Purple "Pride"

I’d call this one of my more controversial posts since it touches on subjects that are way too important to some people, but since very few people will even see this I’ll just call it “potentially controversial.”

I’d define myself as a very casual sports fan. Really. You’ve heard of that mythical person living in the Northern Suburbs who doesn’t live and die by local sports teams? Yeah. Me. I follow the Vikings’ season as intently as I follow any professional sports team, which is to say that I’ll watch each game they play during a season, usually without napping for more than ten or fifteen minutes. I’ll occasionally watch the Twins play if I come across a game while flipping channels or they’re on a TV while I’m on the treadmill at the Y, but I don’t have the patience to care about one hundred sixty-two games played over a season. Basketball can be very exciting, but I’d much rather watch “Hoosiers” again than sit through the carnage of a Timberwolves game. And hockey? Yeesh. I have seen maybe five entire hockey games played at any level in my life. So really it’s not physically possible to care less about the Wild than I do, to say nothing of my theory that youth hockey is closer to being an athletic cult than a recreational program. And I haven’t even scratched the surface here about golf, tennis, lacrosse... fishing... Nascar....

A lot of people I know would call that last paragraph heresy and question my standing as an American for feeling the way I do. Don’t get me wrong -- I’m not saying any of this to be critical of sports, or sports fans. Sports can be great entertainment. Athletes working at a professional level have some truly impressive physical abilities that can be fun to see on display. A team that works together well is inspiring to watch. And for someone who’s a fan of a particular team, they can be exciting to follow. I can get caught up in post-season media saturation for just about any local team; it’s like skipping ahead to the end of reading a thriller without having to wade through all of the back story that led up to it. I always get caught up in the Olympics. And I totally get the passion that goes into someone cheering for a team that represents their school, or supporting their friends or family who are competing. And sports can be great fun to play, as long as there isn’t anyone involved who becomes obnoxiously over-competitive and you don’t wind up with some injury that requires three weeks in a knee brace simply because you fall in the wrong direction.

Let’s face it -- professional sports should not be life or death for anyone except the people who depend on them to make a living and hopefully don’t end their careers with debilitating injuries. I don’t have the same brain chemistry as people who think it’s a good idea to paint their entire upper body to psyche themselves up for a game they’ll only be passively watching at Buffalo Wild Wings. Whenever groups of people start getting into prolonged discussions about the sports topics of the moment, I’ll stand there and nod like I care and quietly wait for the conversation to shift away from what would be the lowest common denominator of conversation if the weather didn’t constantly change. And if you’re one of these people who gets upset over the hundreds or thousands of dollars you risk in playing fantasy football? Chances are you knew it wasn’t one of the more sound investments choices out there. So deal with it, chump. Lot of people out there do it for free, just for the thrill of being able to claim dominance over their circle of high school buddies.

In the end, professional sports are nothing but another form of entertainment, just like movies, books, music, or theater. And following that idea, professional sports teams are, above everything else, business organizations. One of my favorite Jerry Seinfeld jokes is about how hard it is to justify the loyalty people show professional sports teams, since in the end “you’re actually rooting for the clothes.” Few organizations illustrate this better than the Minnesota Vikings. Some examples:

Brett Favre: Here you have a guy who Vikings fans hated to their very core of their collective self, but then was treated like a messiah when came to play on the other side of the St. Croix. (I know I’m overlooking his stint with the Jets; he’d probably like to overlook it as well.) There were people following him from the airport, lining the streets and waving, ready to throw palm fronds at his feet as he made his way to Winter Park. Local TV interrupted programming to show him getting a ride from the airport. He sure seemed to enjoy being the prettiest princess at the ball for that first season, but things changed drastically when he eventually returned. He needed team members to deliver him both candy and flowers before he decided to play again, and then as the season unfolded and he was revealed to be an actual fallible human being, the fan support evaporated. My take? He never should have played here. Granted, it was exciting to watch him play in that first season, but even while I was enjoying that I felt all he was doing was damaging any idea of legacy he may have hoped to have.

Donavan McNabb: The new quarterback, a veteran player brought in to mentor the draft pick. I have nothing for or against him at this point. But this guy is indicative of how there are about thirty or so big-name NFL players who rotate through so many teams during a career it’s hard to associate them with any team other than the one currently paying them. News broke yesterday that Payton Manning was paid an unholy amount of money to stay with Indianapolis. I actually get that. He’s become so identified with the team it would be a huge blow to lose him. Joe Mauer was in the same situation with the Twins not long ago. No human on Earth does a job so well they should make that much money for it, but in the ridiculously inflated marketplace of professional sports, signing a local hero to a career contract like that makes sense to keep the fans buying their tickets, jerseys, caps, hot dogs, bobbleheads....

Sidney Rice: This guy had a great season a couple years back, then the too predictable injuries came along. This year he went somewhere else when they offered him a more appealing professional situation than he thought he’d have here. Can’t blame the guy, and he seemed like a nice guy from the little I saw during interviews so I wish him well. But there are Vikings fans who see this as an outright betrayal. My head spins.

Randy Moss: Gifted athlete? Without question. He could not be more self-involved or attention-loving if he was Bret Michaels. He comes back to the Vikings for, what was it? One game last year? If the people of Minnesota had been as fired up and opinionated about the state budget as they had been about Randy Moss returning to the Vikings, a government shutdown never would have been allowed to happen. Such are the priorities that fuel our society.

Greg Camarillo: I hadn’t heard of him before he was traded to the Vikings. He doesn’t seem to be a big showboating superstar, but a pretty reliable, get-the-job-done kind of guy. I like him as a player for these reasons, much the same way I was a fan of Chester Taylor before he was traded away. But will I follow Camarillo’s career if he gets sent to another team, which is always possible because he’s not one of the superstars?

No. Because he’ll be wearing different clothes.