Overthinking 2011

Anyone who knows me, who really, truly knows me, is familiar with my nearly obsessive manner of over-thinking things. Here's an example.

I get an e-mail coupon from Borders this morning, pointing out all of their great post-holiday deals. For the most part I don't care much, but I notice that all of their calendars are on sale for 50% off. Which is great, because I don't have one yet! Not that I desperately need a calendar since I have at least two at school and at least three electronic ones at my disposal, but I have a place on the wall in my kitchen that has kind of become The Calendar Hanging Place, and it needs to be filled.

Then it gets tricky. The calendar you pick becomes a temporary part of your design; something that you've chosen to decorate the home for a specific amount of time, but also something that represents a more recent choice than most of the other things you have up on the walls. So the question emerges: Which calendar will best represent my aesthetic sensibilities for the coming year? Normally, not a big deal. But if you wait until the last minute to make this decision like yours truly, then your options become pretty limited. Because all of the good calendars are gone. And this inner dialogue comes to life:

"There sure are a lot of dog calendars. Well, I've gone that route before, and it's all just a bit too precious. I don't need to show people what kind of dog I have when he's already lying there on the floor."

"Comic strips? Well... I am a grown-up here... maybe not...."

"TV shows... in my kitchen? Nah. Wait - are you kidding me? The cast of The Jersey Shore actually has a calendar? Should I be surprised there are more of these still on the shelf than any of these other left overs?"

"Movies? Was there a movie out this year that (a) I cared about enough to want a calendar for that (b) had a big enough spot in popular culture to earn a calendar? Not so much. Wow - Tron, already? That's like two weeks old. Yes, Olivia Wilde was lookin' good in Tron, but... no. And wouldn't I have to live through at least four months of light cycles as well? No no no no no. Even I'm not that big of a nerd."

"Which leads us to Sports Illustrated cover girls. Since dorm rooms are the only socially acceptable place for these, I'll leave them for the college boys to pick over."

"Sports. The little caring I do about any local sports team only happens during their seasons, so there's just no point. I'll leave those for the tailgating face-painters or lifelong fans."

"Art? Watercolor flowers? That could not be more emasculating if it came with a complimentary purse."

"Fantasy? Yikes. No battle axes, wizards, or unicorns allowed."

"Space? Hubble Telescope images? Maybe at school. I don't want to be needlessly or even subconsciously reminded about school while I'm eating."

"Castles? Lighthouses? Cities from 'Round the World? That would be fairly harmless and neutral, I guess. WAIT! THERE IT IS! Neutral! That's what I'm going for! Now I have some direction."

So what did I wind up with? "Wild and Scenic Minnesota." Snow, lakes, birch trees, wildflowers, waterfalls. And a place to hang the little stickers I get to remind me when my dental appointments are, which is all I was looking for in the first place.

If you stop by my home this year, be sure to take in the view.