Okay. Here we go….
Gardetto’s or Savory Chex Mix?
I don’t know if I’ve ever had Savory Chex Mix if it’s a store-bought product. I’m okay with Gardetto’s, even if they put in too many pretzels and those big delicious roundish flat things that remind me of the little packs of crackers that family restaurants had on the tables back in the 70s and early 80s always make me afraid I’m going to break a tooth.
What are the top 5 Doritos?
In almost no particular order:
*Nacho Cheese
*Cool Ranch
*Sweet Chili
*Taco
*The best kind of Dorito, tragically, isn’t made anymore. Back in the late 80s/early 90s, there was a flavor called “Jumpin’ Jack,” and they were AMAZING. If I could go back in time, I would go back to the back half of my college years, find a Tom Thumb store, and buy enough to bring back until I died.
This also seems like a good time to mention the Dorito thought experiment I came up with a few years ago, which is an offshoot of the Peanut M&M thought experiment: In every bag of Peanut M&Ms, there’s always one M&M with a rotten, stank peanut in it that ruins the bag. I’d argue that probability dictates that eventually there would be (or has been) an entire bag that consists of nothing but M&Ms with rotten peanuts inside of them. On the flip side of this, almost every bag of Doritos has at least one Dorito with a deliciously inordinate amount of flavor powder on it, which leads me to believe that there will eventually be (or has been) a bag of Doritos that consists of nothing but Doritos with way more than normal amounts of flavor powder.
5 favourite bird species (I didn't put the "u" in there)
Thanksgiving turkeys
Rotisserie chickens
That bird that they had a funeral for on The Office
Whatever species Freddie’s bird toy, which we call Bird, is supposed to be
Cardinals, since Erin sometimes uses them to talk to me.
Three things you are going to do after you close up your classroom for the year
Um…maybe I shouldn’t say this too loud, but I’ve been farmed out into another distance learning classroom since I got back, and my classroom has been used as a potential Covid triage center in my absence. So, technically, instead of closing up my room I only need to pray hard and frequently that it will be nice and clean and Covid-free and safe when we return in the fall. But to not ditch the question: 1. It is my great hope that people will be going out to lunch after all of the last day packing is done so I can see my friends one last time altogether and get some feeling of closure on the year. 2. I’ll come home and feel an odd sense of displacement for the rest of that night. 3. I will proceed to spend the following two weeks not doing a single worthwhile thing, and just being instead.
What is your favorite kind of popcorn/movie snack?
It’s changed over the years. If I was going to see a movie this weekend, I’d get a popcorn with butter and some salt, not going crazy with either, and a Fountain mixed Cherry Vanilla Diet Coke.
What is something you are looking forward to, and what is something you are glad is over?
Kind of a basic answer, but I’m looking forward to that first Monday of summer break. The frustrations have been different than usual and low-grade compared to most years, but they’re still there. I am very happy that my taxes are done.
What would you have liked to have seen happen for the ending of Game of Thrones?
I think generally it was okay. I thought Dany going crazy would have worked if that story arc would have played out over two seasons instead of two episodes. So much had been put in motion to make Jon Snow the king that he should have been in the end, but if it went that way I would have liked to have seen him move all the Kingly stuff out of King’s Landing and either back to his hometown or beyond The Wall.
What kind of tree do you think would be best for drinking a beer under?
Not being a beer drinker, I have to defer to my cousin Paul on this one.
What are your top 5 concerts and why?
*Spock’s Beard reunion for Morsefest and a live performance of their Snow album, and not just because Dax and I are both visible in the concert video that was recorded that night
*Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band on the Tunnel of Love Express Tour
*Rush on the Time Machine Tour at the Gorge in Washington
*Dream Theater in Seattle in 2014
*One of Bruce Hornsby’s shows with his whole band; they’ve all been too great to differentiate between.
Have you ever met a celebrity and if so who was it?
I’m going with Justin Cronin on this and I don’t care if there are all kinds of people who don’t recognize his name. In my eyes, he counts.
What is the most rebellious thing you did in high school?
I was a huge nerd in high school, and got all the rebelliousness out of my system in 9th grade. Maybe that time I kicked a hole in the wall of the hallway? Does that count?
What is your most favorite thing to do?
Anything that allows me to relax and enjoy the rare moments when there is absolutely nothing stirring up stress or worry in my life.
If you weren’t a teacher (or an author) what would you be/what would you do for a living?
I know for a fact if I were to ever go back to college to earn another degree to either pursue a new career or just out of personal interest, I’d absolutely want to be a sociologist. I think I could pull off being a therapist too, if I could put my own issues aside long enough.
If someone owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way to the center of the earth?
Only in Texas. Everywhere else the cutoff point is eighty-seven feet.
If you could go on vacation anywhere in the world (and not worry about COVID), where would you go and why?
The most obvious answer would be to go to Seattle to see my PNW family, since I haven’t been there in years. More bucket-list wise, I think Iceland or New Zealand would be interesting destinations.
How much would you need to win (lottery or other) to be “okay” for the rest of your life?
I am a man of simple and humble needs. In lottery terms, I’d need enough to maybe buy a nicer, but not crazy nicer house, a good, comfortable, reliable car, be able to sustain a modestly comfortable lifestyle that would allow me to live out my years with a rotation of trophy wives and subsequent divorces.
What is your all-time favorite pair of pajamas?
The blue ones.
If you could only get sammiches from one place for the rest of your life, where would you go?
A really nice grocery store, because they’d have a really nice deli and the widest variety of ingredients scattered throughout the inventory.
Where do you start brushing your teeth, inside top, outside top, inside bottom or outside bottom?
Paul, you’ve asked this in a previous Q & A. And I already answered it. It’s time we all moved on.
If you could be any combination of two animals (varied features), what would you be?
An enigma.
5 places you’d like to visit:
Since I already mentioned Seattle, Iceland, and New Zealand, I’ll make new choices:
*The version of New York City that exists exclusively in Nora Ephron movies
*Las Vegas, since I haven’t been there in about twenty years, but only in August when it’s 114 degrees there because that was an otherworldly experience
*The office of an editor at a Big Five publishing house after my eight-figure book deal was solidified
*I’ve heard intriguing things about this “Mall of America”
*Any performance venue in the greater Seattle area where Alter Bridge was performing.
John Carlson?
Some questions are without answers.
