I’m not someone who should do a lot of reflecting, because it usually leads me to questioning a lot of my decisions, and, more importantly, my hesitations. It makes me think about where I always thought I’d be at this stage of my life and why I’m not there, at which point I begin looking for ways to blame myself for that.
Today is my last day being 50. Like too many years, there was little that distinguished it as anything different than most. If this hadn’t been the year I adopted Freddie, it would have seemed a lot like almost any other year from the past decade. I never physically felt the age any more than any other age, but it was the year that people started treating me like I was older. Not everyone, and not by a lot, but enough to be noticed.
It makes me think about the coming school year, with longtime friends moving on to new buildings and a lot of new people joining our staff. Are they going to immediately categorize me as the old guy, which I certainly am at our school? Will it be easy for them to see me on the way out instead of building my way into the career, or as someone established in my peak years?
Eventually though, my thinking shifts. Instead of wondering about what mistakes I wish I could edit out, I start to speculate about what other stories are waiting to happen. Ups and downs for certain, but hopefully enough of a mix that will keep things interesting and keep me more anxious to find out what comes next than looking back and putting too much concern in what’s already happened.
After all, life continues moving on no matter what. It will have lows, and it will have highs. All we can hope for is enough highs to overwhelm the lows.
Hmm…that sounds familiar, somehow….
No comments:
Post a Comment