The old saying goes, “If I knew back then what I know now….”
People often believe they would have done some things in their lives differently with the benefit of hindsight. It would be great fun to go back to college and live as a full-time student in my late teens and early twenties again, but obviously I can’t. However, you are only weeks away from starting that life. In that spirit, here’s a round of advice for you to internalize or ignore as you see fit (but a lot of it is pretty good, so I hope you don’t ignore it). I’ve written a few posts like this for different people in the past, and with any luck it will at least give you things to consider. I’m posting this as open in case there are any other people on their way to college this fall who might get something out of this. (Good luck, Alejandro!)
*Think about your reasons for being there. Many people go to college only because it seems like the next step in how they think they’re supposed to live their life. What do you hope to get out of it? The truth is college isn’t for everybody, and by no means does it guarantee happiness and success. Happiness comes from getting to do what you want with your life. Having a college degree will be the best path to the greatest number of available choices and opportunities.
*It isn’t going to be like high school, where you can just show up and mark your time until you get a diploma. Whatever you get out of college completely depends on what you decide to put into it. In high school, it was the job of the teachers to teach you. In college, it’s your job to learn. Professors are there to help you, but you’re the one who has to live the life that comes after. Also remember another big difference between high school and college: High school was free.
*The first two years are when you establish a baseline for your GPA. Once you start working on your major, classes will be more difficult. And even though the GPA will only be one line on a resumé, it will be one that future employers will spend time considering.
*Set goals. Plan for ways to work around any patterns that get in your way, and take advantage of the ones that work. If you know 8:00 AM classes aren’t going to work for you, don’t take them. If you ever get stuck in a situation where you don’t have any other choice, figure out a way to make it work. Find a routine to get your class work done, and seriously, get your class work done. It won’t be just completing assignments anymore; it’ll be learning what you need to know to get through adult life.
*Some of the best memories I have from college were the result of the chances I took. All of my biggest regrets were from the ones I didn’t. Don’t let hesitation choose your path.
*Today’s trials are tomorrow’s footnotes. Sometimes you’re going to screw up in epic ways, but everyone does, so don’t beat yourself up over it too much. If you make a mistake, own it, fix what you can, learn from it, and move on. Don’t get caught in a spiral of having things go wrong and automatically blaming other people and scenarios. College life is filled with both boys and men. It won’t be hard to tell them apart.
*Take advantage of this time to discover who you are and prepare for the life you want to have. Learn to recognize the significance of small events as well as big ones. Enjoy the blank slate and the chance you get to define yourself. Pause and occasionally allow yourself half a thought to appreciate what’s happening to you in the moment, because, believe it or not, these next few years are going to absolutely fly by.
*Own your past and acknowledge the role it played in establishing the person you are, and how it can still influence the person you’ll become.
*You will be responsible, in some way, for anything and everything you do. College is a great time to get the stupid out of your system (you’ll see a lot of people doing this) before you have to officially join the real world as a full-fledged adult, but you will still be held accountable for your decisions and actions. You’ll hear people frequently using something like “Dude, I was sooooo wasted” as a reason for making complete asses of themselves, but that’s a weak excuse. Teachers won’t care. Employers won’t care. Police won’t care. (Not that I expect you to have any run-ins with the police, but still.) People will see your actions as a result of the decisions you make, and take that as a representation of the person you are.
*NEVER walk into a dorm bathroom with bare feet.
*You’re 18 so you could probably nutritionally absorb cardboard without experiencing so much as a stomachache for a few more years, but there’s going to be an extraordinary amount of pizza in your future. Keep exercising! See what’s available on campus and take advantage of it. You’ve played team sports since before you could read; there will probably be some campus intramural programs you can find. Think of that last baseball game from this summer, when your team played and mixed things up just for the fun of it without caring if you won or lost. Pursue that interest for the people you’ll meet, the exercise you’ll get, and the mental balance it will help bring to your life.
*You’ll be approximately halfway between the Cities, where your family lives, and Madison, where your brother lives. Either way, you’re going to be driving a lot. I know you’re smart enough to know better already, but I’m saying it for the record: For the love of God, don’t text and drive.
*When you feel insecure about things, remember that everyone around you will be insecure. Everyone is just trying to get by. Everyone is looking to define themselves and figure things out, even the people who either seem like or act like they’ve already figured things out. They haven’t.
*Respect the people, and especially the women, around you. Luckily you and your brothers all have strong relationships with your mother, so that’s going to give you a head start. Demonstrate that respect in ways that will help you earn it from others. At the same time, remember that you can’t control how other people think and feel, and that no one has either the right or the power to marginalize you.
*The people you'll know and the friends you'll make will come from three groups: The ones you live with, the ones you learn with, and everyone else. How big Everyone Else is completely depends on how involved you decide to be in campus life beyond your dorm room. These next few years are going to be the last time in your entire life when you will be surrounded by people your age. Take advantage of that.
*Text your mom sometimes, just because she’ll miss you.
*Remember there are all kinds of us who want to see you succeed and are cheering you on. Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you ever feel it’s all becoming too much. We’ve always had your back, and we always will.
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