Today I had yet another opportunity to chaperone some kids from school at the Young Authors Conference. It’s one of the best field trips imaginable for someone like me, a teacher who gets to spend the day with a small group of highly motivated students while we listen to authors talk about writing. Every year I’ve gone it’s been a great time, but today might have been my favorite visit there. You know how sometimes you go into an event, like a big day or a big weekend or a vacation or whatever, and you have a checklist of things that you hope will happen? Today I was able to check off my whole list.
First of all, the mechanics of the day went off with only the smallest of hitches. We had one student show up to school late and miss the field trip bus, but luckily the college where the conference is held isn’t far from our school, so one of her parents was able to drop her off. Later we had another student mix up the order of what time to eat lunch and when to shop at the book fair, but we all eventually found each other and everything was good. As far as field trips go, you really can’t ask for them to go any more smoothly.
When we arrived we found seats in the great hall and settled in to wait for the keynote speaker. I put a photo on Instagram while waiting, and Abby Cooper, an author I know who was presenting that day, commented on the photo asking if I was coming to her session. I replied I was planning to, and told her how our school had only been allotted one ticket to any of her sessions. Since I had three students who had read her book this year, I asked if we could visit quickly during our shared lunch so they could meet her. She said yes, and the first item on my checklist was marked. As we all dispersed to find our first sessions, I passed by the room where author David LaRochelle would be presenting. Once upon a time, a few years before I was there, David had been a teacher at the same school where I teach now, so we’ve known each other for many years. I had a moment to say a quick hello to him, and checked off a second box.
The students are assigned tickets to attend presentations during the day. Being a chaperone, I got to crash the ones I wanted to. Of course I stood in the back of the room or the doorway to make sure all the kids had places to sit before claiming a chair, but I did get to sit down for the last session, which was the only time my feet really needed a break so that worked out too. Presenter #1 was author Jacqueline West, talking about how to construct characters. I was very much looking forward to seeing her since I had finished her first book, and had started it before I even knew she would be there presenting. It was a singular experience to hear an author talking about and reading passages from a book I had only finished reading myself days earlier. It also gave me some good context for some of the points she was making. After the session I had a chance to speak with her, letting her know how much I enjoyed the book and her writing, and telling her how I was suggesting it to my agent as a possible comp title for the manuscript I’ll be writing this summer. Another box checked off. The book of hers I read was the first one in a series, and as I had suspected they would be, the others in the series were available at the book fair. I scooped up all four and added them to my haul. Still another box checked off.
Presenter #2 was Abby. She’s a very animated and engaging speaker, and kids really respond to her. I got to talk to her some more, see her present a second year in a row (and take a few more writing notes about working with settings on my phone), and know that the student who had been reading Abby's book throughout May and gave me daily updates each morning also got to see her. Another checkmark right there.
Session #3 was author Kelly Barnhill. Actually it would probably be more appropriate for me to introduce her as 2017 NEWBERY MEDAL WINNER Kelly Barnhill, for crying out loud. If you aren’t familiar, think of the Newbery as being like the “Best Picture” winner at the Oscars, but for children’s literature. It’s not a big deal; it’s a huge deal. Just having some time in the same room with her would have been awesome on its own, but I also got to listen to her talk about writing fantasy — and it could be said that my next manuscript has a fair-sized fantasy element to it. More notes taken, and another check box completed.
After that, there wasn’t anything left to the day but rounding up the kids, finding our bus, and heading back to school. All in all it was a very good day. However, I still haven’t told you about one of my favorite moments.
It happened during lunch. While I was eating my preservative-rich Subway cold cut combo (a field trip staple for me, because I don’t see how it could possibly go bad in four hours), I was scanning over the other schools at the lunch crowd, looking for one from our district in particular. I walked around looking at name tags with no luck, so I started asking other teachers from buildings in our district if they knew where the kids from that other school were sitting. Eventually I found my way there. I went up to one of their chaperones and asked, “Do you happen to have a student named Emily with your group?” (Emily — not her real name.) The teacher said yes, and pointed her out to me.
Now, let’s step back to much earlier in the school year, during all the dark and cold and stupid of the winter months. A friend of mine who teaches Talent Development at both my school and at Emily’s, sent me an email telling me about one of her students who was such a voracious reader she was literally running out of books to read. She asked if it was possible for this girl to read one of my manuscripts; clearly since they are still as of today unpublished, there’s no way she would know about them. I told her sure, and said I even had a hard copy of “Following Infinity” in my classroom closet. I passed it on the next time I saw her.
It didn’t take long for this girl to finish it, and when she did the review I heard back from her TD teacher was glowing. Soon after she wrote me a letter telling me how much she loved it. For the rest of the school year after this, I passed on some other book recommendations for her, including sharing some actual books to read that were all new enough that it was likely she wasn’t familiar with them, including Abby Cooper’s debut from last year, “Sticks and Stones.”
This past Tuesday I thought to ask Emily’s TD teacher if Emily would be going to the Young Authors Conference. She wasn’t sure, but she thought she probably was. When I arrived at the conference and saw her school and mine had lunch at the same time, I figured it was worth looking around to see if she was there.
And like I’ve already described, she was. I saw her eating her lunch in a little patch of sunlight and walked over.
“Hi, Emily,” I said, smiling.
She smiled back politely. “Hi!” I knelt in the grass beside her. Before I had a chance to say anything else, she looked at my name tag and her eyes opened wide when she recognized my name. I gave her a friendly teacher smile once it was clear she knew who I was.
“I’d heard you might be here today!” I said. “I’m glad I found you. What was your first session?”
She was literally flustered into being speechless, just smiling and repeatedly tucking her hair behind her ear. I think for a moment she had actually forgotten what session she had just spent an hour at.
“I loved your book so much!” she finally said. “It was so great!”
I smiled and thanked her, then we took a quick picture to let her TD teacher know we had met up that day.
Later, while I was waiting in the book fair line, I thought back to that introduction and realized that little girl was probably my Number One fan, in two ways. First, she's probably my biggest fan, which I’ll define by her being someone who knows of me exclusively through my writing, and likes the writing for the writing itself. Friends and family and students can all read my work and enjoy it, but they will always have the context of a previous relationship with me that will, in some way, have a degree of influence on what they think of what I’ve written. She had no perspective like that. All she had was the story and the writing.
And because of that, I think it’s probably also accurate to call her my very first fan, which felt kind of cool to realize. Most people at that conference saw presentations from or had encounters with three different authors during the day. Emily had four. From her reaction, it might have even been a bigger deal for her than it was for me, and it was a very cool moment for me. A big box on the checklist marked off.
So now I’m home after having a wonderful day, and it’s May 31. A little over a month ago I was on the phone with my agent Carrie (can I stop referring to her like that, and just call her Carrie? I think anyone who reads this blog with even semi-frequency knows who she is by now.) I was telling her about the new book I wanted to start writing this summer. We talked about the idea and where I wanted to go with it. Her advice at the time had been to focus more on just reading during May, and try to come up with some recently published books that would be good comparisons. We then agreed on a word count goal and a deadline for a check-in so she could see my progress.
May ends tonight. June starts tomorrow. I have a long note on my phone with all kinds of new ideas about building characters, using settings, and developing fantasy after my time at the conference today.
I’m very excited about getting back to actually drafting the story again tomorrow. It will feel good to get back into a writing habit away from the blog.
However, I have at least one other reason for getting back to work now: There’s a little girl out there in the world who is very anxious to find out what I’m going to write next.
Wednesday, May 31, 2017
Tuesday, May 30, 2017
How to Run a Dunk Tank
After several years of being in charge of the dunk tank on Track and Field Day, I feel I’ve developed enough expertise to pass on some advice about the best way to keep this event running successfully and efficiently. Since Track and Field Day is coming up at the end of this week, it seems like a good time to share some tips.
*Safety first is key. Keep the kids away from the tank so they don’t get pegged by an over-enthusiastic thrower, because there are going to be a good number of those. Also accept that there’s no way the kids will stay out of the mud, or try baiting the dunkee into splashing them, especially if it’s a warm day. Just herd them out of the line of fire.
*Have all the softballs. The more softballs you have in the bucket, the faster things will move. Also have a volunteer who is in shape, and preferably has been training for this day with months of shuttle run practice. They’re going to have a lot of back and forth running and reaching down as a part of their day.
*Protect the mechanics of it all. Always double check to make sure the seat is in a locked position before the dunkee climbs back up, and in the case that a kid has earned any right to hit the target with their hand, make sure they understand they only have to lightly push it instead of try to shove it into an alternate universe.
*Use warm water, so the dunkees won’t have to spend more time than necessary shivering and shaking. In fact, they’ll begin to look forward to their next splashdown after cooling off as they’re perched up on the stool.
*Be sure to get before, during, and after photos to share with the dunkees, or to use for future blackmailing opportunities. Just make sure if you post any of these photos online you let those people tag themselves if they want. They were the ones who made the sacrifice, so they deserve the choice of whether or not their entire social network sees them in one of their less-than-finer moments.
*Accept that even if you are fortunate enough to avoid a turn on the dunking stool yourself, you’ll still get plenty wet by the end of the day. Most of this comes from several dozen collateral splashes, but a lot of it will also come from some of the dunkees climbing down after their turn and immediately wrapping you up in a nice damp embrace. When this happens, and it probably will, it’s best to just smile and play along. After all, at least you weren’t submerged.
*Pick a kid wearing something very memorable and distinct, preferably in very bright colors, to have the first turn. That way you’ll be able to track when the line is almost at an end.
*Have a good team of people who realize the importance of keeping the line constantly moving forward. You will be chasing the clock all day long.
*There will inevitably be some obnoxious kid who misses the target but still feels entitled to charge it and send the dunkee underwater, unearned. This kid absolutely deserves to be kicked out of school for the rest of the academic year and probably the next one as well, and maybe never gets to eat cookies and ice cream again. However, the only thing you can do is to pay close attention and try to head them off at the pass so they don’t waste everyone else’s time.
*Dress for the experience. Wear clothing that will air-dry relatively quickly. Have copious amounts of sunblock available, because you’ll be reapplying it throughout the day. Above all, wear old shoes, the kind that you won’t care if you ever wear again after the end of the day.
*Never neglect to pay attention to what the thrower is doing. I’ve had a few softballs whiz by inches from my head over the years, and I’m hoping to avoid any of them ever connecting. That kid trying to hit the target is so focused on the possibility of a dunk that they could not care less if anyone is walking between them and the target. Constant vigilance!
*Lastly, don’t forget to have as much fun as you can. Because you are going to be dead tired from the moment you get home that night, and it’s probably going to last the entire weekend.
*Safety first is key. Keep the kids away from the tank so they don’t get pegged by an over-enthusiastic thrower, because there are going to be a good number of those. Also accept that there’s no way the kids will stay out of the mud, or try baiting the dunkee into splashing them, especially if it’s a warm day. Just herd them out of the line of fire.
*Have all the softballs. The more softballs you have in the bucket, the faster things will move. Also have a volunteer who is in shape, and preferably has been training for this day with months of shuttle run practice. They’re going to have a lot of back and forth running and reaching down as a part of their day.
*Protect the mechanics of it all. Always double check to make sure the seat is in a locked position before the dunkee climbs back up, and in the case that a kid has earned any right to hit the target with their hand, make sure they understand they only have to lightly push it instead of try to shove it into an alternate universe.
*Use warm water, so the dunkees won’t have to spend more time than necessary shivering and shaking. In fact, they’ll begin to look forward to their next splashdown after cooling off as they’re perched up on the stool.
*Be sure to get before, during, and after photos to share with the dunkees, or to use for future blackmailing opportunities. Just make sure if you post any of these photos online you let those people tag themselves if they want. They were the ones who made the sacrifice, so they deserve the choice of whether or not their entire social network sees them in one of their less-than-finer moments.
*Accept that even if you are fortunate enough to avoid a turn on the dunking stool yourself, you’ll still get plenty wet by the end of the day. Most of this comes from several dozen collateral splashes, but a lot of it will also come from some of the dunkees climbing down after their turn and immediately wrapping you up in a nice damp embrace. When this happens, and it probably will, it’s best to just smile and play along. After all, at least you weren’t submerged.
*Pick a kid wearing something very memorable and distinct, preferably in very bright colors, to have the first turn. That way you’ll be able to track when the line is almost at an end.
*Have a good team of people who realize the importance of keeping the line constantly moving forward. You will be chasing the clock all day long.
*There will inevitably be some obnoxious kid who misses the target but still feels entitled to charge it and send the dunkee underwater, unearned. This kid absolutely deserves to be kicked out of school for the rest of the academic year and probably the next one as well, and maybe never gets to eat cookies and ice cream again. However, the only thing you can do is to pay close attention and try to head them off at the pass so they don’t waste everyone else’s time.
*Dress for the experience. Wear clothing that will air-dry relatively quickly. Have copious amounts of sunblock available, because you’ll be reapplying it throughout the day. Above all, wear old shoes, the kind that you won’t care if you ever wear again after the end of the day.
*Never neglect to pay attention to what the thrower is doing. I’ve had a few softballs whiz by inches from my head over the years, and I’m hoping to avoid any of them ever connecting. That kid trying to hit the target is so focused on the possibility of a dunk that they could not care less if anyone is walking between them and the target. Constant vigilance!
*Lastly, don’t forget to have as much fun as you can. Because you are going to be dead tired from the moment you get home that night, and it’s probably going to last the entire weekend.
Monday, May 29, 2017
Cheer For the Minnesota Twins Today
I am totally neutral about baseball. I honestly don’t think I could name more than five players on the current Minnesota Twins roster.
It’s not like I have no understanding of why people enjoy it. I followed the Twins back in 1987 and 1991, the two years they were in, and won, the World Series. I was even at Game 6 in 1987 when Kent Hrbek hit his monstrous grand slam. Sometime between now and then though, my interest faded away. Maybe if I knew who the current players are and was halfway familiar with the ups and downs of the season, I’d care.
To celebrate Memorial Day this year, I decided to take part in that very American activity of watching a baseball game. I’ll be doing it from the comfort of my recliner instead of at the stadium, but I’ll watch the whole thing. I’ll even wear my token Twins hat, and take a nap before the game starts to try and keep the recliner from getting the best of me. Maybe today’s game will be so dramatic and exciting it will be the tipping point that reignites my interest. Isn’t that supposed to be the thing about baseball? You never know what’s going to happen….
*The announcers are telling me that yesterday’s game was unusually long, something like 15 innings and over six hours. That sounds like Purgatory to me.
*I suspect I'm going to see more commercials for pick-up trucks than I will for prescription medication this afternoon.
*Hey what do you know, the Twins are in first place! Woo hoo! I suppose I would have known this if I didn't turn off the news after the weather forecast and looked at the sports section of the newspaper ever.
*The game starts. Ervin Santana is pitching? I think I've heard of him. Apparently he's really good.
*The people in the stands, even behind home plate, all seem really calm. It occurs to me that baseball fans are more like tennis fans than football fans, sitting politely as the game goes on, engaged in their conversations since there is a fair amount of downtime during a game, then paying attention in short bursts of half-excitement and getting really worked up when something that affects the outcome of the game happens.
*Okay. First Twins batter is Brian Dozier. I've heard of him. I also recognize Joe Mauer, Eddie Rosario, and Byron Buxton. It's possible I even spelled all of their names correctly. I think I said I probably knew about five players, so if you count Ervin Santana, there they are. And it took me about as long to write that as it took for the first three batters to get out. Baseball fans: Am I imagining this, or do the first two innings always seem to go faster than the others?
*It seems like the atmosphere crafted here is meant to be low-key entertainment. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the game everyone! Have a snack! All of the commercials are about the simple pleasures of the good life: dreaming about buying a new truck, hanging out at the lake, having a cell phone that doesn't cost a ton of money. Hey kids, who wants some Dairy Queen? The whole tone seems more about the long season then something you need to focus on at every moment. 162 games? A season stretching from Early April to late October? Things happen very gradually. Plus they use organ music to fire up the crowd instead of "Crazy Train" or "Thunderstruck."
*Dick Bremer just announced he’s more interested in professional baseball in general this year because the Twins are doing well. I think this gives me some excuse for not following them over the past 26 years.
*Top of the 4th and the Astros score. A home run, followed by two guys in the outfield getting mixed up and letting a guy make it to third. Then the guy runs it in on a wild pitch. Houston up 2-0. That's enough in baseball for the game to be over. Of course, it could only take two Twins batters to turn things around and even it out. Maybe that's another part of the appeal: You’re lulled into complacency by the strike outs and the pop flys and the walks, and then HOLY COW something happens out of nowhere.
*Joe Mauer gets on first. Is he the first Twin to get on base? He might be.
*I have to say, I like seeing it when the camera shows guys from opposite teams just chatting and joking while they're waiting for the pitch. I mean, I can’t hear what they’re saying or read their lips so these guys could be fearsome competitors who are absolutely cussing each other out through their smiles, but it just doesn't seem like it. Everything else going on here is so chill, why not expect the players to be fairly decent to each other while being professionals at the same time?
*The commentators are talking about the weather now. Isn't that what you fall back on when you have nothing else to say? That's how chill all of this is. How can this be the same game that so many parents get absolutely fire-breathing insane about when their kids are playing it?
*Has any pitcher in the history of baseball ever gotten someone out when they throw to first to keep the runner from leading off too far?
*They just brought up some quick animation to show how accurate Santana's pitches are, and I involuntarily had the song "Strike Zone" by Loverboy pop into my head.
*All right! One of the guys I've never heard of just got an RBI triple. No outs. Maybe this is where things are going to turn around.
*Or not. Next guy grounded out. He took off his helmet on the way back to the dugout to reveal a haircut almost exactly like one of the boys in my class. It makes me wonder: Do kids copy their hair styles from pro athletes, or is it the other way around?
*Wild pitch! The guy on third steals home! 2-2 with a runner on 2nd and two outs. Brian Dozier puts it just past second base and another run comes in! Then Robbie Grossman comes up. I know this guy's name is Robbie Grossman now because his at-bat took about twenty-five minutes, which was long enough to get me wondering, "How many adults who aren't professional baseball players would ever go by 'Robbie?'" He gets to a full count then hits a double, which is enough to get Brian Dozier home. 4-2 Twins....no, wait, Joe Mauer gets a hit and sends Robbie Grossman home. I stand corrected. 5-2 Twins. Then here comes Miguel Sano. Home run. He brings Joe Mauer home and we're at 7-2.
*Now they're back in the field, and in no time there are two outs. But then they stay at two outs until the bases are loaded, and then...Holy downpour, Batman! This is an indoor recess amount of rain. It lasts literally minutes, and then the sun comes out in full force. Finally the 3rd out. Do the fifth and sixth innings always take this long?
*Seventh inning. After two long innings, I'm not feeling any momentum anymore. I just glanced at the coffee table and saw the book I started reading a couple days ago. It was tempting to pick it up and just leave the game on in the background.
*Now it's the top of the 8th, and finally something happens, bumping the score up to 8-5. Wait, what? 8? Hmm. Guess I rested my eyes for a moment there. I'm seeing rain ponchos come back out, and I swear I just heard thunder in the background. Here comes the tarp, which will be out just long enough to get wet before they'll have to roll it back up. The camera crew is showing the guy from the Astros who was up to bat throwing a tantrum about the rain delay. Dude, seriously. You've got a lot of games left to play this season. You need to grab the reins and get over your superhero self.
*The game is back on. The camera just caught Paul Molitor blowing two bubble gum bubbles at once. If that was intentional, I'd be impressed.
*Another Astros hit. The ball drops down just out of Eddie Rosario's reach, even though he slid on the wet grass to get there. 9-8 Astros.
*It’s still the top of the 8th. Bert Blyleven just said this feels like the inning that wouldn't end. The score is 13-8 with two outs and almost three and a half hours of my life invested in this.
*I think I've pieced together why I'm not much of a baseball fan. I've been mentally done with this game for awhile now, but I can't bring myself to stop watching out the same feeling of obligation I have that keeps me from just giving up on a book I’m not really enjoying. (The only time I’ve ever done that was for Tom Clancy’s “Clear and Present Danger.”) l feel as if the past four hours would be wasted if I just changed the channel to see what else might be on. The relaxing tone that seemed so appealing earlier in the game is the same thing that makes it easy for me to not really care anymore.
*It’s now 16-8 in the bottom of the ninth, after the Astros brought in FOURTEEN unanswered runs. I’m kind of hoping the next few Twins hitters are all thinking it might be better to just pretend to try and save their energy for the next game in the series tomorrow night. Two outs. The count is 2-1. They just showed how few fans are still in the stands, and the place looks even more empty than it did during the pre-game show. One more strike, and there it is. Whew.
*I think if there was some way to guarantee that a baseball game was going to be over in two and a half hours at the most, I’d probably find them more interesting. But four hours? That’s a long time to do anything, much less passively watch something you’re only a little invested in.
Perhaps the biggest irony of this game is that I looked on Facebook about an hour ago and saw photos posted from Target Field that showed my sister, my brother-in-law, and my parents all actually there at this game I’ve been watching.
Clearly whenever they made plans to go, they knew better than to ask if I wanted to come along. I know there will be many games played this summer that will be much more fun to watch than this one was, but I can't help feeling I dodged a tiny bullet by watching from my soft and warm recliner instead of from beneath a cheap plastic rain poncho.
It’s not like I have no understanding of why people enjoy it. I followed the Twins back in 1987 and 1991, the two years they were in, and won, the World Series. I was even at Game 6 in 1987 when Kent Hrbek hit his monstrous grand slam. Sometime between now and then though, my interest faded away. Maybe if I knew who the current players are and was halfway familiar with the ups and downs of the season, I’d care.
To celebrate Memorial Day this year, I decided to take part in that very American activity of watching a baseball game. I’ll be doing it from the comfort of my recliner instead of at the stadium, but I’ll watch the whole thing. I’ll even wear my token Twins hat, and take a nap before the game starts to try and keep the recliner from getting the best of me. Maybe today’s game will be so dramatic and exciting it will be the tipping point that reignites my interest. Isn’t that supposed to be the thing about baseball? You never know what’s going to happen….
*The announcers are telling me that yesterday’s game was unusually long, something like 15 innings and over six hours. That sounds like Purgatory to me.
*I suspect I'm going to see more commercials for pick-up trucks than I will for prescription medication this afternoon.
*Hey what do you know, the Twins are in first place! Woo hoo! I suppose I would have known this if I didn't turn off the news after the weather forecast and looked at the sports section of the newspaper ever.
*The game starts. Ervin Santana is pitching? I think I've heard of him. Apparently he's really good.
*The people in the stands, even behind home plate, all seem really calm. It occurs to me that baseball fans are more like tennis fans than football fans, sitting politely as the game goes on, engaged in their conversations since there is a fair amount of downtime during a game, then paying attention in short bursts of half-excitement and getting really worked up when something that affects the outcome of the game happens.
*Okay. First Twins batter is Brian Dozier. I've heard of him. I also recognize Joe Mauer, Eddie Rosario, and Byron Buxton. It's possible I even spelled all of their names correctly. I think I said I probably knew about five players, so if you count Ervin Santana, there they are. And it took me about as long to write that as it took for the first three batters to get out. Baseball fans: Am I imagining this, or do the first two innings always seem to go faster than the others?
*It seems like the atmosphere crafted here is meant to be low-key entertainment. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the game everyone! Have a snack! All of the commercials are about the simple pleasures of the good life: dreaming about buying a new truck, hanging out at the lake, having a cell phone that doesn't cost a ton of money. Hey kids, who wants some Dairy Queen? The whole tone seems more about the long season then something you need to focus on at every moment. 162 games? A season stretching from Early April to late October? Things happen very gradually. Plus they use organ music to fire up the crowd instead of "Crazy Train" or "Thunderstruck."
*Dick Bremer just announced he’s more interested in professional baseball in general this year because the Twins are doing well. I think this gives me some excuse for not following them over the past 26 years.
*Top of the 4th and the Astros score. A home run, followed by two guys in the outfield getting mixed up and letting a guy make it to third. Then the guy runs it in on a wild pitch. Houston up 2-0. That's enough in baseball for the game to be over. Of course, it could only take two Twins batters to turn things around and even it out. Maybe that's another part of the appeal: You’re lulled into complacency by the strike outs and the pop flys and the walks, and then HOLY COW something happens out of nowhere.
*Joe Mauer gets on first. Is he the first Twin to get on base? He might be.
*I have to say, I like seeing it when the camera shows guys from opposite teams just chatting and joking while they're waiting for the pitch. I mean, I can’t hear what they’re saying or read their lips so these guys could be fearsome competitors who are absolutely cussing each other out through their smiles, but it just doesn't seem like it. Everything else going on here is so chill, why not expect the players to be fairly decent to each other while being professionals at the same time?
*The commentators are talking about the weather now. Isn't that what you fall back on when you have nothing else to say? That's how chill all of this is. How can this be the same game that so many parents get absolutely fire-breathing insane about when their kids are playing it?
*Has any pitcher in the history of baseball ever gotten someone out when they throw to first to keep the runner from leading off too far?
*They just brought up some quick animation to show how accurate Santana's pitches are, and I involuntarily had the song "Strike Zone" by Loverboy pop into my head.
*All right! One of the guys I've never heard of just got an RBI triple. No outs. Maybe this is where things are going to turn around.
*Or not. Next guy grounded out. He took off his helmet on the way back to the dugout to reveal a haircut almost exactly like one of the boys in my class. It makes me wonder: Do kids copy their hair styles from pro athletes, or is it the other way around?
*Wild pitch! The guy on third steals home! 2-2 with a runner on 2nd and two outs. Brian Dozier puts it just past second base and another run comes in! Then Robbie Grossman comes up. I know this guy's name is Robbie Grossman now because his at-bat took about twenty-five minutes, which was long enough to get me wondering, "How many adults who aren't professional baseball players would ever go by 'Robbie?'" He gets to a full count then hits a double, which is enough to get Brian Dozier home. 4-2 Twins....no, wait, Joe Mauer gets a hit and sends Robbie Grossman home. I stand corrected. 5-2 Twins. Then here comes Miguel Sano. Home run. He brings Joe Mauer home and we're at 7-2.
*Now they're back in the field, and in no time there are two outs. But then they stay at two outs until the bases are loaded, and then...Holy downpour, Batman! This is an indoor recess amount of rain. It lasts literally minutes, and then the sun comes out in full force. Finally the 3rd out. Do the fifth and sixth innings always take this long?
*Seventh inning. After two long innings, I'm not feeling any momentum anymore. I just glanced at the coffee table and saw the book I started reading a couple days ago. It was tempting to pick it up and just leave the game on in the background.
*Now it's the top of the 8th, and finally something happens, bumping the score up to 8-5. Wait, what? 8? Hmm. Guess I rested my eyes for a moment there. I'm seeing rain ponchos come back out, and I swear I just heard thunder in the background. Here comes the tarp, which will be out just long enough to get wet before they'll have to roll it back up. The camera crew is showing the guy from the Astros who was up to bat throwing a tantrum about the rain delay. Dude, seriously. You've got a lot of games left to play this season. You need to grab the reins and get over your superhero self.
*The game is back on. The camera just caught Paul Molitor blowing two bubble gum bubbles at once. If that was intentional, I'd be impressed.
*Another Astros hit. The ball drops down just out of Eddie Rosario's reach, even though he slid on the wet grass to get there. 9-8 Astros.
*It’s still the top of the 8th. Bert Blyleven just said this feels like the inning that wouldn't end. The score is 13-8 with two outs and almost three and a half hours of my life invested in this.
*I think I've pieced together why I'm not much of a baseball fan. I've been mentally done with this game for awhile now, but I can't bring myself to stop watching out the same feeling of obligation I have that keeps me from just giving up on a book I’m not really enjoying. (The only time I’ve ever done that was for Tom Clancy’s “Clear and Present Danger.”) l feel as if the past four hours would be wasted if I just changed the channel to see what else might be on. The relaxing tone that seemed so appealing earlier in the game is the same thing that makes it easy for me to not really care anymore.
*It’s now 16-8 in the bottom of the ninth, after the Astros brought in FOURTEEN unanswered runs. I’m kind of hoping the next few Twins hitters are all thinking it might be better to just pretend to try and save their energy for the next game in the series tomorrow night. Two outs. The count is 2-1. They just showed how few fans are still in the stands, and the place looks even more empty than it did during the pre-game show. One more strike, and there it is. Whew.
*I think if there was some way to guarantee that a baseball game was going to be over in two and a half hours at the most, I’d probably find them more interesting. But four hours? That’s a long time to do anything, much less passively watch something you’re only a little invested in.
Perhaps the biggest irony of this game is that I looked on Facebook about an hour ago and saw photos posted from Target Field that showed my sister, my brother-in-law, and my parents all actually there at this game I’ve been watching.
Clearly whenever they made plans to go, they knew better than to ask if I wanted to come along. I know there will be many games played this summer that will be much more fun to watch than this one was, but I can't help feeling I dodged a tiny bullet by watching from my soft and warm recliner instead of from beneath a cheap plastic rain poncho.
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