Lessons from 2016

Generally, I’m a pretty reflective guy. This usually means I spend some time in the final days of each year looking back at what happened and what I’ve done, and seeing if there’s anything I can learn that might help me with the year to come. I’ve discovered one good way to do this is to review my Facebook posts, looking for patterns and seeing if anything noteworthy stands out. Here are a few of the things I’ve found out after surviving 2016. 

January 3: School starts back up tomorrow. I'm not looking forward to keeping up with my email inbox, or waking up early on cold and dark mornings, or deciphering nonsensical spreadsheets, or attending meetings on mornings when I have other things I need to do, or second-guessing half of the decisions I make, or feeling completely used up at the end of far too many days. But I am looking forward to seeing my students and my friends again.

LESSON: I refuse to fall back on the insufferable and empty educational cliché of “doing it for the kids,” but, in all honesty, the only parts of my job that have any real meaning for me anymore are the parts that directly involve my students. 

January 16: Just want to point out that it's the 16th, the temperature is going to be below zero for the next 70 or so hours, and I haven't complained about it being January even once.

January 17: Maybe I'll just leave it all behind, move to Hawaii, and start a nice little papaya farm.

LESSON: Eventually the worst parts of winter, and January specifically because it’s such an awful creature, are going to get to me.

February 2: Read aloud is one of my favorite parts of the school day. I make it a point to choose books that I'm confident will capture the imagination of my students. I'm lucky to have a class that so readily and completely engages with the books I read to them. Today we finished a childhood favorite of mine, "A Wrinkle in Time," and tomorrow we'll be stepping into new territory as I begin reading one of my own manuscripts in class...for the first time ever. I've always felt to do so would be too self-serving, but the kids want to see if I've got any game after hearing so much about my writer life. So tomorrow while they sit down after Phy. Ed. to eat their snacks, we'll be starting Chapter 1 of the most recent revision of "The Ghost of Lake Emily." I fully expect the whole thing to feel weird.

February 11: Lake Emily read aloud, Day 7: I've basically lost storytelling perspective. If I could get away with it, I'd keep a notepad in my lap to make a list of all the things I discover while I'm reading that I want/need to fix.

LESSON: Even when essentially performing my writing, I can’t separate myself from it enough to appreciate what I’ve accomplished without still finding things that could be better. 

February 21: I'm working on conference notes right now, and I just came up with a line that both makes me proud and a little sick of myself. Instead of calling out a girl for being bossy when working in groups, I said she "frequently tries to assert herself in noncooperative ways.”

February 22: During the drive to school this morning I heard "Back in Black" on the radio. On the way home just now I heard "Hell's Bells." In between I had a 12-hour day that included parent-teacher conferences. If this doesn't all mean something, it feels like it should.

LESSON: Parent conferences, and particularly the extra long days that accompany them, are not my favorite time of the year. However I’ll admit that they’re still more useful and productive than some other parts of my job.

April 11: I wish it was possible for all of the uncertainty and anxiety about the next school year to disappear, and that whatever changes happen would leave people feeling energized and optimistic.

May 20: A field trip to a world-class science museum is a day worth being dead tired at the end of it.

LESSON: In the world of public education, there’s a bad kind of worn out and a great kind of worn out. 

July 10: I just saw 2016 will have a leap second added to it to keep atomic clocks set correctly. Which is great, because if there's ever been a year when everything has gone so well for the world that we'd want it to be longer, it'd be this one.

LESSON: 2016 was barely half over and already it was sticking its neck out to be recognized as a historic crapfest.

September 7: While driving to school the past two mornings, I've approached the intersection where I need to turn and thought, "What if I didn't turn, and just kept going straight east instead, with no destination in mind? Would that be a better decision? What adventures would await?”

LESSON: The road not traveled doesn’t always get to be explored once you’ve committed yourself to a certain path. But that doesn’t mean you can’t wonder about it. Maybe someday it will lead somewhere.

October 21: Here’s a glimpse into how deep the rabbit hole can get while revising a manuscript: "I used this unusually descriptive word on page 52. Can I use it again on page 110, or do I need to find a different one to keep it from standing out and distracting the reader?”

LESSON: Writing, and especially revising, is a lot like trying to complete a jigsaw puzzle with the lights off. 

October 26: I realized today that, in the educational setting, it's much more common to see inspirational quotes from coaches and athletes than from artists. I'm pretty sure I don't agree with the statement that makes about priorities.

LESSON: I’m seriously tired of being immersed in a culture that worships athletes as role models and treats coaches as wise philosophers, when artists are looked upon as divergent freaks who fell back on different interests because they couldn’t throw a ball far or skate fast enough.

November 9: Have you ever wondered what would have happened if Voldemort and the Death Eaters won the Battle of Hogwarts, and the dementors had been turned loose to freely roam the countryside?

LESSON: Okay, look: I didn’t vote for our incoming president. I acknowledge that a lot of people did, either because they thought he would do a great job or was simply the lesser of two available evils. If, four years from now, the state of the union is a thriving utopia, I’ll be the first to happily admit I was wrong to underestimate him and will feel both relief and respect for all he's accomplished. But those of you who voted differently, whatever your reasons might have been, I hope you'll be ready to own that decision if things don't work out.

November 14: Really, Facebook? Are you just putting the question in a blank text box as a prompt for me to share some happy anecdote from my day, or do you really want to know what's on my mind? I'm thinking about how an hour ago I took my students outside for dismissal, and even though he hasn't been at school for over a year I felt absolutely alone because there will never be any kind of circumstance when my friend and his always-present Minnesota Gophers sweatshirt will be out there with me again. And now I'm thinking about how great it will be if I can manage to sleep tonight.

LESSON: I’m tired of death, and the games my accumulating residual grief plays with my state of mind. I’m really tired of it.

November 17: Somehow my glasses managed to slip from my face and land in the sink while I was brushing my teeth. I can only hope this isn't foreshadowing for the rest of my day.

LESSON: This seems more like a fitting analogy for the entire year.

December 3: I did my Christmas decorating today. It took eight minutes.

LESSON: Sometimes it’s best to save yourself the trouble of going through the motions when the only reason you would be doing something is to go through the motions. 

December 21: Tonight will make the 5th viewing of "Love, Actually" in the past two weeks. Clearly something is going on here I haven't figured out yet.

LESSON: Five viewings eventually became seven; when everything around us becomes too much, we all need safe places and happy moments for retreat.

Here’s hoping 2017 will provide us all with a few. 

Surviving 2016: Favorite Songs

It’s fair to say that in most respects 2016 will go down in history as a dumpster fire train wreck of a year. The reasons why have been well-documented, from the cultural dissonance following surreal turns of political events to far too many deaths leaving behind gaping holes in our culture, and, in many cases, our personal lives.

As I get wrapped up in my own reflections about this ridiculous year finally nearing an end, I want to try and look for the bright spots. There sure aren’t many, but maybe highlighting a few will help start the coming year with some degree of optimism. To start off, I’m listing my ten favorite new songs of 2016. These are all songs that, to the best of my knowledge, were first released this year, and for different reasons became important enough to me to leave existential marks.

Usually my top 10 lists include the preface “in no particular order,” but not this time. I think we’re going to have an actual countdown here. I’ll try to spare you from any long-winded descriptions of why these songs made it onto my list. Click on the titles below if you'd like to follow links to these songs, then judge for yourself. 

10) “Helicopters” by Sixx A.M.
This makes the list more for timing than anything else. It’s about losing someone. I came to know it in the days following the death of a longtime friend, while I was trying find my way through the emotional aftermath. Not that I've figured it all out yet, but I'm getting there.

9) “Hard Love” by Needtobreathe
A standout from a new album by one of my favorite discovered bands from the past five or so years. A good summer driving song.

8) “Empty” by Garbage
I’d been waiting for new music from this band for years, and their 2016 release did not disappoint. I’ve realized a lot of songs that I like tend to juxtapose bright pop-rock music with darker lyrics. This is an example of that.

7) “Chosen” by Dream Theater
A power ballad from one of my current favorite musical acts that would have made any band in the 80s or 90s into proud millionaires.

6) “Sleep on the Floor” by The Lumineers
Another type of favorite song I have is one with great storytelling in the lyrics, like this.

5) “Forever Now” by Green Day
Their new album, Revolution Radio, was one of the strongest of the year. This one, coming in at just under seven minutes and broken into shorter movements, was a solid way to close off both the album and this crap year.

4) “Our New World” by Dream Theater
The only unabashedly optimistic song on this list. The album it comes from was a rock opera, and this song comes in at the end of the story after the conflict has been resolved and the characters have reasons to look forward to the future. I certainly feel some of that same anticipation, but after this past year I wish I could feel more.

3) “So We Can Stay Alive” by Garbage
A hard rock song with a thick electronic pulse and easily the greatest bass guitar solo of the year.

2) “It’s Just Us Now” by Sleigh Bells
By far the most polarizing song on this list. I would expect when people hear it for the first time they’d be able to decide by the end of the first minute if they love or hate it. I think it’s one of the coolest things I’ve heard in years.

1) “Bored to Death” by Blink-182
It’s unusual for me to connect with a radio hit, but this one really did the trick. Again, bright pop-rock with darker lyrics, but engaging harmony, a heroic sing-along bridge, and great playing. This deserved to be the hit it was. It resonated with me so much that when I found the title being used as graffiti, I had to snap a photo.

If that doesn’t appropriately cap off 2016, I don’t know what can.

Just December

I think I’ll be taking a pass on the Christmas season this year. 

Notice I didn’t say I’d be taking a pass on Christmas. I’ll still go to church. I’ll still buy presents for my family and a few select close friends. I’ll still send out a handful of cards, even though that tradition has gradually gotten away from me over the past decade or so. 

I’m not entirely sure why I’m so disinterested this year in particular. Granted, this past autumn has not been the happiest of times for me, which is to say nothing of how goodwill in general has been in short supply during such a culturally divisive time. I’ve gotten through worse times before though, and survived them without intentionally deciding to let the season go on its merry way without me. 

Something about this year just feels like it isn’t worth the hassle, or the clean up, or whatever. I’m not putting up my tree, and most of my other holiday decorations are staying boxed up as well. I put the usual set of lights up around my front door a few weeks ago, but I’ve only thought to even plug them in once or twice. I’m not filling my house or my car with Christmas music, either from my own library or the local radio station that switches over to all Christmas music for the season. I’m not planning on attending any parties or events (not that there’s a long list to pass on), and I’m uninterested in being a part of any kind of Secret Santa-type gift exchange at work. I have a short list of favorite Christmas movies I usually make a point to watch each year, but I haven’t even looked them up on the schedule to make sure I catch them, and I know I’ve already missed a few. Going out of my way to watch “A Charlie Brown Christmas” might end up being my only intentional nod to the holiday season this year.

Christmas hasn’t been a big event holiday with my family for years. Depending on my sister’s work schedule (because hospitals don’t close for anything), it’s entirely possible our family will plan our get-together time on Christmas Eve or Dec. 26th instead, or for only a few hours in the afternoon or evening on Dec. 25. We do the same thing with birthdays, to be honest — as long as we make the time to celebrate or acknowledge whatever event is bringing us together, it’s not as important to us what date the calendar says. Because of this, it’s not impossible to think I could end up spending most, or all, of my Christmas Day home alone napping my way in and out of a Netflix binge or settled in with a good book. I’d be completely fine with that. 

If you or your family have any big magical holiday plans you’re looking forward to, I wish you all the best with those. I genuinely hope everything about the season you’re looking forward to lives up to your anticipation and maybe even surpasses it. Enjoy the parties, the baking, the lights, the movies, the music, the magic, and the continuation of any family or personal traditions you hold dear or are just beginning to make a part of your lives. 

I’ll be fine thinking about the next few weeks as just being December, with a family day or two worked in there.