so hard and fast over the past fifteen days weeks I've taken to keeping a Notes file on my phone to write them down before I forget them, and I'll pack a small journal in my gym bag in case something comes to me while I'm working out. And when a really good idea comes along, it doesn't take much extrapolating before it can balloon its way into becoming a whole chapter, and then somehow it just takes turning the puzzle piece around enough times to figure out how it will fit in with what I already have. So as far as story construction goes, I'm very, very happy with the progress I've made.
Of course most of the writing ugly, and I don't mean that in a self-deprecating compliment-fishing way; I mean it's really ugly, as first drafts are meant to be. Any writing that comes this fast just doesn't have the care put into it that it should. Which is okay. As I recently explained to someone, the first draft is only the clay being molded into a rough shape of what the idea is supposed to be, and the real sculpting takes place in the subsequent drafting and editing and revising. This year I'm just working on the drafting without paying much thought to how much work will come afterward to make it into something readable. And actually, that approach has been surprisingly freeing. I seriously think I've come up with different lines and phrases that normally I wouldn't have tried out if I was being as intentionally careful as I normally would be.
But as happy as I am with my progress, all of this writing and thinking and tracking and planning and developing? This whole endeavor is no ride around the lake. I'd liken it to someone trying to complete a triathalon: No matter how prepared you think you are or how many times you've done it before, you aren't going to remember just how soul-draining of an experience it is until you're far enough through it to know the quickest escape is to just keep pushing forward and finish it off. My word count is well above the daily average, but there have been a few days when I've had to limp forward just to knock off a few hundred token words so I can tell myself I actually got something done. And frankly it gets easy to go a little scooters when you're doing this. The idea of down time simply evaporates, and you don't really get an appreciation for how important it is to have that time to just mentally recuperate until you aren't allowing yourself to do it anymore. Sleep isn't just restorative, but it becomes sanctuary... right up until you hit the night when you catch yourself dreaming about your characters. Which sometimes helps, but is also kind of unnerving.
So if anyone was curious about the process beyond what you see in my daily word count, maybe all of this will answer some questions for you. But for now, I've got another fifty minutes ahead of me I can use write now to get a few more pages done, and I have to jump at those time windows when they open.....
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Ten Down, or 5th Grade Zen: A Novel
My goal for the month of October was to prepare myself for National Novel Writing Month 2013, which begins in just a couple of days. This will be my.... let me count here.... SIXTH experience with this self-destructive marathon of insanity. Early mornings, late nights, time micro-management, sore shoulders, bleary eyes, living through a constant state of distraction. Is it any wonder why I keep coming back?
To recap, the point of NaNoWriMo -- as it is so unnecessarily and awkwardly abbreviated -- is to challenge people to try and write the first draft of a complete novel within the confines of a calendar month. November to be specific, and yeah, they went and picked one of the shorter months, which makes perfect sense when you’re trying to do something that takes a long time. The benchmark used here to define a novel is writing 50,000 words, which winds up averaging out to 1,667 words daily. The word count is not impossible, but trying to string those 50,000 words together into a coherent and interesting story within 30 days is what makes it interesting.
My track record so far isn’t bad at all, since I’ve “won” or reached the 50,000 mark during each of the five years I’ve participated. Granted, one of those years -- last year, in fact -- didn’t result in a finished novel, but it doesn’t need to be finished to win. What I have done so far on that one is well over 50,000 words, which gives me a nice head start for when I go back to finish it someday. But this year I’m starting with a completely fresh idea... so fresh, in fact, that the idea didn’t even exist until seventeen days ago.
This year, for literally the first time I can ever remember, I’m going to try writing a comedy. I’ve written a lot of scary and atmospherically creepy stuff in my day, and I think it’s safe to say I’ve got the tearjerker down, but I’ve never tried to write a funny story. I’m curious and more than a little anxious to see if I’ll even be able to pull it off. I don’t want to give everything away about it, but I’ll offer a teaser: If you follow my posts on Facebook, you’ve likely come across some Moments of 5th Grade Zen, describing some of the goofy things that happen on a typical day in elementary school. My story this year will explore the idea that several of these silly and ridiculous things might not be accidental, and could actually be carefully planned and coordinated by a group of highly self-aware students with reasons to distract the staff at their school. At least until someone with unexpected ties to the history of their school catches on to the plan....
It should be obvious that my November goal will be to finish the first draft of this manuscript, which is titled (at least for the time being) “5th Grade Zen.” November 1st is coming soon, which means the word count begins building Friday at midnight.
Wish me luck, and stay tuned....
To recap, the point of NaNoWriMo -- as it is so unnecessarily and awkwardly abbreviated -- is to challenge people to try and write the first draft of a complete novel within the confines of a calendar month. November to be specific, and yeah, they went and picked one of the shorter months, which makes perfect sense when you’re trying to do something that takes a long time. The benchmark used here to define a novel is writing 50,000 words, which winds up averaging out to 1,667 words daily. The word count is not impossible, but trying to string those 50,000 words together into a coherent and interesting story within 30 days is what makes it interesting.
My track record so far isn’t bad at all, since I’ve “won” or reached the 50,000 mark during each of the five years I’ve participated. Granted, one of those years -- last year, in fact -- didn’t result in a finished novel, but it doesn’t need to be finished to win. What I have done so far on that one is well over 50,000 words, which gives me a nice head start for when I go back to finish it someday. But this year I’m starting with a completely fresh idea... so fresh, in fact, that the idea didn’t even exist until seventeen days ago.
This year, for literally the first time I can ever remember, I’m going to try writing a comedy. I’ve written a lot of scary and atmospherically creepy stuff in my day, and I think it’s safe to say I’ve got the tearjerker down, but I’ve never tried to write a funny story. I’m curious and more than a little anxious to see if I’ll even be able to pull it off. I don’t want to give everything away about it, but I’ll offer a teaser: If you follow my posts on Facebook, you’ve likely come across some Moments of 5th Grade Zen, describing some of the goofy things that happen on a typical day in elementary school. My story this year will explore the idea that several of these silly and ridiculous things might not be accidental, and could actually be carefully planned and coordinated by a group of highly self-aware students with reasons to distract the staff at their school. At least until someone with unexpected ties to the history of their school catches on to the plan....
It should be obvious that my November goal will be to finish the first draft of this manuscript, which is titled (at least for the time being) “5th Grade Zen.” November 1st is coming soon, which means the word count begins building Friday at midnight.
Wish me luck, and stay tuned....
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Teach Away the Love
Yesterday a teacher I know shared a link with me, in which Avi, the children's author, told a story from his past of a young girl he'd met. She had great writing ability, but over a period of many years her ability seemed to deteriorate. Here's a link to the story if you're curious. It brought up the question in me: If a child has a love for something, can that enthusiasm and interest be driven out of the child by teachers who are directed to follow a mandated curriculum? Can teachers, who are simply doing their jobs as intended, teach away that love by taking the joy out of it and making it something routine?
I spent the better part of the day processing this idea in the back of my head. It reminded me of a TED talk about education I listened to not long ago. The presenter told the story of a day he encountered a kindergarten girl drawing a picture in class. He asked her what she was drawing, and she responded, "God." He told her that nobody really knows what God looks like. The little girl kept on drawing and replied, "They will in a minute."
I thought of that story because I see so many times during the course of a school year how young kids can think they are great at something simply because they enjoy it. Take drawing for example: I don't think it's a stretch to say that most kids younger than 7 would say they're good at drawing because they like to do it. But as they get older, they begin bowing to cultural norms and comparative standards, and several of them will decide they don't measure up to "good" anymore. At which point drawing becomes a chore. I was always the writer kid growing up, and even though I'm primarily a visual learner, I have to force myself to integrate visual cues into my teaching. Just in the past week I created a poster to hang in my classroom reminding my students of steps involved in problem solving, and the amount of time and energy and thought I put into getting this poster just right was probably ridiculous. I likely could have made a poster in five minutes that would have gotten the job done just as well, but because I don't have a lot of confidence with drawing and I knew how public this would be, I went over the top in my planning because I didn't want it to look stupid and figured that's probably the direction it was headed if I wasn't careful. I had any love of drawing driven out of me while in school.
But what drove it out of me? Or was it something that just naturally faded because I didn't have the desire to develop it? It never really was a love, as in something that had potential to evolve into a defining characteristic of who I would become. Writing was always there in some form, away from school, on its own. I had a handful of teachers over the years that greatly encouraged me as I tried to develop that ability, but I can't think of a teacher that would have brought something to me that was so counterproductive it would have turned me off for good, or even started me down that path.
Therefore, I have concluded (after only sort-of thinking about it for a few hours) that a teacher really can't drive out a love. Even that girl Avi wrote about. She may have had ability, but I don't think she really, truly had a love for it. Or if she did, it was more likely the pressures and dynamics of public school had more of an influence on her deteriorating written voice than anything else, particularly if she began adopting age-appropriate bad habits. Maybe she outgrew the beginnings of a love that never had the chance to take hold of her. And who knows -- maybe if she had the right teacher come along at the right time, that could have made the difference for her and brought her to a whole new level of artistic expression. But it seems that wasn't the case.
But I believe that for the teachers who keep trying, the ones who want to bring out the best in their students, the ones who fight through the frustrations and anxieties of working inside an ever-increasingly complex education system -- they're the ones who could someday make the difference. And I can only hope I'm able to put my own name on that list more days than not.
I spent the better part of the day processing this idea in the back of my head. It reminded me of a TED talk about education I listened to not long ago. The presenter told the story of a day he encountered a kindergarten girl drawing a picture in class. He asked her what she was drawing, and she responded, "God." He told her that nobody really knows what God looks like. The little girl kept on drawing and replied, "They will in a minute."
I thought of that story because I see so many times during the course of a school year how young kids can think they are great at something simply because they enjoy it. Take drawing for example: I don't think it's a stretch to say that most kids younger than 7 would say they're good at drawing because they like to do it. But as they get older, they begin bowing to cultural norms and comparative standards, and several of them will decide they don't measure up to "good" anymore. At which point drawing becomes a chore. I was always the writer kid growing up, and even though I'm primarily a visual learner, I have to force myself to integrate visual cues into my teaching. Just in the past week I created a poster to hang in my classroom reminding my students of steps involved in problem solving, and the amount of time and energy and thought I put into getting this poster just right was probably ridiculous. I likely could have made a poster in five minutes that would have gotten the job done just as well, but because I don't have a lot of confidence with drawing and I knew how public this would be, I went over the top in my planning because I didn't want it to look stupid and figured that's probably the direction it was headed if I wasn't careful. I had any love of drawing driven out of me while in school.
But what drove it out of me? Or was it something that just naturally faded because I didn't have the desire to develop it? It never really was a love, as in something that had potential to evolve into a defining characteristic of who I would become. Writing was always there in some form, away from school, on its own. I had a handful of teachers over the years that greatly encouraged me as I tried to develop that ability, but I can't think of a teacher that would have brought something to me that was so counterproductive it would have turned me off for good, or even started me down that path.
Therefore, I have concluded (after only sort-of thinking about it for a few hours) that a teacher really can't drive out a love. Even that girl Avi wrote about. She may have had ability, but I don't think she really, truly had a love for it. Or if she did, it was more likely the pressures and dynamics of public school had more of an influence on her deteriorating written voice than anything else, particularly if she began adopting age-appropriate bad habits. Maybe she outgrew the beginnings of a love that never had the chance to take hold of her. And who knows -- maybe if she had the right teacher come along at the right time, that could have made the difference for her and brought her to a whole new level of artistic expression. But it seems that wasn't the case.
But I believe that for the teachers who keep trying, the ones who want to bring out the best in their students, the ones who fight through the frustrations and anxieties of working inside an ever-increasingly complex education system -- they're the ones who could someday make the difference. And I can only hope I'm able to put my own name on that list more days than not.
Saturday, October 5, 2013
October 5: Nine Observations, Nine Years Out
Here we are at another Oct. 5. For anyone who doesn’t click on the occasional Summer Vacation links and visit here regularly, Oct. 5 is the date my younger sister Erin died, nine years ago today (within the hour as I write this). To commemorate that this year I’m latching onto the number nine for whatever significance it might have, and instead of writing about one big theme related to her I’m breaking up the post into smaller ideas that have been on my mind over the past several days.
1 -- I haven’t been posting much lately and maybe wouldn’t have bothered to even write this one if I didn’t feel compelled to do so. It made me think -- why a special post to mark the date? Why write about it at all? Why share? To what purpose? Am I doing this just for the attention, or to purge any grief that echoes back this time of year, or to find a way to hold onto the grief more tightly and really own it? I know I’m not the only person who’s ever had someone die. I know very well nine years is a long time. But I also realized tonight there are only about sixteen or seventeen people out of the eighty people currently on staff at my school who were around back when Erin was sick and dying. It seems odd to me to be surrounded by so many people on a daily basis who have no real context to appreciate how defining of an event her death was to what my life evolved into. Sometimes I have to remind myself about that, then remember it’s possible people reading this only know anything about her through what I’ve written. But I guess that’s the point of doing it. Her biggest fear was being forgotten after she died. All I’m doing is making sure that doesn’t happen.
2 -- I’ve noticed over the past week that much in the same way I’ll give most of my music library a rest during December and listen to holiday music, I have a short list of albums that get a lot of rotation in late September and early October because of the associations I’ve built between them and her death. If I play Bruce Springsteen’s “The Rising” I’ll remember how my family struggled to maintain any optimism we could find right after she received her first frightening diagnosis. I’ll listen to Peter Gabriel’s “Up” if I have some morbid need to remember what it felt like to let that optimism disappear. I’ll listen to Green Day’s “American Idiot” and recall how it fueled my anger and pain in the weeks right before she died, and how My Chemical Romance’s “The Black Parade” would have been a perfect companion album to it had it been released a year or two earlier. I’ll play through Neal Morse’s “Testimony” or Spock’s Beard’s “Snow” to take in their concurrent overarching themes of darkness and redemption, both of which were very real presences in our lives during those two years.
3 -- To answer definitively the question some people have asked and others have likely wondered: Yes, the manuscript I rewrote this summer, Following Infinity, was heavily inspired by my experiences of losing a sibling. It was really intended to be something of a response to what I heard so many people say as our family was going through the process of watching Erin die and then facing it all after she was gone: “I just can’t imagine what you’re going through.” I always thought after I wrote it, “Yeah? Well, maybe this will give you an idea.” And I think it does. The comment I heard about it from a reader that resonated with me the most came from a friend who read the original draft a few years ago. She had recently experienced a painful loss of her own and after she finished reading it she told me, “I had no idea that everything I was feeling was normal.” It was humbling to hear, but also a relief. Because I didn’t really know all of those feelings were normal at first, either.
4 -- It’s too easy for me to conjure up a false memory of Erin playing with my parents’ dogs, Shamus and Butch, particularly while they are staying at my house. I see them play and I think back to how she played with so many dogs she loved in her lifetime, and it’s all so easy to put those elements together into the same scene. The same could be said for the other dogs in the family -- Willow, Mac, and especially Toby. It doesn’t fit to think we could have these five dogs who are such a big part of our family and she never knew any of them.
5 -- This summer when my family did the Relay for Life it felt like an afterthought. Everything was so routine: I set up the online donation page, we all pasted a few links on our time lines, friends and family made their donations, step by step by step, going through the motions on remote control after doing it all so many times. While there, my older sister and I decided that next year -- which will mark the 10th year after Erin’s death -- should be a year where we really make our Relay participation into something significant. It’s usually held either the first Friday in August or the last one in July, so save the date, people. Everyone is invited. Anyone who has ever been affected by cancer in any way and would like to take a swing at it in retaliation, or just wants to come and hang out on what is usually a pleasant summer evening should make plans now. We’re getting shirts made, we’re going to raise a busload of money, and we’re going to take over the event. I’m ready to say right now that I will put myself through just about any favor people could need help with to raise donations, as long as it isn’t illegal or ethically questionable. You think I’m kidding? Test my limits. I figure for ten years, $10,000 is a nice round goal to aim for.
6-- Erin has been gone long enough that our family has actual traditions about how we commemorate her death each year. But this year, for the first time, our parents are traveling on Oct. 5 and won’t be here to be a part of it. That feels kind of weird. So instead of following through with tradition and organizing a larger event, Jenny and I decided we’d keep it simple and just take an evening to get together and acknowledge the significance of the day. We figured that as important as Erin was (and still is) to so many people, in the end we’re the only ones who could claim her as our sister.
7 -- At one point in the past few days it occurred to me it wouldn’t be a bad idea to do a kind of personal inventory and take a few moments during what is always one of the lowest points of my year to consider what I have in my life that is good. This isn’t always easy to do since I tend toward the self-critical, but I did manage to think of a short list of some very important things: 1) I’ve been able to build myself a reasonably secure and comfortable life, with the support of many people. 2) I have an extraordinary family that consists of several dozen unusually close and loving people; I couldn’t adequately describe what it’s like to live inside of that without sounding like I’m falling back on the kind of superlative language that seems too strongly stated to be real. 3) Even though I am by nature extremely introverted and guarded, and I’m very aware of how that combination of traits makes it difficult for people to feel they know me, I’m still lucky enough to have a tight circle of close friends made up of people I know would do nearly anything for me and vice versa, whether I get to see them every day or a few times a month or maybe only every year or two. They accept and even possibly value my collection of idiosyncrasies. I can find myself genuinely surprised to discover how much they care for me, and I hope they know how appreciative I am that at some point they bothered to push their way into my life as deeply as they have.
8 -- Part of this memorial post business usually involves an excerpt from the memoir I wrote (mostly for myself) following Erin’s death. This could be filed under the category of “Here’s what it was really like if you can’t relate.” This describes what it was like about 48 hours before:
Evening was tough. Erin woke a couple of times just as I was thinking about going home. She snapped wide awake once so Jenny gave her more medication and she was able to drink some water. She even asked for a Popsicle, the closest thing to actual food she'd had in days. She saw I was in the room and asked me to sit behind her on the bed so she could lean against me, letting her sit up and breathe easier as she went back to sleep. I had a painful cramp in my chest after I sat there for a few minutes and my entire right leg fell asleep, but she didn’t weigh much anymore so I got through it. It was hard to sit behind her and see everyone in the room crying as she shuddered her way back to sleep. I started timing my breathing so our rhythms would match and I wouldn’t disturb her. Mom knelt beside the bed holding Erin's hand in both of hers, silently praying. Jenny quietly told her it was okay to let go. My mouth was already behind her ear so I just talked to her, saying much of the same: It's okay to go, you're done fighting now, we'll get through it, you don't need to worry, you don't have to fight anymore, Arthur and Dave and Grandma Grace are waiting for you, you'll be able to run again, you'll laugh without coughing, you'll stand under your own power, you’ll breathe deeply and completely without any pain, you’ll see the ocean whenever you want, you’ll see every moment of your nephews' lives as they grow up, you'll watch sunsets that never have to end. When she was finally calm again I was able to slip out and get some blood back to my leg. It was the last time I would ever see her conscious, and the last time I ever heard her voice.
9 -- There’s a reason I picked that particular passage this year. Not long ago I listened to a podcast episode called “How Dying Works.” It was a fascinating discussion about everything involved in the process. Many of the things mentioned were things I recognized. One point made was that the five senses stop operating at different times, with the sense of touch and the sense of hearing being the last two to go. I heard that and thought back to that final Saturday night as Erin fell back asleep leaning against me while I quietly spoke to her, letting her know it was okay to stop the fight.
Even nine years later, learning that brought me a small moment of closure to know that during that last moment of real connection I had with her she still knew I was there.
1 -- I haven’t been posting much lately and maybe wouldn’t have bothered to even write this one if I didn’t feel compelled to do so. It made me think -- why a special post to mark the date? Why write about it at all? Why share? To what purpose? Am I doing this just for the attention, or to purge any grief that echoes back this time of year, or to find a way to hold onto the grief more tightly and really own it? I know I’m not the only person who’s ever had someone die. I know very well nine years is a long time. But I also realized tonight there are only about sixteen or seventeen people out of the eighty people currently on staff at my school who were around back when Erin was sick and dying. It seems odd to me to be surrounded by so many people on a daily basis who have no real context to appreciate how defining of an event her death was to what my life evolved into. Sometimes I have to remind myself about that, then remember it’s possible people reading this only know anything about her through what I’ve written. But I guess that’s the point of doing it. Her biggest fear was being forgotten after she died. All I’m doing is making sure that doesn’t happen.
2 -- I’ve noticed over the past week that much in the same way I’ll give most of my music library a rest during December and listen to holiday music, I have a short list of albums that get a lot of rotation in late September and early October because of the associations I’ve built between them and her death. If I play Bruce Springsteen’s “The Rising” I’ll remember how my family struggled to maintain any optimism we could find right after she received her first frightening diagnosis. I’ll listen to Peter Gabriel’s “Up” if I have some morbid need to remember what it felt like to let that optimism disappear. I’ll listen to Green Day’s “American Idiot” and recall how it fueled my anger and pain in the weeks right before she died, and how My Chemical Romance’s “The Black Parade” would have been a perfect companion album to it had it been released a year or two earlier. I’ll play through Neal Morse’s “Testimony” or Spock’s Beard’s “Snow” to take in their concurrent overarching themes of darkness and redemption, both of which were very real presences in our lives during those two years.
3 -- To answer definitively the question some people have asked and others have likely wondered: Yes, the manuscript I rewrote this summer, Following Infinity, was heavily inspired by my experiences of losing a sibling. It was really intended to be something of a response to what I heard so many people say as our family was going through the process of watching Erin die and then facing it all after she was gone: “I just can’t imagine what you’re going through.” I always thought after I wrote it, “Yeah? Well, maybe this will give you an idea.” And I think it does. The comment I heard about it from a reader that resonated with me the most came from a friend who read the original draft a few years ago. She had recently experienced a painful loss of her own and after she finished reading it she told me, “I had no idea that everything I was feeling was normal.” It was humbling to hear, but also a relief. Because I didn’t really know all of those feelings were normal at first, either.
4 -- It’s too easy for me to conjure up a false memory of Erin playing with my parents’ dogs, Shamus and Butch, particularly while they are staying at my house. I see them play and I think back to how she played with so many dogs she loved in her lifetime, and it’s all so easy to put those elements together into the same scene. The same could be said for the other dogs in the family -- Willow, Mac, and especially Toby. It doesn’t fit to think we could have these five dogs who are such a big part of our family and she never knew any of them.
5 -- This summer when my family did the Relay for Life it felt like an afterthought. Everything was so routine: I set up the online donation page, we all pasted a few links on our time lines, friends and family made their donations, step by step by step, going through the motions on remote control after doing it all so many times. While there, my older sister and I decided that next year -- which will mark the 10th year after Erin’s death -- should be a year where we really make our Relay participation into something significant. It’s usually held either the first Friday in August or the last one in July, so save the date, people. Everyone is invited. Anyone who has ever been affected by cancer in any way and would like to take a swing at it in retaliation, or just wants to come and hang out on what is usually a pleasant summer evening should make plans now. We’re getting shirts made, we’re going to raise a busload of money, and we’re going to take over the event. I’m ready to say right now that I will put myself through just about any favor people could need help with to raise donations, as long as it isn’t illegal or ethically questionable. You think I’m kidding? Test my limits. I figure for ten years, $10,000 is a nice round goal to aim for.
6-- Erin has been gone long enough that our family has actual traditions about how we commemorate her death each year. But this year, for the first time, our parents are traveling on Oct. 5 and won’t be here to be a part of it. That feels kind of weird. So instead of following through with tradition and organizing a larger event, Jenny and I decided we’d keep it simple and just take an evening to get together and acknowledge the significance of the day. We figured that as important as Erin was (and still is) to so many people, in the end we’re the only ones who could claim her as our sister.
7 -- At one point in the past few days it occurred to me it wouldn’t be a bad idea to do a kind of personal inventory and take a few moments during what is always one of the lowest points of my year to consider what I have in my life that is good. This isn’t always easy to do since I tend toward the self-critical, but I did manage to think of a short list of some very important things: 1) I’ve been able to build myself a reasonably secure and comfortable life, with the support of many people. 2) I have an extraordinary family that consists of several dozen unusually close and loving people; I couldn’t adequately describe what it’s like to live inside of that without sounding like I’m falling back on the kind of superlative language that seems too strongly stated to be real. 3) Even though I am by nature extremely introverted and guarded, and I’m very aware of how that combination of traits makes it difficult for people to feel they know me, I’m still lucky enough to have a tight circle of close friends made up of people I know would do nearly anything for me and vice versa, whether I get to see them every day or a few times a month or maybe only every year or two. They accept and even possibly value my collection of idiosyncrasies. I can find myself genuinely surprised to discover how much they care for me, and I hope they know how appreciative I am that at some point they bothered to push their way into my life as deeply as they have.
8 -- Part of this memorial post business usually involves an excerpt from the memoir I wrote (mostly for myself) following Erin’s death. This could be filed under the category of “Here’s what it was really like if you can’t relate.” This describes what it was like about 48 hours before:
Evening was tough. Erin woke a couple of times just as I was thinking about going home. She snapped wide awake once so Jenny gave her more medication and she was able to drink some water. She even asked for a Popsicle, the closest thing to actual food she'd had in days. She saw I was in the room and asked me to sit behind her on the bed so she could lean against me, letting her sit up and breathe easier as she went back to sleep. I had a painful cramp in my chest after I sat there for a few minutes and my entire right leg fell asleep, but she didn’t weigh much anymore so I got through it. It was hard to sit behind her and see everyone in the room crying as she shuddered her way back to sleep. I started timing my breathing so our rhythms would match and I wouldn’t disturb her. Mom knelt beside the bed holding Erin's hand in both of hers, silently praying. Jenny quietly told her it was okay to let go. My mouth was already behind her ear so I just talked to her, saying much of the same: It's okay to go, you're done fighting now, we'll get through it, you don't need to worry, you don't have to fight anymore, Arthur and Dave and Grandma Grace are waiting for you, you'll be able to run again, you'll laugh without coughing, you'll stand under your own power, you’ll breathe deeply and completely without any pain, you’ll see the ocean whenever you want, you’ll see every moment of your nephews' lives as they grow up, you'll watch sunsets that never have to end. When she was finally calm again I was able to slip out and get some blood back to my leg. It was the last time I would ever see her conscious, and the last time I ever heard her voice.
9 -- There’s a reason I picked that particular passage this year. Not long ago I listened to a podcast episode called “How Dying Works.” It was a fascinating discussion about everything involved in the process. Many of the things mentioned were things I recognized. One point made was that the five senses stop operating at different times, with the sense of touch and the sense of hearing being the last two to go. I heard that and thought back to that final Saturday night as Erin fell back asleep leaning against me while I quietly spoke to her, letting her know it was okay to stop the fight.
Even nine years later, learning that brought me a small moment of closure to know that during that last moment of real connection I had with her she still knew I was there.
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
5th Grade Zen
If you and I share that meaningful bond of being Facebook Friends, you may have noticed over the past month that I've been posting brief stories on my timeline under the heading of "Today's Moment of 5th Grade Zen."
This is something of a reference to Jon Stewart's Moment of Zen at the end of each episode of "The Daily Show," when they show a short video clip of something that ranges from the comical to the comically absurd to the head-shakingly ridiculous. As anyone who has spent any real amount of time in an elementary school can tell you, we experience several comical little moments throughout a typical day, and some of them are just so entertaining they demand to be shared. My 5th Grade Zen posts are only brief celebrations of the some of the moments that can make teaching so rewarding and enjoyable.
There are a lot of things about working in education that can be frustrating and overwhelming. But I would imagine there aren't many professions out there that can provide as many touching and hilarious moments as teaching does. For all the pros and cons that come with my job, I know how lucky I am to live inside of that world. Here's hoping these occasional posts will help people on the outside understand why, and remind people on the inside of why we do it.
This is something of a reference to Jon Stewart's Moment of Zen at the end of each episode of "The Daily Show," when they show a short video clip of something that ranges from the comical to the comically absurd to the head-shakingly ridiculous. As anyone who has spent any real amount of time in an elementary school can tell you, we experience several comical little moments throughout a typical day, and some of them are just so entertaining they demand to be shared. My 5th Grade Zen posts are only brief celebrations of the some of the moments that can make teaching so rewarding and enjoyable.
There are a lot of things about working in education that can be frustrating and overwhelming. But I would imagine there aren't many professions out there that can provide as many touching and hilarious moments as teaching does. For all the pros and cons that come with my job, I know how lucky I am to live inside of that world. Here's hoping these occasional posts will help people on the outside understand why, and remind people on the inside of why we do it.
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Nine Down / Navigating the Hoops
Okay, I realize I'm a day late with the Momentum update, and I also realize I'm mostly just pretending that anyone noticed. But I had a good reason, and we'll get to that soon enough.
First though, let's take care of business. I said back at the beginning of September that my goal this month was to stay on top of life. This meant making an effort to keep myself from being weighed down by the mundanity that accompanies the transition from the lovely freedom of summertime to the numbing routines of returning to the school year. Which isn't to say that I don't still love my job. I do. But my job has a lot of little hoops that need to be jumped through over the course of any given week, and I've learned from experience that procrastinating my way around these hoops instead of just dealing with them can bring on some unnecessary stress. As far as reaching that goal goes, I'll call it a qualified success. I've stayed on top of things fairly well so far. I'm not feeling burdened by too many small tasks growing into big ones as I pretend they aren't there until they're unavoidable and I discover I have to do all of them at the same time. My "Epic Win" phone app was a big help, though too quickly I figured out ways to work around the accountability it tried to provide me. The work-arounds were temporary though, and (at least for me) having that little red circle with the number show up on the corner of the app icon is a decent way to eventually guilt yourself into taking care of business. I think I'm going to keep Epic Win going for awhile, and let my character level his way up through at least a few more months of accomplishment.
As for this month, since we're in October now, I'm actually thinking about two different and completely separate goals. Not because I have so much free time and ambition that I need another layer of challenge, but because I have one goal that I'd really like to work on to get ready for my November goal and another one that will help me get ready for my December goal. My year of monthly resolutions is drawing to an end after all, and I'm close enough to the finish line to know what I still have left I want to do. So for October, even this is kind of vague: My goal is to work on the first steps of what will be a larger goal to end the year. Times two. Just trust me on this.
Now, to get into the reason why I'm a day late. If you've been following things throughout the summer here, you're aware I spent a good chunk of life rewriting an older manuscript that I felt deserved a better shot than it had before. I was very happy with how the revision turned out, and just before the school year started I began sending out query letters to literary agents in the hope that one would eventually offer to take me on as a client. This would mean they felt so strongly about my manuscript that they'd be ready to advocate for it with publishers and editors and try to get me a book deal. Since agents are far more networked than authors are, having an agent is pretty much a necessity if you want a serious book deal. And since everyone out there with the dream of becoming a published author knows this, getting an agent is NOT an easy thing to do.
The first big step in this process is to get agents interested enough in your project that they'll ask to read it so they can consider if they want to represent you. This is what the query letter is for. Most writers will send out many of these things without ever receiving any response more positive than a form rejection letter. I myself have dozens. But at the beginning of September I chose four agents I thought might be good matches for the manuscript, wrote the query, proofread it several times, crossed my fingers, and sent it out. Within a week I received my first form rejection, which didn't really sting because I more or less expected it. But then about a week later (yesterday) another response arrived, this time from someone who wanted to see the full manuscript. Which was a nice surprise, particularly since it was only the second response I'd gotten.
Now, as happy as I was to get a request, I'm not really getting my hopes up too high about this going any further. Of course I'd love it to happen, but the odds are stacked high against that happening. Like I've explained before, getting a manuscript is like successfully jumping through a hoop only to discover there's an even smaller hoop (getting an offer of representation) waiting on the other side. And even if I got that far, there's still no guarantee things would go as far as publication. As much as I believe in the manuscript I wrote, I'm realistic about how difficult of a business publishing is. But I guess that's why I see it more as a dream than a goal. Making my way through the process to see this project come to life as a published novel would probably feel for me much the same way it would for many other people to find out their lottery ticket was a big winner -- something great that you have to know better to expect will happen.
But you know? For the moment it's nice to know I get to spend the next few months waiting to hear back from my maybe future agent and letting the dream breathe a little in the meantime.
First though, let's take care of business. I said back at the beginning of September that my goal this month was to stay on top of life. This meant making an effort to keep myself from being weighed down by the mundanity that accompanies the transition from the lovely freedom of summertime to the numbing routines of returning to the school year. Which isn't to say that I don't still love my job. I do. But my job has a lot of little hoops that need to be jumped through over the course of any given week, and I've learned from experience that procrastinating my way around these hoops instead of just dealing with them can bring on some unnecessary stress. As far as reaching that goal goes, I'll call it a qualified success. I've stayed on top of things fairly well so far. I'm not feeling burdened by too many small tasks growing into big ones as I pretend they aren't there until they're unavoidable and I discover I have to do all of them at the same time. My "Epic Win" phone app was a big help, though too quickly I figured out ways to work around the accountability it tried to provide me. The work-arounds were temporary though, and (at least for me) having that little red circle with the number show up on the corner of the app icon is a decent way to eventually guilt yourself into taking care of business. I think I'm going to keep Epic Win going for awhile, and let my character level his way up through at least a few more months of accomplishment.
As for this month, since we're in October now, I'm actually thinking about two different and completely separate goals. Not because I have so much free time and ambition that I need another layer of challenge, but because I have one goal that I'd really like to work on to get ready for my November goal and another one that will help me get ready for my December goal. My year of monthly resolutions is drawing to an end after all, and I'm close enough to the finish line to know what I still have left I want to do. So for October, even this is kind of vague: My goal is to work on the first steps of what will be a larger goal to end the year. Times two. Just trust me on this.
Now, to get into the reason why I'm a day late. If you've been following things throughout the summer here, you're aware I spent a good chunk of life rewriting an older manuscript that I felt deserved a better shot than it had before. I was very happy with how the revision turned out, and just before the school year started I began sending out query letters to literary agents in the hope that one would eventually offer to take me on as a client. This would mean they felt so strongly about my manuscript that they'd be ready to advocate for it with publishers and editors and try to get me a book deal. Since agents are far more networked than authors are, having an agent is pretty much a necessity if you want a serious book deal. And since everyone out there with the dream of becoming a published author knows this, getting an agent is NOT an easy thing to do.
The first big step in this process is to get agents interested enough in your project that they'll ask to read it so they can consider if they want to represent you. This is what the query letter is for. Most writers will send out many of these things without ever receiving any response more positive than a form rejection letter. I myself have dozens. But at the beginning of September I chose four agents I thought might be good matches for the manuscript, wrote the query, proofread it several times, crossed my fingers, and sent it out. Within a week I received my first form rejection, which didn't really sting because I more or less expected it. But then about a week later (yesterday) another response arrived, this time from someone who wanted to see the full manuscript. Which was a nice surprise, particularly since it was only the second response I'd gotten.
Now, as happy as I was to get a request, I'm not really getting my hopes up too high about this going any further. Of course I'd love it to happen, but the odds are stacked high against that happening. Like I've explained before, getting a manuscript is like successfully jumping through a hoop only to discover there's an even smaller hoop (getting an offer of representation) waiting on the other side. And even if I got that far, there's still no guarantee things would go as far as publication. As much as I believe in the manuscript I wrote, I'm realistic about how difficult of a business publishing is. But I guess that's why I see it more as a dream than a goal. Making my way through the process to see this project come to life as a published novel would probably feel for me much the same way it would for many other people to find out their lottery ticket was a big winner -- something great that you have to know better to expect will happen.
But you know? For the moment it's nice to know I get to spend the next few months waiting to hear back from my maybe future agent and letting the dream breathe a little in the meantime.
Saturday, September 7, 2013
Teaching in the Alternative Universe
The first week of the school year has come and gone, and so many things feel weird to me right now. It reminds me of a topic that came up in one of my favorite “Stuff You Should Know” podcast episodes: a thought experiment called quantum suicide. (I promise this isn’t going to be anywhere near as morbid as it sounds, and the explanation is a bit of a stretch, so bear with me for a paragraph or two.) One of the reasons I like that episode so much is because I’ve listened to it at least twenty times and still only understand about half of it, so each replay brings me a tiny bit closer to wrapping my head around the concept: Imagine a man sits in an empty room with a partially-loaded gun pointed at him. There’s a button in front of him he’s supposed to press, and when he does it will activate a machine that’s supposed to do some particle physics thing I won’t even try to explain since I’m sure I’d fail at it spectacularly. When the button is pressed, the trigger is pulled. According to this experiment, the gun would never go off regardless of how many times the button was pressed and the trigger was pulled, because each time the trigger is pulled the man is performing an action that splits the universe into parallel realities, and the version of the man in the other universe is the one who gets shot and dies. The idea here is that each time one of us makes a decision, a separate reality breaks off to follow the path of the choice we didn’t make. Following that “logic,” there isn’t just one universe but rather an infinite number of alternate universes that have come into existence following every decision ever made.
And in these early days of the school year I’ve felt like I woke up living in one of the alternative realities created by someone’s decision-making. Sure, every new year brings changes and discoveries with it, but right now this one feels a little top-heavy. I wake up about the same time and I go to work at the same school, but I spend my day in a different classroom. I’m teaching the same grade, but with a grade level team of entirely new people. I’m working with the same curriculum, but it’s been revised over the summer so I have to figure out exactly how what I’ve been doing for the past several years is new. I’ve been using the same schedule for two or three years, but now it’s shuffled to something completely different. I’m working as a part of the same staff (more or less) but there are a few new key players in my radius while some key players I had come to rely on seeing aren’t a part of my daily life anymore. I share my section of the hallway with people who in past years I could go for weeks without seeing for more than a few minutes at a time, and now I see them more often than anyone else.
Since I’m someone who is dependent on a certain amount of routine to feel completely at ease, all of this different takes a little getting used to. And don’t get me wrong -- I’m not saying there's some wholesale downgrade to my year because of these changes. Granted, some are harder to adjust to than others. But at the same time a lot of what's new about the year holds promise for exciting things to come. So my year is starting off with me walking around through this somewhat entertaining mixture of discombobulation and optimism. Which is really the case every year, to some degree. But for me, it's just more noticeable this time around.
It all makes me wonder a little about how the year is starting off for the version of me that wound up in the other reality....
And in these early days of the school year I’ve felt like I woke up living in one of the alternative realities created by someone’s decision-making. Sure, every new year brings changes and discoveries with it, but right now this one feels a little top-heavy. I wake up about the same time and I go to work at the same school, but I spend my day in a different classroom. I’m teaching the same grade, but with a grade level team of entirely new people. I’m working with the same curriculum, but it’s been revised over the summer so I have to figure out exactly how what I’ve been doing for the past several years is new. I’ve been using the same schedule for two or three years, but now it’s shuffled to something completely different. I’m working as a part of the same staff (more or less) but there are a few new key players in my radius while some key players I had come to rely on seeing aren’t a part of my daily life anymore. I share my section of the hallway with people who in past years I could go for weeks without seeing for more than a few minutes at a time, and now I see them more often than anyone else.
Since I’m someone who is dependent on a certain amount of routine to feel completely at ease, all of this different takes a little getting used to. And don’t get me wrong -- I’m not saying there's some wholesale downgrade to my year because of these changes. Granted, some are harder to adjust to than others. But at the same time a lot of what's new about the year holds promise for exciting things to come. So my year is starting off with me walking around through this somewhat entertaining mixture of discombobulation and optimism. Which is really the case every year, to some degree. But for me, it's just more noticeable this time around.
It all makes me wonder a little about how the year is starting off for the version of me that wound up in the other reality....
Saturday, August 31, 2013
Eight Down
My Momentum Project goal from August, as stated a month ago: Get myself mentally ready for the school year. Granted, it’s the type of goal that’s hard to prove if it’s been reached or not, so you’ll have to trust me that it has. I’m not saying it was easy getting there. A big part of it was getting out of town for while. I was counting on this year’s trip to the Seattle area to be a big head cleanse, and it certainly got that done. It was a beautiful feeling to step off the airplane and walk through the concourse knowing there wasn’t a single thing that I absolutely had to do for several days. In retrospect, the only downside about the trip was I should have planned to stay longer than I did. (Melissa and Lynn, you were right. Next time.)
Here at home I finished off my writing for the summer, more or less... being back at school with new curriculum revisions being rolled out, I’ve heard the phrase “living document” used more than once. There is no truer example of what that is than an unpublished manuscript. Even though I’ve printed multiple copies and have shared several electronic versions since “finishing” the story, I’ve already made some minor changes as a result of proofreading. I’m sure that will continue to be the case right up until the possible day lightning strikes and my currently imaginary publisher sends the first edition to print. It helps having a piece of work that has held up well with all the revisiting it takes to thoroughly proofread it. And with the query letter almost ready to send out just as the school year begins, I’ll have that whole “job and career” thing to keep me distracted from wondering why it’s taking the agents I’ve submitting to so long to reply.
But like I said, I’m back to school now, and so much about my oncoming school year is going to be different than the last one. Since I’m someone very comfortable with routine, this much change wasn’t an easy adjustment. But once I found my way back into school life, I quickly switched over from “I’m just so overwhelmed by all of this I don’t know how I can look forward to the year” to instead thinking, “Oh, that’s right -- I AM unstoppable.” Which will last until about halfway through the third day of school, and then I’ll be back to running to stand still for the next ten months.
Which brings us to September’s goal: Stay on top of life. Having the summer off makes it easy to let priorities exist on a sliding scale. I’ll admit it -- during the summer, I can feel like I’ve had a day full of accomplishment if all I do is run the dishwasher and get the mail. The transition between summer break and the school year can be tricky, and sometimes things fall through the cracks. When all the normal daily stuff like cleaning and shopping and reading and bill paying and working out and getting the furnace checked and submitting agent queries and keeping up with TV and laundry and getting oil changes and etc. times ten has the epic chaos of the school year piled on top of it, life can get kind of nutty. This is probably why I tend to nap so much between 5:00 PM and 10:00 PM on September weeknights. But this year? No procrastinating. I’m going to try staying on top of it all, taking it as it comes, preventing the to do list from growing into a horror movie, and above all eliminating as much unnecessary stress from my life as humanly possible. As soon as I’m done writing this, I’m syncing my phone and reinstalling an app I haven’t used in some time: EPIC WIN. It’s both a to-do checklist and a role-playing game that will reward me for doing the stuff I’m supposed to do anyway. Since that philosophy has become a big part of my classroom management, I figure it’s worth a shot at turning that back on my own self and seeing how effective it is.
Thirty days from now, I’ll let you know how it worked. Until then, cross your fingers for me.
Here at home I finished off my writing for the summer, more or less... being back at school with new curriculum revisions being rolled out, I’ve heard the phrase “living document” used more than once. There is no truer example of what that is than an unpublished manuscript. Even though I’ve printed multiple copies and have shared several electronic versions since “finishing” the story, I’ve already made some minor changes as a result of proofreading. I’m sure that will continue to be the case right up until the possible day lightning strikes and my currently imaginary publisher sends the first edition to print. It helps having a piece of work that has held up well with all the revisiting it takes to thoroughly proofread it. And with the query letter almost ready to send out just as the school year begins, I’ll have that whole “job and career” thing to keep me distracted from wondering why it’s taking the agents I’ve submitting to so long to reply.
But like I said, I’m back to school now, and so much about my oncoming school year is going to be different than the last one. Since I’m someone very comfortable with routine, this much change wasn’t an easy adjustment. But once I found my way back into school life, I quickly switched over from “I’m just so overwhelmed by all of this I don’t know how I can look forward to the year” to instead thinking, “Oh, that’s right -- I AM unstoppable.” Which will last until about halfway through the third day of school, and then I’ll be back to running to stand still for the next ten months.
Which brings us to September’s goal: Stay on top of life. Having the summer off makes it easy to let priorities exist on a sliding scale. I’ll admit it -- during the summer, I can feel like I’ve had a day full of accomplishment if all I do is run the dishwasher and get the mail. The transition between summer break and the school year can be tricky, and sometimes things fall through the cracks. When all the normal daily stuff like cleaning and shopping and reading and bill paying and working out and getting the furnace checked and submitting agent queries and keeping up with TV and laundry and getting oil changes and etc. times ten has the epic chaos of the school year piled on top of it, life can get kind of nutty. This is probably why I tend to nap so much between 5:00 PM and 10:00 PM on September weeknights. But this year? No procrastinating. I’m going to try staying on top of it all, taking it as it comes, preventing the to do list from growing into a horror movie, and above all eliminating as much unnecessary stress from my life as humanly possible. As soon as I’m done writing this, I’m syncing my phone and reinstalling an app I haven’t used in some time: EPIC WIN. It’s both a to-do checklist and a role-playing game that will reward me for doing the stuff I’m supposed to do anyway. Since that philosophy has become a big part of my classroom management, I figure it’s worth a shot at turning that back on my own self and seeing how effective it is.
Thirty days from now, I’ll let you know how it worked. Until then, cross your fingers for me.
Sunday, August 4, 2013
Infinity
I finished revising the manuscript for Following Infinity today.
I really wish I could convey what a huge thing this is for me. Unfortunately I only know of maybe three other people who have gone through the experience of having an idea, working tirelessly to turn it into a book-length story, having it read and appreciated, deconstructing the whole thing in an effort to improve it, starting over from the beginning and finally winding up with another version that is astonishingly better than what it was before. Reaching that landmark moment brings on an all too rare combination of pride and humility and inner peace.
I expect most people would see writing a book as something so ridiculously insurmountable that it's barely worth considering. For the most part I'd agree. It is impossibly hard work. There are a lot of early mornings and late nights, and there is very little, if any, "free time." Life becomes isolation and sacrifice. The world around you has to compete for attention and importance with the world constantly growing and evolving in your mind. The characters you struggle to create become interchangeable with the people in your life. You have conversations and arguments with yourself, and abuse your own fragile self-esteem when that one perfect word you need escapes you. From my perspective, the only real reason anyone would ever subject themselves to the physical, mental, and emotional challenges of writing a book is because you can't NOT do it. The story digs into you so deeply that you're compelled to tell it, and telling it exactly the way it needs to be told is the only way you'll ever find release. I know it's hard to explain that to other people if they see writing as just a unique or interesting hobby, but it really does become that defining.
So my biggest writing goal of the summer is done... sort of. There will be more proofreading for the typos I'm sure I missed. There has to be a query letter and two or three different versions of a synopsis to write before I send it to the publishing universe, and if lightning ever strikes and an agent and/or editor decides they want to work with it, everything will go back to the drawing board. This business and management end of writing is much more of a chore for me, but I'm now able to approach it knowing I have a work to present that I believe in. In fact, I'll go as far to say this revised version of Following Infinity is by far the best thing I've ever written.
And as promised in earlier posts, here comes the recruiting pitch. If you've found your way here to the Summer Vacation blog and have ever read one of my self-indulgent writer posts, or if you know me from the real world and we've ever had conversations writing, perhaps you'd like to read this. Because reading "Summer Vacation?" Not the same thing. If you've read any of the glorified first drafts I've accumulated from Nanowrimo... eh, maybe a little closer. If you've read Lake Emily or the previous version of Infinity, you've got some idea. But if not: Well, after all the writing talk going on here, aren't you a LITTLE curious?
If you are, please let me know. As a policy I try very hard not to ask individuals to read my writing because that introduces a dynamic of obligation that too often becomes awkward. But please understand, just because I'm not standing in front of you with a printed manuscript and a big needy smile on my face that doesn't mean I don't want you to read it. I'm very much hoping you'll be interested. And then I'm hoping you'll love it so much you'll tell me all about it and share it with your friends and tell any 9-14 year-old kids you know that, oh, they HAVE to read it because it's just that good -- that age group is the target audience, after all. I'll have printed copies ready to circulate very soon, and I can always send out electronic copies as pdf files to anyone who'd prefer to read it on their tablets or monitors.
So there's my pitch. Thanks to anyone who does ask to read it. It means a lot to me. And regardless of what happens with the manuscript from here -- it still feels pretty amazing to know I finally reached the peak.
I really wish I could convey what a huge thing this is for me. Unfortunately I only know of maybe three other people who have gone through the experience of having an idea, working tirelessly to turn it into a book-length story, having it read and appreciated, deconstructing the whole thing in an effort to improve it, starting over from the beginning and finally winding up with another version that is astonishingly better than what it was before. Reaching that landmark moment brings on an all too rare combination of pride and humility and inner peace.
I expect most people would see writing a book as something so ridiculously insurmountable that it's barely worth considering. For the most part I'd agree. It is impossibly hard work. There are a lot of early mornings and late nights, and there is very little, if any, "free time." Life becomes isolation and sacrifice. The world around you has to compete for attention and importance with the world constantly growing and evolving in your mind. The characters you struggle to create become interchangeable with the people in your life. You have conversations and arguments with yourself, and abuse your own fragile self-esteem when that one perfect word you need escapes you. From my perspective, the only real reason anyone would ever subject themselves to the physical, mental, and emotional challenges of writing a book is because you can't NOT do it. The story digs into you so deeply that you're compelled to tell it, and telling it exactly the way it needs to be told is the only way you'll ever find release. I know it's hard to explain that to other people if they see writing as just a unique or interesting hobby, but it really does become that defining.
So my biggest writing goal of the summer is done... sort of. There will be more proofreading for the typos I'm sure I missed. There has to be a query letter and two or three different versions of a synopsis to write before I send it to the publishing universe, and if lightning ever strikes and an agent and/or editor decides they want to work with it, everything will go back to the drawing board. This business and management end of writing is much more of a chore for me, but I'm now able to approach it knowing I have a work to present that I believe in. In fact, I'll go as far to say this revised version of Following Infinity is by far the best thing I've ever written.
And as promised in earlier posts, here comes the recruiting pitch. If you've found your way here to the Summer Vacation blog and have ever read one of my self-indulgent writer posts, or if you know me from the real world and we've ever had conversations writing, perhaps you'd like to read this. Because reading "Summer Vacation?" Not the same thing. If you've read any of the glorified first drafts I've accumulated from Nanowrimo... eh, maybe a little closer. If you've read Lake Emily or the previous version of Infinity, you've got some idea. But if not: Well, after all the writing talk going on here, aren't you a LITTLE curious?
If you are, please let me know. As a policy I try very hard not to ask individuals to read my writing because that introduces a dynamic of obligation that too often becomes awkward. But please understand, just because I'm not standing in front of you with a printed manuscript and a big needy smile on my face that doesn't mean I don't want you to read it. I'm very much hoping you'll be interested. And then I'm hoping you'll love it so much you'll tell me all about it and share it with your friends and tell any 9-14 year-old kids you know that, oh, they HAVE to read it because it's just that good -- that age group is the target audience, after all. I'll have printed copies ready to circulate very soon, and I can always send out electronic copies as pdf files to anyone who'd prefer to read it on their tablets or monitors.
So there's my pitch. Thanks to anyone who does ask to read it. It means a lot to me. And regardless of what happens with the manuscript from here -- it still feels pretty amazing to know I finally reached the peak.
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Seven Down / Light at the End of the Tunnel
Another Momentum Update: First I’m just going to allow a self-congratulatory moment for sticking with this “month at a time” deal up until now. This doesn’t mean that my life has changed in any significant long-term way as a result, but at least I’ve managed to keep the goal alive.
My most recent goal was to finish revising one of my older manuscripts, Following Infinity. Did I finish it? No! But I have no problem with this because even if I didn’t get all the way through, I have gotten a significant amount of work done on it so far. In fact, I plan on having the revision work (including one quick pass at proofreading) finished within the week. And I could not be any happier with how well it’s going, so I still consider July a big success.
It was hard to get into a regular schedule as the month began since it was an unusually busy July for me this year. I started out forcing myself to get a certain number of pages done or to work for a certain amount of time, just to make sure I accomplished something. I’d start with a very broad overview to determine what I didn’t think was working and then tried to isolate the problems down to different parts of the manuscript, or what happened in which chapters, or which characters needed work, or what scenes were completely unnecessary, or so on. There was a lot to do, and in the beginning that can be overwhelming.
As the month went on, I started to notice the story working its way into my divergent thinking. I worked on mental outlines while on the treadmill. I started digging out music to listen to that I thought captured a certain tone I was going for and would let that steer me. I started walking around the house talking to myself when I was trying to work through a section of dialogue I wanted to add or change. Eventually sitting down at the computer to work became less of a chore and more of a release. It was something I looked forward to doing and made the time to do. My favorite days of the week became the days off I had from my workout schedule, because on those days I’d be able to start working two hours earlier than usual. When I reached the point where I had boxed myself into five or six or seven hour days of working, I knew it was paying off.
Revision is really hard work, but when it’s going well it feels great. The whole writing process is a lot like a jigsaw puzzle, when you start with an overall idea of what you’re trying to accomplish but you’ve got two thousand tiny pieces you somehow have to fit together perfectly. What plot scenes don’t work, or aren’t necessary, and what needs to be done to fix them? Who are the characters at their core, and are they consistently who they need to be? Do they progress through an arc that the readers will be able to follow? Are there continuity problems or chronology gaps in the story? Can specific sentences be better, or is good enough really good enough in some cases? Am I using words that would sound natural coming from my narrator? Am I achieving a balance between my narrator’s (hopefully) subtle exposition and giving the readers opportunities to fill in some of the story blanks themselves? Knowing that these issues have been identified and addressed and knowing the overall story has been significantly improved as a result is a huge, huge rush.
Sometime in the coming days I’ll be posting here again, as well on Facebook I’m sure, to recruit an opening round of volunteers interested in reading the revised manuscript when it’s done. I know I have a small, faithful group of beta readers who will be ready and willing to step up for me -- and they all know how much I appreciate their help -- but I hope this one gets to go a little wider.
Which brings us to August. School will be coming back to life by the end of the month so of course it’s going to be a presence again soon. I have a variety of significant challenges waiting for me this school year, but fortunately I’ve found reasons to be more at peace, if not slightly optimistic with them than I was even a month ago, but I’m not all the way there yet. So even though it isn’t the most tangible of goals, I have one pinned down for August: Get myself mentally ready for the school year. I see a pathway on how to get there now and I hope it will work, but a lot of whether or not it will falls back on the whole concept behind this Momentum project: Not just knowing what needs to be done, but following through and doing it.
And speaking of doing, I think I still have a little fuel left in the tank tonight, and some revising that needs to be done....
My most recent goal was to finish revising one of my older manuscripts, Following Infinity. Did I finish it? No! But I have no problem with this because even if I didn’t get all the way through, I have gotten a significant amount of work done on it so far. In fact, I plan on having the revision work (including one quick pass at proofreading) finished within the week. And I could not be any happier with how well it’s going, so I still consider July a big success.
It was hard to get into a regular schedule as the month began since it was an unusually busy July for me this year. I started out forcing myself to get a certain number of pages done or to work for a certain amount of time, just to make sure I accomplished something. I’d start with a very broad overview to determine what I didn’t think was working and then tried to isolate the problems down to different parts of the manuscript, or what happened in which chapters, or which characters needed work, or what scenes were completely unnecessary, or so on. There was a lot to do, and in the beginning that can be overwhelming.
As the month went on, I started to notice the story working its way into my divergent thinking. I worked on mental outlines while on the treadmill. I started digging out music to listen to that I thought captured a certain tone I was going for and would let that steer me. I started walking around the house talking to myself when I was trying to work through a section of dialogue I wanted to add or change. Eventually sitting down at the computer to work became less of a chore and more of a release. It was something I looked forward to doing and made the time to do. My favorite days of the week became the days off I had from my workout schedule, because on those days I’d be able to start working two hours earlier than usual. When I reached the point where I had boxed myself into five or six or seven hour days of working, I knew it was paying off.
Revision is really hard work, but when it’s going well it feels great. The whole writing process is a lot like a jigsaw puzzle, when you start with an overall idea of what you’re trying to accomplish but you’ve got two thousand tiny pieces you somehow have to fit together perfectly. What plot scenes don’t work, or aren’t necessary, and what needs to be done to fix them? Who are the characters at their core, and are they consistently who they need to be? Do they progress through an arc that the readers will be able to follow? Are there continuity problems or chronology gaps in the story? Can specific sentences be better, or is good enough really good enough in some cases? Am I using words that would sound natural coming from my narrator? Am I achieving a balance between my narrator’s (hopefully) subtle exposition and giving the readers opportunities to fill in some of the story blanks themselves? Knowing that these issues have been identified and addressed and knowing the overall story has been significantly improved as a result is a huge, huge rush.
Sometime in the coming days I’ll be posting here again, as well on Facebook I’m sure, to recruit an opening round of volunteers interested in reading the revised manuscript when it’s done. I know I have a small, faithful group of beta readers who will be ready and willing to step up for me -- and they all know how much I appreciate their help -- but I hope this one gets to go a little wider.
Which brings us to August. School will be coming back to life by the end of the month so of course it’s going to be a presence again soon. I have a variety of significant challenges waiting for me this school year, but fortunately I’ve found reasons to be more at peace, if not slightly optimistic with them than I was even a month ago, but I’m not all the way there yet. So even though it isn’t the most tangible of goals, I have one pinned down for August: Get myself mentally ready for the school year. I see a pathway on how to get there now and I hope it will work, but a lot of whether or not it will falls back on the whole concept behind this Momentum project: Not just knowing what needs to be done, but following through and doing it.
And speaking of doing, I think I still have a little fuel left in the tank tonight, and some revising that needs to be done....
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Literary Pathways
I already did a Facebook link about this, but I thought I would put up a Summer Vacation post as well for good measure. My friend Betsy, whom I've taught with for about twenty years, started working on her own blog this past month. She's spent the last few weeks getting the appearance of it and the voice of the writing nailed down the way she wants before turning it loose on the Internet, and just this past week she finally took it public.
Her reason for starting a blog was simple: As a writing teacher, she felt it was important to develop the habit of actively writing. The most effective teachers are, I tend to believe, the ones who are well-versed in the content areas they teach, and for her to be writing will give her more common ground with her students during the year as they write. Since she has too much common sense to spend her summer chained to a desktop computer working on a novel, a blog seems like a perfect way for her to get that writing practice done.
Now, as for this blog: Instead of just spouting off whatever self-indulgent ramblings happen to cross her mind at any given moment like *ahem* some people do, she went into creating a blog that was much more practical and directly related to her teaching. Each of her posts will somehow relate to the umbrella topic of language arts instruction: Strategies she's tried while teaching reading or writing, things that she has picked up in classes, ideas collected from articles or books she's read, and so on.
She has always been very active in developing her craft as a teacher, and I think it's fair to say she is perceived, both at our school and in the wider district, as a professional worthy of emulation. So if you're a teacher, or you're in the process of becoming one, or you're thinking about becoming one someday, or if you're just curious to see what kind of work goes into being one, I recommend that you check out her blog. Her first posts have it off to a strong start, and should give anyone reading it in these early stages a good idea of what to expect in the coming weeks and months.
Click the link below and you'll see what I mean.
LITERARY PATHWAYS
Her reason for starting a blog was simple: As a writing teacher, she felt it was important to develop the habit of actively writing. The most effective teachers are, I tend to believe, the ones who are well-versed in the content areas they teach, and for her to be writing will give her more common ground with her students during the year as they write. Since she has too much common sense to spend her summer chained to a desktop computer working on a novel, a blog seems like a perfect way for her to get that writing practice done.
Now, as for this blog: Instead of just spouting off whatever self-indulgent ramblings happen to cross her mind at any given moment like *ahem* some people do, she went into creating a blog that was much more practical and directly related to her teaching. Each of her posts will somehow relate to the umbrella topic of language arts instruction: Strategies she's tried while teaching reading or writing, things that she has picked up in classes, ideas collected from articles or books she's read, and so on.
She has always been very active in developing her craft as a teacher, and I think it's fair to say she is perceived, both at our school and in the wider district, as a professional worthy of emulation. So if you're a teacher, or you're in the process of becoming one, or you're thinking about becoming one someday, or if you're just curious to see what kind of work goes into being one, I recommend that you check out her blog. Her first posts have it off to a strong start, and should give anyone reading it in these early stages a good idea of what to expect in the coming weeks and months.
Click the link below and you'll see what I mean.
LITERARY PATHWAYS
Friday, July 26, 2013
Hollywood Moments
I’ve been a big fan of movies most of my life, probably dating back to the first time I saw Star Wars in fourth grade. And I’m still a fan now. But I think, at least to a certain degree, some of what draws me to the movies must be changing.
I can think of several examples in just the past few months when I’ve seen moments in movies that are so ridiculous they border on self-parody. You know somebody somewhere in the creative process of bringing these movies to the screen thought these moments were good ideas, but I can’t believe these decisions were motivated by any kind of creative integrity. And I know, it's business, and movies are usually made to the point of making money. But I think we'd all benefit from the movie makers of the world taking an occasional pause and giving a second thought to some of the things they're doing.
I’m not about to get going on a rant of how unrealistic these moments are -- I’ve always been an advocate for the suspension of disbelief; that's usually half the fun. If you’re the kind of person who is going to sit down in the theater and think, “Oh, come on!! So that push cart that Indiana Jones and his friends are in JUST HAPPENED to jump off the rails and sail over that big open space and then PERFECTLY LANDED right on the other side with no problem at all? Like that would ever happen in a million years!” That’s not necessarily the kind of moment I’m thinking of. I’m thinking more moments that would fit perfectly into a satire about Hollywood. I don’t know how many people saw it, but there was a movie back in the 80s or 90s called “The Player,” which was exactly the kind of Hollywood satire I’m talking about. In it these Hollywood producer types are involved in twisting deals about a movie they’re trying to make. At the end we get to see a quick moment of how that movie resolves, when Bruce Willis (in a cameo) blasts his way through a wall to save Julia Roberts (also in a cameo). As he picks her up and lovingly carries her through the debris, she smiles and says, “What took you so long?” He smirks in reply, and says “Traffic was a bitch.”
That's the kind of ridiculous moment that could plausibly turn in a big-budget blockbuster Hollywood movie for sure. And the moments I’ve noticed this summer have all come from those same kind of big budget movies. Any of them would have been perfectly at home taking the place of the Bruce/Julia conclusion in “The Player.”
Here’s some of what I’ve seen so far:
** Today I saw “The Wolverine.” Not bad, but not a life-changer either. There was a conversation taking place between two life-long friends about how one of them about was to take over the largest corporation in all of Asia, while at the same time she’s being pursued by the Japanese mafia and a variety of super mutants. I would have loved it if one of them had said to the other, “Can you believe this #&*%! is really happening to us?!”
** “Grown Ups 2” got several eye rolls out of me, but none were bigger than this: Somehow in the course of one day, somebody suggests having a party at Adam Sandler’s house. Then it gets an “80s” theme, so of course EVERY PERSON IN TOWN is able to put together perfect 80s costumes at a moment’s notice. And if that can happen, well, why not have the J. Geils Band show up and play a set? Hey, look! There they are!
** “White House Down” was a movie I really liked. But when “wrong place at the wrong time” D.C. cop Channing Tatum stood there barking into a satellite phone, telling some military general or the Speaker of the House or whomever wasn’t listening to him that they couldn’t order a bombing strike or whatever because he had to save the President of the United States, all while wearing the sleeveless t-shirt he borrowed from Bruce Willis's character in “Die Hard?” I hope Channing Tatum is a smart enough guy to have thought "Am I really saying these words?" while shooting that scene.
** My absolute favorite of these moments so far was in “Red 2,” another movie that I really liked, maybe one of my favorites of the summer. But the image of Helen Mirren calmly spraying machine gun fire at two dozen bad guys while the Lotus she’s riding in goes into a slow-motion spin, and all the while the music of Linkin Park pounds through the soundtrack?
I had to laugh.
I can think of several examples in just the past few months when I’ve seen moments in movies that are so ridiculous they border on self-parody. You know somebody somewhere in the creative process of bringing these movies to the screen thought these moments were good ideas, but I can’t believe these decisions were motivated by any kind of creative integrity. And I know, it's business, and movies are usually made to the point of making money. But I think we'd all benefit from the movie makers of the world taking an occasional pause and giving a second thought to some of the things they're doing.
I’m not about to get going on a rant of how unrealistic these moments are -- I’ve always been an advocate for the suspension of disbelief; that's usually half the fun. If you’re the kind of person who is going to sit down in the theater and think, “Oh, come on!! So that push cart that Indiana Jones and his friends are in JUST HAPPENED to jump off the rails and sail over that big open space and then PERFECTLY LANDED right on the other side with no problem at all? Like that would ever happen in a million years!” That’s not necessarily the kind of moment I’m thinking of. I’m thinking more moments that would fit perfectly into a satire about Hollywood. I don’t know how many people saw it, but there was a movie back in the 80s or 90s called “The Player,” which was exactly the kind of Hollywood satire I’m talking about. In it these Hollywood producer types are involved in twisting deals about a movie they’re trying to make. At the end we get to see a quick moment of how that movie resolves, when Bruce Willis (in a cameo) blasts his way through a wall to save Julia Roberts (also in a cameo). As he picks her up and lovingly carries her through the debris, she smiles and says, “What took you so long?” He smirks in reply, and says “Traffic was a bitch.”
That's the kind of ridiculous moment that could plausibly turn in a big-budget blockbuster Hollywood movie for sure. And the moments I’ve noticed this summer have all come from those same kind of big budget movies. Any of them would have been perfectly at home taking the place of the Bruce/Julia conclusion in “The Player.”
Here’s some of what I’ve seen so far:
** Today I saw “The Wolverine.” Not bad, but not a life-changer either. There was a conversation taking place between two life-long friends about how one of them about was to take over the largest corporation in all of Asia, while at the same time she’s being pursued by the Japanese mafia and a variety of super mutants. I would have loved it if one of them had said to the other, “Can you believe this #&*%! is really happening to us?!”
** “Grown Ups 2” got several eye rolls out of me, but none were bigger than this: Somehow in the course of one day, somebody suggests having a party at Adam Sandler’s house. Then it gets an “80s” theme, so of course EVERY PERSON IN TOWN is able to put together perfect 80s costumes at a moment’s notice. And if that can happen, well, why not have the J. Geils Band show up and play a set? Hey, look! There they are!
** “White House Down” was a movie I really liked. But when “wrong place at the wrong time” D.C. cop Channing Tatum stood there barking into a satellite phone, telling some military general or the Speaker of the House or whomever wasn’t listening to him that they couldn’t order a bombing strike or whatever because he had to save the President of the United States, all while wearing the sleeveless t-shirt he borrowed from Bruce Willis's character in “Die Hard?” I hope Channing Tatum is a smart enough guy to have thought "Am I really saying these words?" while shooting that scene.
** My absolute favorite of these moments so far was in “Red 2,” another movie that I really liked, maybe one of my favorites of the summer. But the image of Helen Mirren calmly spraying machine gun fire at two dozen bad guys while the Lotus she’s riding in goes into a slow-motion spin, and all the while the music of Linkin Park pounds through the soundtrack?
I had to laugh.
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
The Flipside of Progress
We're about halfway through July now, which means we are WAY closer to the beginning of the school year than I care to think about. So let's all agree to just not think about it....
The first half of July has been unusually busy for me. I've spent a lot of time with my unusually close extended family, which has been great. Almost every person in my circle of close friends has something going on this summer, ranging from small projects to major life-altering events, and I've found myself at least peripherally involved in many of them, which has also been great in different ways and different definitions. I have regular workouts going on, a lot of reading, some binge TV watching, occasional movies to see, and let's face it: Those naps don't take themselves. I've even started getting caught up in a game that I've been anxious to play since it was released in March, and yet as engaging as that game it is, it hasn't come close to taking over my life like so many games of summers past have. This can be attributed to a mostly welcome return to a strong, regular and productive writing habit.
I started the summer with big ambitions, as I always do, and I knew from the onset that not all of those goals would be reached. But if you read my last momentum post at the end of June, you might remember that I set a July goal to finish revising the manuscript that was my top priority for the summer. I'm mostly happy to say that project feels like it's going extremely well so far. The revisions I'm doing are making a world of difference in characterization, story depth, continuity, subtext and just overall quality. This one (Following Infinity, for anyone who knows it) was divided up into three parts, and I'm now within spitting distance of finishing the work on Part 1, which is the longest part of the three -- or at least it used to be. If the other two parts come together as well as the first one has so far, I see myself desperately hoping to recruit volunteer readers by summer's end in the hopes of collecting a variety of opinions.
But as well as the work is flowing right now, it is not coming easy. If you don't know this story... I don't want to spoil anything for anyone who might read it someday soon, but I think I can safely say the story has a certain emotional weight to it, and many of the people who've read it have had strong reactions. Without giving it away, I can say that my main character is a thirteen-year-old girl who has just experienced some major upheaval in her life and is caught up in a depressive spiral as she tries to cope with what's happened. Since the story is told in the first person, that means I have to write it by channeling her depression. I can assure you that while this hopefully will produce a much-improved story by the time I'm done, it's no ride around the lake in the meantime. It's been a good thing that I've been kept so busy this July and have seen my family as much as I have these past few weeks, because without those interruptions I would not be the happiest of campers right now. But hey - suffering for the art and all. If it means I wind up with a manuscript that gets a shot at representation or even publication someday, I'll muddle through the self-generated grey skies for a bit. Which kind of explains why I'm taking time to write what now feels like a fairly unnecessary post tonight -- just giving myself a little time to pull back and regain perspective.
So half of July to go. I'm predicting right now that I will NOT be done with the work by the end of the month, but I will have made some significant progress, and I'll be really, really close. And if you're one of my usual first round of readers -- get ready. The day is coming soon.
The first half of July has been unusually busy for me. I've spent a lot of time with my unusually close extended family, which has been great. Almost every person in my circle of close friends has something going on this summer, ranging from small projects to major life-altering events, and I've found myself at least peripherally involved in many of them, which has also been great in different ways and different definitions. I have regular workouts going on, a lot of reading, some binge TV watching, occasional movies to see, and let's face it: Those naps don't take themselves. I've even started getting caught up in a game that I've been anxious to play since it was released in March, and yet as engaging as that game it is, it hasn't come close to taking over my life like so many games of summers past have. This can be attributed to a mostly welcome return to a strong, regular and productive writing habit.
I started the summer with big ambitions, as I always do, and I knew from the onset that not all of those goals would be reached. But if you read my last momentum post at the end of June, you might remember that I set a July goal to finish revising the manuscript that was my top priority for the summer. I'm mostly happy to say that project feels like it's going extremely well so far. The revisions I'm doing are making a world of difference in characterization, story depth, continuity, subtext and just overall quality. This one (Following Infinity, for anyone who knows it) was divided up into three parts, and I'm now within spitting distance of finishing the work on Part 1, which is the longest part of the three -- or at least it used to be. If the other two parts come together as well as the first one has so far, I see myself desperately hoping to recruit volunteer readers by summer's end in the hopes of collecting a variety of opinions.
But as well as the work is flowing right now, it is not coming easy. If you don't know this story... I don't want to spoil anything for anyone who might read it someday soon, but I think I can safely say the story has a certain emotional weight to it, and many of the people who've read it have had strong reactions. Without giving it away, I can say that my main character is a thirteen-year-old girl who has just experienced some major upheaval in her life and is caught up in a depressive spiral as she tries to cope with what's happened. Since the story is told in the first person, that means I have to write it by channeling her depression. I can assure you that while this hopefully will produce a much-improved story by the time I'm done, it's no ride around the lake in the meantime. It's been a good thing that I've been kept so busy this July and have seen my family as much as I have these past few weeks, because without those interruptions I would not be the happiest of campers right now. But hey - suffering for the art and all. If it means I wind up with a manuscript that gets a shot at representation or even publication someday, I'll muddle through the self-generated grey skies for a bit. Which kind of explains why I'm taking time to write what now feels like a fairly unnecessary post tonight -- just giving myself a little time to pull back and regain perspective.
So half of July to go. I'm predicting right now that I will NOT be done with the work by the end of the month, but I will have made some significant progress, and I'll be really, really close. And if you're one of my usual first round of readers -- get ready. The day is coming soon.
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
Breaking all Illusions
How's your morning? Kind of relaxed? Maybe a little slow? The calm before the storm of what will likely be a busy holiday weekend? Maybe you'd like to participate in a quick little low-impact social experiment.
I noticed this morning that Summer Vacation's hit count had gone up overnight to just a little south of 5,000. This number would be a serious benchmark for me, and one that I decided I'd like to reach today. The problem is I don't really have anything interesting to say right now that would inspire the comments and likes it would take to get people curious about what's on this end of the link. I've learned that responses are part of the pattern: The posts that get the most individual hits are the ones that have a lot of people liking them or commenting on them.
For my end of this experiment, I'm going to pretend that I wrote something either very funny or touching or personally revealing, then published the post and put up a link. If you, the person reading this right now, is willing to participate in this experiment, I'm asking you to either Like the post where you found this link, or -- even better -- comment on it. But for this to work your comments would have to be some variety of fiction that would make people think there is something so interesting here that they would be compelled to click the link and find out what it is. Comments shouldn't be overly specific, but more along the lines of "I never would have guessed that" / "I kind of suspected you felt that way, but I wasn't sure" / "Don't worry -- I've done the same thing many times and everything turned out all right!" / "I think it's great you can share something that personal and still joke about it" or whatever might come to mind for you. Have some fun with it. (For the record, I borrowed the title of the post from a song. It seemed appropriate for this ruse, and appropriately vague.)
The only reason I think this might work is because I suspect many people would agree that one of my defining qualities is an acutely introverted personality, and if they think I'm letting people see something behind that mask they might become curious to find out what it is. Of course it's equally possible that this is going to sail right off the radar for everyone and my hit count will barely move. It is the day before a national holiday after all, so this could be a bad day to try this. And it's more than possible that I find the things I write about on Summer Vacation much more intriguing than anyone else does, so few people will bother following the link anyway. I guess that's why I see this as an experiment.
So. If you did click the link and read this, I hope you'll at least go back and like it just to perpetuate the gag. I also hope some people will invent comments to write in response that won't give away what's happening here. I fully understand that leaving a comment does make you complicit in what is really just a silly "Made you look!" prank, but I don't think it will work as well without that element, so I hope at least a few people are game. If it makes any difference, as a way of showing my appreciation to anyone leaving a comment, I promise to truthfully answer any question you ask at a later time, whether it's something you think actually would be a deep and dark secret or it's just something you're curious to know; I fully acknowledge that being so introverted I don't often let my guard down. So if there's something you've ever wondered about, here's your chance. (Disclaimer: Any questions would have to go through private messages or be asked in the real world - this is a question you earned with a comment, so the answer isn't going out to the public domain.)
So to anyone who has bothered to read this far: If you plan on helping the cause with a like or a comment, thanks! And to anyone who doesn't usually read Summer Vacation posts but read this because you fell victim to a harmless little prank, well - gotcha! I hope you aren't upset that I used up seven minutes of your day. And hey, now that you've found the place, why not look at that archive list over on the right side of your screen and see of there are older posts you might find interesting enough to read someday? I promise all of the others are real.
Suddenly this whole idea seems ridiculous and self-indulgent, but as long as nobody's getting hurt, what's wrong with a little ridiculous once in awhile? Now to hit "publish" and see what happens....
Have a great Independence Day weekend! And thanks for visiting.
I noticed this morning that Summer Vacation's hit count had gone up overnight to just a little south of 5,000. This number would be a serious benchmark for me, and one that I decided I'd like to reach today. The problem is I don't really have anything interesting to say right now that would inspire the comments and likes it would take to get people curious about what's on this end of the link. I've learned that responses are part of the pattern: The posts that get the most individual hits are the ones that have a lot of people liking them or commenting on them.
For my end of this experiment, I'm going to pretend that I wrote something either very funny or touching or personally revealing, then published the post and put up a link. If you, the person reading this right now, is willing to participate in this experiment, I'm asking you to either Like the post where you found this link, or -- even better -- comment on it. But for this to work your comments would have to be some variety of fiction that would make people think there is something so interesting here that they would be compelled to click the link and find out what it is. Comments shouldn't be overly specific, but more along the lines of "I never would have guessed that" / "I kind of suspected you felt that way, but I wasn't sure" / "Don't worry -- I've done the same thing many times and everything turned out all right!" / "I think it's great you can share something that personal and still joke about it" or whatever might come to mind for you. Have some fun with it. (For the record, I borrowed the title of the post from a song. It seemed appropriate for this ruse, and appropriately vague.)
The only reason I think this might work is because I suspect many people would agree that one of my defining qualities is an acutely introverted personality, and if they think I'm letting people see something behind that mask they might become curious to find out what it is. Of course it's equally possible that this is going to sail right off the radar for everyone and my hit count will barely move. It is the day before a national holiday after all, so this could be a bad day to try this. And it's more than possible that I find the things I write about on Summer Vacation much more intriguing than anyone else does, so few people will bother following the link anyway. I guess that's why I see this as an experiment.
So. If you did click the link and read this, I hope you'll at least go back and like it just to perpetuate the gag. I also hope some people will invent comments to write in response that won't give away what's happening here. I fully understand that leaving a comment does make you complicit in what is really just a silly "Made you look!" prank, but I don't think it will work as well without that element, so I hope at least a few people are game. If it makes any difference, as a way of showing my appreciation to anyone leaving a comment, I promise to truthfully answer any question you ask at a later time, whether it's something you think actually would be a deep and dark secret or it's just something you're curious to know; I fully acknowledge that being so introverted I don't often let my guard down. So if there's something you've ever wondered about, here's your chance. (Disclaimer: Any questions would have to go through private messages or be asked in the real world - this is a question you earned with a comment, so the answer isn't going out to the public domain.)
So to anyone who has bothered to read this far: If you plan on helping the cause with a like or a comment, thanks! And to anyone who doesn't usually read Summer Vacation posts but read this because you fell victim to a harmless little prank, well - gotcha! I hope you aren't upset that I used up seven minutes of your day. And hey, now that you've found the place, why not look at that archive list over on the right side of your screen and see of there are older posts you might find interesting enough to read someday? I promise all of the others are real.
Suddenly this whole idea seems ridiculous and self-indulgent, but as long as nobody's getting hurt, what's wrong with a little ridiculous once in awhile? Now to hit "publish" and see what happens....
Have a great Independence Day weekend! And thanks for visiting.
Sunday, June 30, 2013
Six Down
Although I never stated it as an official Momentum goal for June, I think I still telegraphed my plan was to simply drop off the face of the Earth. A few people and a few events have managed to interrupt that, but I’m happy to report that for the most part I can file this one under mission accomplished.
After roughly two decades of teaching, I’ve learned my summer vacations usually fall into a regular routine. In June there’s all the time in the world. No pressure to do anything immediate, nothing school-related daring to cross my mind. The only thing I have to do is be. A morning workout, an afternoon movie and stopping at a gas station for a fill-up and a car wash can become a pretty full day, and I have little problem with that. When July begins it still feels like there’s all the time in the world, but time spent alternating between reading and napping for five-hour stretches starts to feel self-indulgent, and that “Things To Accomplish This Summer” list I come up with every year scratches a little harder at my brain. In July I start making an effort to accomplish actual goals, even if they are a lower grade of goal that just about anything I would need to take on during the school year. Once August arrives, things change. The countdown to that first official day back slowly become more tangible. So if there was going to be a month when I’d give myself permission to drop off the face of the Earth or a month when it would be necessary for my mental health to do it? Yeah. We’re looking at June.
But June is almost over now. July holds some promise for being an enjoyable month -- at least the first half -- but that Summer To Do List is scratching harder. So in the words of President Bartlet: “Break’s over.” And to make sure I avoid the stress that accompanies long-term procrastination, I have a few projects I’m going to start paying more attention to in July so they don’t pile up in August. But only one of them is getting selected as my Momentum goal for July.
Before we get into that, let’s do a quick recap. We’re now halfway through 2013, so this seems like a good time to reflect on how well this experiment has worked out so far:
January: Finish writing the manuscript I began in November. Spectacular failure.
February: Take the decision-making out of any situation and always make the healthier choice I had available. Conditional success.
March: Organize all of my electronic files related to school. Failure.
April: Clean my house from top to bottom. Success.
May: Write a blog post every day. Success.
June: Drop off the face of the Earth. Conditional success.
Which brings us to July. As I mentioned awhile back, maybe in March or April, one of my older manuscripts (Following Infinity if you’ve ever been one of my readers) had a little life breathed back into it when one of my colleagues took on the job of using it as a read aloud for all three of the fifth grade classes. That was enough to get me to dig it out and give it a second look. Infinity has always been one of my favorites since it’s very personal and emotional, it was one of the easier ones to write (probably because it was so personal) and it was the first one to catch the interest of a literary agent. Of course it didn’t go any further than that, and the disappointment saw me shelve it for awhile and move on to something else. But getting it out for a second look reminded me that I still believe in it, and I decided this summer my big writing project was going to be revising it into fighting shape and giving it more of a chance in the marketplace than I had before.
I started picking away at it in June and soon discovered that as much as I still believe in it -- wow, is there a LOT of work to be done. And the thing about revision, for those of you lucky and/or smart enough to stay away from ever trying to write a book? It’s five times harder than writing the original draft, and takes ten times longer to do well.
Knowing I have a limited window of time before the coming school year begins to infect my thinking, I’m making it my Momentum goal for July to finish revising Following Infinity before August. That way I’ll have some time to start thinking about submitting it again before I’m back in my classroom, and I should have time to enjoy as much of the remaining summer as I can before I freeze up in the approaching headlights of the 2013-14 school year.
Okay, that’s all you get for now. I’ve got a book I really want to finish reading before I dive back into hardcore revision, so I think I’m going to go find a sunny spot to read before my next nap kicks in....
After roughly two decades of teaching, I’ve learned my summer vacations usually fall into a regular routine. In June there’s all the time in the world. No pressure to do anything immediate, nothing school-related daring to cross my mind. The only thing I have to do is be. A morning workout, an afternoon movie and stopping at a gas station for a fill-up and a car wash can become a pretty full day, and I have little problem with that. When July begins it still feels like there’s all the time in the world, but time spent alternating between reading and napping for five-hour stretches starts to feel self-indulgent, and that “Things To Accomplish This Summer” list I come up with every year scratches a little harder at my brain. In July I start making an effort to accomplish actual goals, even if they are a lower grade of goal that just about anything I would need to take on during the school year. Once August arrives, things change. The countdown to that first official day back slowly become more tangible. So if there was going to be a month when I’d give myself permission to drop off the face of the Earth or a month when it would be necessary for my mental health to do it? Yeah. We’re looking at June.
But June is almost over now. July holds some promise for being an enjoyable month -- at least the first half -- but that Summer To Do List is scratching harder. So in the words of President Bartlet: “Break’s over.” And to make sure I avoid the stress that accompanies long-term procrastination, I have a few projects I’m going to start paying more attention to in July so they don’t pile up in August. But only one of them is getting selected as my Momentum goal for July.
Before we get into that, let’s do a quick recap. We’re now halfway through 2013, so this seems like a good time to reflect on how well this experiment has worked out so far:
January: Finish writing the manuscript I began in November. Spectacular failure.
February: Take the decision-making out of any situation and always make the healthier choice I had available. Conditional success.
March: Organize all of my electronic files related to school. Failure.
April: Clean my house from top to bottom. Success.
May: Write a blog post every day. Success.
June: Drop off the face of the Earth. Conditional success.
Which brings us to July. As I mentioned awhile back, maybe in March or April, one of my older manuscripts (Following Infinity if you’ve ever been one of my readers) had a little life breathed back into it when one of my colleagues took on the job of using it as a read aloud for all three of the fifth grade classes. That was enough to get me to dig it out and give it a second look. Infinity has always been one of my favorites since it’s very personal and emotional, it was one of the easier ones to write (probably because it was so personal) and it was the first one to catch the interest of a literary agent. Of course it didn’t go any further than that, and the disappointment saw me shelve it for awhile and move on to something else. But getting it out for a second look reminded me that I still believe in it, and I decided this summer my big writing project was going to be revising it into fighting shape and giving it more of a chance in the marketplace than I had before.
I started picking away at it in June and soon discovered that as much as I still believe in it -- wow, is there a LOT of work to be done. And the thing about revision, for those of you lucky and/or smart enough to stay away from ever trying to write a book? It’s five times harder than writing the original draft, and takes ten times longer to do well.
Knowing I have a limited window of time before the coming school year begins to infect my thinking, I’m making it my Momentum goal for July to finish revising Following Infinity before August. That way I’ll have some time to start thinking about submitting it again before I’m back in my classroom, and I should have time to enjoy as much of the remaining summer as I can before I freeze up in the approaching headlights of the 2013-14 school year.
Okay, that’s all you get for now. I’ve got a book I really want to finish reading before I dive back into hardcore revision, so I think I’m going to go find a sunny spot to read before my next nap kicks in....
Friday, June 21, 2013
Books!
Stepping back onto the face of the Earth for a moment, although a residual geometric bell just went off in my head as I wrote that, telling me I’m incorrect in calling it the “face” of the Earth and should, in fact, refer to it as the “surface” of the Earth, since a three-dimensional spherical object would not contain any faces. But I’m not tired of summer enough yet to start thinking about more math than I need to, so I’m just going to tell that little bell to shut it’s #$%^*! mouth and move on....
It’s not a big stretch of logic to think that because of the amount of time and energy and self I invest into writing that I’d also be a pretty big reader as well. For the most part this is true, although for me reading tends to come and go in waves rather than any kind of constant “put-one-book-down-and-pick-up-another” pattern. I can go for long periods of time without really reading much of anything, but then just finding the one book that reignites the spark can get me on such a binge I’ll kept different books in progress in each room of the house, so I can always pick one up and dive back in if the moment strikes. It should go without saying that summer vacation is usually one of those times.
Before the Borders store that was only half a mile from my house closed (may it rest in peace), I could easily spend an afternoon of browsing the entire store for something that looked mildly interesting, and then wouldn’t be done until I walked out of the place with two or three new titles in my shopping bag. Maybe not the most economic approach to reading, but I’ve always liked the idea of having a house full of books. My grandmother lived that way, my parents live that way, and my sister lives that way... though a good percentage of the books in her house are ones she borrowed from me that just found their way onto a shelf. Which is okay. I like the idea of keeping books I’ve read as trophies of accomplishment, and I like having my all-time favorites within reach in case I want to revisit them or just look up a particularly memorable quote. But once you finish reading a book it becomes a part of your life experience. Whether you possess a physical copy or not, you still carry it with you if the story or characters or ideas are worth keeping.
I can think of several moments in the past couple of months when people have asked me (directly or indirectly) for book recommendations or have come to me with books they have insisted that I read. If I’m going to read or recommend a book, it will usually fall into one of two, or both, categories: Books that will serve as some kind of amusing distraction or books that are so well-written they leave me shaking my head in awe. So in the interest of establishing some kind of permanent record on the subject, today I’m going to offer a list of my ten favorite books. Of course this comes with conditions: To call anything a favorite is a bold statement, and with what I’m sure would be the thousands of books I’ve read in my lifetime it would be next to impossible to definitively say which ten of them I would single out over all the others. Some are easy choices, but I wonder about which others I’m overlooking and which ones could be added to the list in coming months. Anyway, with the best explanations I can offer, here are what I would call my ten favorite books, for the moment. In no particular order, with noted exceptions:
The List of 7, by Mark Frost. Set in Victorian England, this murder mystery offers the premise that Arthur Conan Doyle was inspired to write the adventures of Sherlock Holmes after experiencing this fictional adventure with a man named Jack Sparks, upon whom he would ultimately base his signature character. It’s written in a voice authentically appropriate for the time period, which makes it a challenging read in a good way. The mystery eventually expands into a wider conspiracy with some dark horror themes, but the story catapults you forward.
The Stand, by Stephen King. I was a big reader when I was a kid and fell out of the habit in my junior high years. Finding this book in high school was what brought me back. This book is so deeply embedded in my DNA I can’t imagine anyone not being at least peripherally aware of it, but just in case, here goes: A superflu virus wipes out about 95% of the human race, and the survivors are led by their dreams into a final battle of good vs. evil. The good people congregate in Boulder, CO, while the evils ones, of course, hook up in Vegas. For better or for worse, Stephen King has proven to be one of my larger influences as a writer -- more in terms of style than subject matter.
Fargo Rock City, by Chuck Klosterman. One of the rare non-fiction titles on my list is a memoir of what it meant to grow up in the 1980s as a music fan, particularly of what people now would dismissively refer to as “hair metal.” It’s definitely a book about music, but is told from the perspective of a true fan recounting not just his opinions of the subject matter but of the vividly and hilariously described memories and experiences he has related to the music he loves. More than any other book or writer I can think of, this one ultimately had the most influence on the written voice I’ve used in what I think of as some of my better moments here on “Summer Vacation.”
The Passage, by Justin Cronin. One of the newer books on this list from one of my favorite writers, and one I’ve already written about extensively in other posts here. Similar to The Stand in it’s apocalyptic themes, this tells the story of a virus that turns most of the population into a monstrously feral type of vampire, as well as how the survivors struggle to build a new life and society its wake a century later, and a mysterious girl at the center of it all. It’s the first book in a trilogy that continued this past fall with the second book, “The Twelve.” I was able to shake Cronin’s hand at a book signing last October. It was a moment.
Los Alamos, by Joseph Kanon. A murder mystery peripherally set during the Manhattan Project, with real people such as Robert Oppenheimer used as major characters. I first checked it out thinking it would be little more than an entertaining paperback, but the writing was so masterfully done my admiration would occasionally pull me out of the story to reread certain passages several times.
WLT: A Radio Romance, by Garrison Keillor. One of my favorite writers (and another of my bigger influences) telling a very unique story about the origin of a small local radio station and the people who play roles in its evolution into something more. Much of Keillor’s best written work is told through short stories, so it was a treat to be able to experience his characters developing throughout an entire novel. It’s been so long since I’ve read this that I just paused writing this paragraph long enough to add it to my Amazon shopping cart.
The Eyes of the Dragon, by Stephen King. Essentially a fairy tale for adults, complete with kings, knights, princes, castles, evil magicians, true love and redemption. As perfectly as constructed of a story as anyone could hope to read. If you’ve written off Stephen King as nothing but a horror writer, you are missing out on a story that would change your mind. One of a very small number of books of which I own multiple copies.
North of Hope, by John Hassler. A Minnesota author of many great books, but this one always stood head and shoulders above the others for me as a bleak masterpiece. Set in the rural emptiness of Northern Minnesota, it's full of characters you find yourself rooting for even though you know there’s no possible way things are going to end well for them.
Watership Down, by Richard Adams. To describe this book as epic really doesn’t go far enough to do it justice. It would best be called fantasy since most of the characters are rabbits, but it goes far beyond just that. These are rabbits on a quest for survival, with varying degrees of morality, creating a society with a social hierarchy, a history, and a deep mythology. Most of these rabbits are some of the most fully-realized characters I’ve ever read. I’ve read this one more times than I can remember, sometimes for my own enjoyment and sometimes as a read-aloud to my students (even if it takes half the school year to finish). It always takes them time to warm to the story and the characters, but once they’ve engaged the book it always owns them. Here’s my noted exception: This one is at the top of my list. This is probably my actual favorite book.
The Polysyllabic Spree, by Nick Hornby. He’s one of my favorite writers and has many books that I’ve enjoyed, but none of them really jump out as indispensable for me. However, this one is unique: I’ve always had an ever-growing pile of books to read in my house, and I’m fully aware that many of them will probably never be read. This book is about having an ever-growing pile of books in your house that probably will never be read. For that reason alone, and to respect the premise in the most meta-ironically way I can, I will never be able to bring myself to even begin reading it.
If any of these sound interesting, go ahead and put either your library or your credit card into action. Or you could always give me a call -- I’ve got most of these stashed away somewhere in my house, waiting for someone to bring them back to life.
It’s not a big stretch of logic to think that because of the amount of time and energy and self I invest into writing that I’d also be a pretty big reader as well. For the most part this is true, although for me reading tends to come and go in waves rather than any kind of constant “put-one-book-down-and-pick-up-another” pattern. I can go for long periods of time without really reading much of anything, but then just finding the one book that reignites the spark can get me on such a binge I’ll kept different books in progress in each room of the house, so I can always pick one up and dive back in if the moment strikes. It should go without saying that summer vacation is usually one of those times.
Before the Borders store that was only half a mile from my house closed (may it rest in peace), I could easily spend an afternoon of browsing the entire store for something that looked mildly interesting, and then wouldn’t be done until I walked out of the place with two or three new titles in my shopping bag. Maybe not the most economic approach to reading, but I’ve always liked the idea of having a house full of books. My grandmother lived that way, my parents live that way, and my sister lives that way... though a good percentage of the books in her house are ones she borrowed from me that just found their way onto a shelf. Which is okay. I like the idea of keeping books I’ve read as trophies of accomplishment, and I like having my all-time favorites within reach in case I want to revisit them or just look up a particularly memorable quote. But once you finish reading a book it becomes a part of your life experience. Whether you possess a physical copy or not, you still carry it with you if the story or characters or ideas are worth keeping.
I can think of several moments in the past couple of months when people have asked me (directly or indirectly) for book recommendations or have come to me with books they have insisted that I read. If I’m going to read or recommend a book, it will usually fall into one of two, or both, categories: Books that will serve as some kind of amusing distraction or books that are so well-written they leave me shaking my head in awe. So in the interest of establishing some kind of permanent record on the subject, today I’m going to offer a list of my ten favorite books. Of course this comes with conditions: To call anything a favorite is a bold statement, and with what I’m sure would be the thousands of books I’ve read in my lifetime it would be next to impossible to definitively say which ten of them I would single out over all the others. Some are easy choices, but I wonder about which others I’m overlooking and which ones could be added to the list in coming months. Anyway, with the best explanations I can offer, here are what I would call my ten favorite books, for the moment. In no particular order, with noted exceptions:
The List of 7, by Mark Frost. Set in Victorian England, this murder mystery offers the premise that Arthur Conan Doyle was inspired to write the adventures of Sherlock Holmes after experiencing this fictional adventure with a man named Jack Sparks, upon whom he would ultimately base his signature character. It’s written in a voice authentically appropriate for the time period, which makes it a challenging read in a good way. The mystery eventually expands into a wider conspiracy with some dark horror themes, but the story catapults you forward.
The Stand, by Stephen King. I was a big reader when I was a kid and fell out of the habit in my junior high years. Finding this book in high school was what brought me back. This book is so deeply embedded in my DNA I can’t imagine anyone not being at least peripherally aware of it, but just in case, here goes: A superflu virus wipes out about 95% of the human race, and the survivors are led by their dreams into a final battle of good vs. evil. The good people congregate in Boulder, CO, while the evils ones, of course, hook up in Vegas. For better or for worse, Stephen King has proven to be one of my larger influences as a writer -- more in terms of style than subject matter.
Fargo Rock City, by Chuck Klosterman. One of the rare non-fiction titles on my list is a memoir of what it meant to grow up in the 1980s as a music fan, particularly of what people now would dismissively refer to as “hair metal.” It’s definitely a book about music, but is told from the perspective of a true fan recounting not just his opinions of the subject matter but of the vividly and hilariously described memories and experiences he has related to the music he loves. More than any other book or writer I can think of, this one ultimately had the most influence on the written voice I’ve used in what I think of as some of my better moments here on “Summer Vacation.”
The Passage, by Justin Cronin. One of the newer books on this list from one of my favorite writers, and one I’ve already written about extensively in other posts here. Similar to The Stand in it’s apocalyptic themes, this tells the story of a virus that turns most of the population into a monstrously feral type of vampire, as well as how the survivors struggle to build a new life and society its wake a century later, and a mysterious girl at the center of it all. It’s the first book in a trilogy that continued this past fall with the second book, “The Twelve.” I was able to shake Cronin’s hand at a book signing last October. It was a moment.
Los Alamos, by Joseph Kanon. A murder mystery peripherally set during the Manhattan Project, with real people such as Robert Oppenheimer used as major characters. I first checked it out thinking it would be little more than an entertaining paperback, but the writing was so masterfully done my admiration would occasionally pull me out of the story to reread certain passages several times.
WLT: A Radio Romance, by Garrison Keillor. One of my favorite writers (and another of my bigger influences) telling a very unique story about the origin of a small local radio station and the people who play roles in its evolution into something more. Much of Keillor’s best written work is told through short stories, so it was a treat to be able to experience his characters developing throughout an entire novel. It’s been so long since I’ve read this that I just paused writing this paragraph long enough to add it to my Amazon shopping cart.
The Eyes of the Dragon, by Stephen King. Essentially a fairy tale for adults, complete with kings, knights, princes, castles, evil magicians, true love and redemption. As perfectly as constructed of a story as anyone could hope to read. If you’ve written off Stephen King as nothing but a horror writer, you are missing out on a story that would change your mind. One of a very small number of books of which I own multiple copies.
North of Hope, by John Hassler. A Minnesota author of many great books, but this one always stood head and shoulders above the others for me as a bleak masterpiece. Set in the rural emptiness of Northern Minnesota, it's full of characters you find yourself rooting for even though you know there’s no possible way things are going to end well for them.
Watership Down, by Richard Adams. To describe this book as epic really doesn’t go far enough to do it justice. It would best be called fantasy since most of the characters are rabbits, but it goes far beyond just that. These are rabbits on a quest for survival, with varying degrees of morality, creating a society with a social hierarchy, a history, and a deep mythology. Most of these rabbits are some of the most fully-realized characters I’ve ever read. I’ve read this one more times than I can remember, sometimes for my own enjoyment and sometimes as a read-aloud to my students (even if it takes half the school year to finish). It always takes them time to warm to the story and the characters, but once they’ve engaged the book it always owns them. Here’s my noted exception: This one is at the top of my list. This is probably my actual favorite book.
The Polysyllabic Spree, by Nick Hornby. He’s one of my favorite writers and has many books that I’ve enjoyed, but none of them really jump out as indispensable for me. However, this one is unique: I’ve always had an ever-growing pile of books to read in my house, and I’m fully aware that many of them will probably never be read. This book is about having an ever-growing pile of books in your house that probably will never be read. For that reason alone, and to respect the premise in the most meta-ironically way I can, I will never be able to bring myself to even begin reading it.
If any of these sound interesting, go ahead and put either your library or your credit card into action. Or you could always give me a call -- I’ve got most of these stashed away somewhere in my house, waiting for someone to bring them back to life.
Friday, May 31, 2013
Day 31: Five Down
And here we are finally at the end of this experiment. I’ve always wondered if publishing posts more frequently would change anything about readership and thought this month would be a good test case for that. Turns out it was, but just not with the trend I’d hoped to see. Oh well. Woe is me and all. I haven’t lost any Facebook friends during the month so at least it doesn’t seem like I’ve offended anyone. That must count for something.
So was it worth the effort? I honestly don’t know. The audience didn’t build, and sure, audience is important. I thought more posts could lead to more people reading or maybe even me getting into enough of a flow to write something people would find share-worthy, but that didn’t happen. Like I’ve said before, I don’t write something and hope I’m the only person who will ever read it. Musicians want to be heard, artists want to be viewed, writers want to be read. Writing doesn’t come to life until someone else reads it and reacts to it. And to generalize, the more people reached the more life the writing has. At least from a perspective.
But collecting Likes and Comments and Hits isn’t the reason for doing all of this. The real goal, whether I ever stated it or not, was to get myself back into a habit of writing every day in preparation for the summer. I have high ambitions about what I’d like to do with my break this year, and with only one more week until I’m there I do feel I’m a lot more ready to get to work than I did a month ago. So in that sense all of this was very much worth the effort, and I’m glad I put in the mileage to get where I am. Now it’s all about the next step.
If you’ve stuck with me this far, you might be interested in the statistics for the month. Going back to my first post on May 1 and up through this one:
I wrote a little more than 28,000 words on the blog this month, which roughly translates into about 95 double-spaced pages. It had taken me the previous year to publish as many posts as I have in May. I collected a total of 72 Facebook comments (not including the few response comments I made) and, oddly enough, 72 likes. Many of the likes and comments kept coming from the same people, and to those people, thank you for reading -- I hope you haven’t learned too many things about me this month that make you wish you could run and hide and forget.
So as you can tell, I’ve been kind of busy. And my eyes are both tired and burning with a little residual sunblock after a day spent monitoring the dunk tank at Track and Field Day. And it’s a Friday night. So, if you don’t mind I think I am going to drop off the face of the Earth for awhile. I’ll be back here when I’ve got something else to say that seems like a good fit. It could be in a few days or a few weeks, but sooner or later I’ll be back. I just gotta rest up a bit first. And of course, June starts tomorrow. Which means I have just a little over three hours to think of what my next monthly goal is going to be....
So was it worth the effort? I honestly don’t know. The audience didn’t build, and sure, audience is important. I thought more posts could lead to more people reading or maybe even me getting into enough of a flow to write something people would find share-worthy, but that didn’t happen. Like I’ve said before, I don’t write something and hope I’m the only person who will ever read it. Musicians want to be heard, artists want to be viewed, writers want to be read. Writing doesn’t come to life until someone else reads it and reacts to it. And to generalize, the more people reached the more life the writing has. At least from a perspective.
But collecting Likes and Comments and Hits isn’t the reason for doing all of this. The real goal, whether I ever stated it or not, was to get myself back into a habit of writing every day in preparation for the summer. I have high ambitions about what I’d like to do with my break this year, and with only one more week until I’m there I do feel I’m a lot more ready to get to work than I did a month ago. So in that sense all of this was very much worth the effort, and I’m glad I put in the mileage to get where I am. Now it’s all about the next step.
If you’ve stuck with me this far, you might be interested in the statistics for the month. Going back to my first post on May 1 and up through this one:
I wrote a little more than 28,000 words on the blog this month, which roughly translates into about 95 double-spaced pages. It had taken me the previous year to publish as many posts as I have in May. I collected a total of 72 Facebook comments (not including the few response comments I made) and, oddly enough, 72 likes. Many of the likes and comments kept coming from the same people, and to those people, thank you for reading -- I hope you haven’t learned too many things about me this month that make you wish you could run and hide and forget.
So as you can tell, I’ve been kind of busy. And my eyes are both tired and burning with a little residual sunblock after a day spent monitoring the dunk tank at Track and Field Day. And it’s a Friday night. So, if you don’t mind I think I am going to drop off the face of the Earth for awhile. I’ll be back here when I’ve got something else to say that seems like a good fit. It could be in a few days or a few weeks, but sooner or later I’ll be back. I just gotta rest up a bit first. And of course, June starts tomorrow. Which means I have just a little over three hours to think of what my next monthly goal is going to be....
Thursday, May 30, 2013
Day 30: In Conclusion
Short one today. Not because I'm stuck for ideas again, but more because I feel like I've arrived at a sort of wrap-up. I wrote awhile back that the inertia of life had become an unofficial theme running through a lot of these Month of May posts. A lot also came up about teaching and school. This wasn't a surprise because those themes have been recurring often enough on "Summer Vacation" to merit their own label. While trying to put together the ideas I wanted to write about tonight, I began to see intersection points between those ideas.
The Inertia of Life came up as a way of describing how easy it can be to fall into a habit or routine, and how that routine can go on long enough to someday become a defining characteristic. That isn't always a great thing if these routines get in the way of the kind of progress a person might hope to achieve.
But if inertia is defined by a tendency to remain unchanged, I think a state of progress can exist that takes place over such a long period of time it's possible the small changes always taking place can go unnoticed. It's easy for me to think, "Well, I've been teaching this grade for this many years and everything just falls into the same routine after all that time." But that isn't really true. Just in the past few years my school has experienced nothing less than a complete redefinition, and while a lot of the familiar anchors and surroundings remain in place, over time they either move on, fade away or evolve into something new. It puts me in mind of some more words from the great Canadian poet Neil Peart, who once wrote:
"Summer's going fast, nights growing colder
Children growing up, old friends growing older
Freeze this moment a little bit longer
Make each sensation a little bit stronger
Experience slips away
Experience slips away...
The innocence slips away."
Time does not stand still. Life does not stand still, even if sometimes it feels like it does. We're always living in the good old days one way or another whether we realize it or not. We're always composing the footnotes we'll refer to in the future. We all struggle in some way to reconcile the life we lead with the ideal we may not have achieved yet. And we're always planting seeds. It's just that sometimes you don't realize the seeds have grown and matured into trees until you notice how they've grown to tower above you.
Okay. And that's Day 30. One more of these tomorrow and then I'm going to drop off the face of the Earth for awhile....
The Inertia of Life came up as a way of describing how easy it can be to fall into a habit or routine, and how that routine can go on long enough to someday become a defining characteristic. That isn't always a great thing if these routines get in the way of the kind of progress a person might hope to achieve.
But if inertia is defined by a tendency to remain unchanged, I think a state of progress can exist that takes place over such a long period of time it's possible the small changes always taking place can go unnoticed. It's easy for me to think, "Well, I've been teaching this grade for this many years and everything just falls into the same routine after all that time." But that isn't really true. Just in the past few years my school has experienced nothing less than a complete redefinition, and while a lot of the familiar anchors and surroundings remain in place, over time they either move on, fade away or evolve into something new. It puts me in mind of some more words from the great Canadian poet Neil Peart, who once wrote:
"Summer's going fast, nights growing colder
Children growing up, old friends growing older
Freeze this moment a little bit longer
Make each sensation a little bit stronger
Experience slips away
Experience slips away...
The innocence slips away."
Time does not stand still. Life does not stand still, even if sometimes it feels like it does. We're always living in the good old days one way or another whether we realize it or not. We're always composing the footnotes we'll refer to in the future. We all struggle in some way to reconcile the life we lead with the ideal we may not have achieved yet. And we're always planting seeds. It's just that sometimes you don't realize the seeds have grown and matured into trees until you notice how they've grown to tower above you.
Okay. And that's Day 30. One more of these tomorrow and then I'm going to drop off the face of the Earth for awhile....
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