There are two weeks left in this school year. When the next one starts, things at the building where I teach are going to be different, but not necessarily for the better: Due to several dramatic turns of events taking place all at once, our staff is losing a significant number of people, and it’s likely we’ll lose even more before all of the dust settles. It doesn’t stop there, though. The domino effect of this is that some people who have been colleagues and friends for any number of years will have more separation in their days than they’re used to. The shifts this year generally have more to do with changes occurring in building programming instead of being anyone’s fault, but the end result still means many of us are going to be losing our friends. And even though it’s a part of how the system works and we’ve all seen things like this happen before, it’s still sad.
Friendships develop as people find common threads between them, such as shared personal interests, or mutual appreciation, or just discovering ways they fulfill some kind of need in each other's lives. Intangible bonds form around these threads, and we find ourselves drawn to the people who willingly accept whatever it is about us we can offer.
I think it’s fair to say that many friendships formed in a school are heightened by the emotional and stressful nature of the work that goes on there. I don’t agree with the platitude of calling a school staff a “family,” but there is absolutely a tone of “we’re all in this together” woven though the connections between people there. The overall purpose to which we’ve committed ourselves, as well as the tremendous time and energy we’ve invested in our work, can be a powerful uniting force.
But what happens when that unity is broken? What happens to relationships held together by shared goals and common interests and simple proximity when external changes either break them clean or start wearing them away? How long will those friendships hang on once the strongest reasons that kept them together are removed?
I can think of so many people I’ve lost when they’ve gone to other schools, from even just the past five years. Back when those people and I were parts of daily life for each other, we had a lot of life intersections. Circumstance brought us together long enough for us to become important to each other, but then paths diverged. So many of these relationships slowly faded into something less as we became people we were happy to see at district meetings, or people we stayed networked with over social media, but didn’t preserve much of a connection beyond occasionally liking a photo or punctuating a comment with “Miss you!” From that perspective, social networking has become a convenient way to collect the memories of people who have come and gone through our lives, and were too important to us to ever completely set aside. Instead of being the immediate friends we see every day, we become the people who say they’ll stay in touch, or agree to get together sometime, even though we both know how likely it is that might not happen. Everyone has a life away from school to go back to, and we all are going to be more concerned about the people in front of us each day than the ones from way back when that we don’t really see anymore.
For my friends who are already leaving, or still might be as the summer unfolds, I’m not happy about losing you. If you’re moving on to something better that will bring you happiness, I wish you all the best. If we’ve had any kind of a bond that went beyond a working relationship, I’ll be sorry when you aren’t around to be a part of that anymore. I’m glad we shared as much of our lives that we did. I appreciate all you did to make my life better, and for accepting me as I am and for who I try to be. I know you’ll find new friendships along whatever road your life follows, just as new people will be passing through my life as well. It’s just a little sad to think that we used to be those new people for each other, and then we discovered we got along, and then we became friends, and now that’s moving on for us.
We’ll have to be sure to get together sometime and catch up.
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