One of my all-time favorite television shows is “The West Wing.” In one episode, Donna Moss was talking to Josh Lyman about the bands being lined up to play a Rock the Vote event. She rattled off a list of five to ten names, all of which would have sounded ridiculous out of context, including a fake one just to see if Josh would notice. He called her on it but guessed the wrong one: Donna named her fake band “Single-Cell Paramecium.”
I thought of this episode the other day while listening to one of my favorite bands as I drove to work, because this band also has an arguably ridiculous name. And as so many things to these days, thinking about band names spiraled me back to the revision work I’m currently doing. One of my characters is a grandfather, and not the kind of guy who’d be keeping up with the weekly Top Ten lists on iTunes. It occurred to me I probably have a lot of bands in my music library that he would think were either ridiculous or made up as a part of some prank. I scanned through the library and came up with a list of twenty-five. These names seem completely normal to me because I have albums and songs and musicians that I associate with each of them, to say nothing of any emotional attachment I have to any of their music. But without my personal context, I have to admit some of these names are more than a little out there. And I’d be surprised if more than a few people could honestly say they’ve heard of every band on this list. If you recognize any, just pretend for a moment you've never heard of the band before and try to see the name at face value.
The Airborne Toxic Event
Arcade Fire
Better Than Ezra
Cloud Cult
The Dead Weather
Faith No More
How to Destroy Angels
Imagine Dragons
Japandroids
Jimmy Eat World
Liquid Tension Experiment
The Mars Volta
Mute Math
My Chemical Romance
My Morning Jacket
The Pineapple Thief
Porcupine Tree
Toad the Wet Sprocket
Red Dragon Cartel
Spock’s Beard
Stone Temple Pilots
Toad the Wet Sprocket
Third Eye Blind
Velvet Revolver
30 Seconds to Mars
(For the record, the band I was listening to on the way to work was Porcupine Tree, and they’re great. If anyone is feeling curious and adventurous enough to check them out, I’d recommend their album “Deadwing” as a nice accessible introduction.)
Friday, May 2, 2014
Thursday, May 1, 2014
Day 1 - Testing Patience
Do you remember that boredom montage from “The Breakfast Club,” right before the principal walked into the media center and asked his inmates if they wanted a bathroom break? It showed each of the five doing something to pass the time that was somehow indicative of their characters: The jock was playing with the string on his sweatshirt, the outcast was using her dandruff to make it snow on the picture she’d just drawn on her desk, and so on. I’m always reminded of that when I go through my run of proctoring tests. Procedure dictates the students are allowed as much time as necessary to complete these tests to their best of their ability. This inevitably means some people will finish long before others.
Even if testing goes on for hours and hours, it’s our job to be aware of all that’s happening in the room in case someone needs our help. On one hand, this is as boring as you might think. But on the other hand, you get to see a lot of the goofy things kids do to pass the time when they’re done with their tests and have to wait right along with you. Some will take naps, some will actually read the books they brought, some might decide to draw. Over the years I’ve also seen them do everything from coloring the teeth on a sweatshirt zipper with a highlighter to drawing faces on eraser caps to playing peek-a-boo across the room with a friend, to just so many nose picks.
One testing day many, many years ago I had a kid that absolutely took the cake on passing the time. Everyone had moved their desks apart, which is the usual thing we teachers will have the kids do on testing days to discourage cheating. One kid (we’ll call him Grant today; not his real name) pushed his desk into an unobtrusive kind of a nook created by the back counter and a bookshelf sticking out from the wall. One of his buddies (we’ll call him Timmy; not his real name either) sat closer to the front and pushed his desk against mine so we were practically sitting face to face. (There’s always at least one little wisenheimer who does this.) We got through the morning just fine, but when the afternoon session was done Grant finished pretty early. Somehow his ten-year-old brain arrived at the conclusion that his best option for passing time was to sit face down with his lips smashed against the surface of his desktop and push his head around in an ever-widening, saliva-lubricated ellipse. The motion soon caught my attention, and it was both so hypnotic and disgusting it was impossible not to look at. Normally I would have kept watching just to see how long he’d keep it up, but I was distracted by a repressed snort from right in front of my desk. I turned me head and saw Grant’s friend Timmy, watching me watch Grant.
We locked eyes for a brief moment, but that was all it took before we were both ready to explode in laughter. I had to look away to keep it together, and Timmy opened the book he’d finished that morning to a random page just so he’d have a reason to hide his face from me. We spent a good twenty minutes on the verge of blooper-reel levels of laughing fits. Any time for the rest of that session when I had to get up and walk around or even just scan the room from my desk, I had to make a point not to look at Timmy, even long after Grant had found something else to do. When the last person finished and I called time, Timmy began laughing so hard I thought he might break a blood vessel, and of course I started laughing too. Everyone wanted to know what was so funny but we couldn’t even talk. When things eventually calmed down and the other students stopped caring, Timmy went and told Grant what we’d been laughing about. When he was done telling the story, both boys looked over at me. All Grant could do was smile with amusement and laugh and shrug, as if to say, “Seriously. What else was I going to do?” All I could do was laugh and shake my head.
Knowing how boring tests are from the teacher point of view and remembering what they were like as a student, I couldn’t really blame him. I just hoped his desk was never the one the custodian would set the garbage can on in the evenings when he came through to sweep the floor.
Even if testing goes on for hours and hours, it’s our job to be aware of all that’s happening in the room in case someone needs our help. On one hand, this is as boring as you might think. But on the other hand, you get to see a lot of the goofy things kids do to pass the time when they’re done with their tests and have to wait right along with you. Some will take naps, some will actually read the books they brought, some might decide to draw. Over the years I’ve also seen them do everything from coloring the teeth on a sweatshirt zipper with a highlighter to drawing faces on eraser caps to playing peek-a-boo across the room with a friend, to just so many nose picks.
One testing day many, many years ago I had a kid that absolutely took the cake on passing the time. Everyone had moved their desks apart, which is the usual thing we teachers will have the kids do on testing days to discourage cheating. One kid (we’ll call him Grant today; not his real name) pushed his desk into an unobtrusive kind of a nook created by the back counter and a bookshelf sticking out from the wall. One of his buddies (we’ll call him Timmy; not his real name either) sat closer to the front and pushed his desk against mine so we were practically sitting face to face. (There’s always at least one little wisenheimer who does this.) We got through the morning just fine, but when the afternoon session was done Grant finished pretty early. Somehow his ten-year-old brain arrived at the conclusion that his best option for passing time was to sit face down with his lips smashed against the surface of his desktop and push his head around in an ever-widening, saliva-lubricated ellipse. The motion soon caught my attention, and it was both so hypnotic and disgusting it was impossible not to look at. Normally I would have kept watching just to see how long he’d keep it up, but I was distracted by a repressed snort from right in front of my desk. I turned me head and saw Grant’s friend Timmy, watching me watch Grant.
We locked eyes for a brief moment, but that was all it took before we were both ready to explode in laughter. I had to look away to keep it together, and Timmy opened the book he’d finished that morning to a random page just so he’d have a reason to hide his face from me. We spent a good twenty minutes on the verge of blooper-reel levels of laughing fits. Any time for the rest of that session when I had to get up and walk around or even just scan the room from my desk, I had to make a point not to look at Timmy, even long after Grant had found something else to do. When the last person finished and I called time, Timmy began laughing so hard I thought he might break a blood vessel, and of course I started laughing too. Everyone wanted to know what was so funny but we couldn’t even talk. When things eventually calmed down and the other students stopped caring, Timmy went and told Grant what we’d been laughing about. When he was done telling the story, both boys looked over at me. All Grant could do was smile with amusement and laugh and shrug, as if to say, “Seriously. What else was I going to do?” All I could do was laugh and shake my head.
Knowing how boring tests are from the teacher point of view and remembering what they were like as a student, I couldn’t really blame him. I just hoped his desk was never the one the custodian would set the garbage can on in the evenings when he came through to sweep the floor.
Sunday, April 27, 2014
Another Thirty-One
Earlier today I was reflecting on the events in my daily life from a year ago and how much has changed since then. Some of the things happening to me and the people in my world in that time have been great, some have been pretty dark, and a lot of them could really be tagged as life-changing. As I was processing all of this, I thought back to the Momentum project I had going last year, and how my goal for May had been to write a blog post for each day of the month. The results were somewhat mixed depending on how you look at it, and even though I reached the goal I didn't really come through it with any new realizations about the purpose for keeping a blog, which ultimately I had kind of been hoping for.
However, some recent conversations I've had brought me back to what the reason had originally been when I started the blog: simply to write. I wanted to give my brain and my written voice some exercise, to explore some topics that I might otherwise not write about, and to generally keep the writing in shape. A lot of my non-school time is already devoted to writing and rewriting and editing and revising and thinking about revising and editing again when I decide what I've written kind of sucks.... you get the idea. I'm approaching all of that work with a newfound purpose and direction, and even though it doesn't always come easy there's a built-in excitement about it that pushes me forward. Making time for blog posts along the way? That could be more of a challenge, and I think it would be good for me. It's been my experience that writing a blog is a lot like exercising, because if you let yourself slip out of the habit it's not easy to pick back up where you left off. And I think this might be the perfect opportunity to give "Summer Vacation" a jump-start back into activity.
So today's big announcement is that, just like I did last year, I'm challenging myself to write some kind of blog post every day for the month of May. I'll post links on both Facebook and Twitter to keep myself accountable, and I'll do my darnedest to make sure clicking on those links will be worthwhile. If I remember right, I only half-surrendered and hit the wall one time last year, so cross your fingers I'll be able to come up with better ideas than cutting and pasting in my grocery lists. Because nobody wants to read that.
Wish me luck, and stay tuned....
However, some recent conversations I've had brought me back to what the reason had originally been when I started the blog: simply to write. I wanted to give my brain and my written voice some exercise, to explore some topics that I might otherwise not write about, and to generally keep the writing in shape. A lot of my non-school time is already devoted to writing and rewriting and editing and revising and thinking about revising and editing again when I decide what I've written kind of sucks.... you get the idea. I'm approaching all of that work with a newfound purpose and direction, and even though it doesn't always come easy there's a built-in excitement about it that pushes me forward. Making time for blog posts along the way? That could be more of a challenge, and I think it would be good for me. It's been my experience that writing a blog is a lot like exercising, because if you let yourself slip out of the habit it's not easy to pick back up where you left off. And I think this might be the perfect opportunity to give "Summer Vacation" a jump-start back into activity.
So today's big announcement is that, just like I did last year, I'm challenging myself to write some kind of blog post every day for the month of May. I'll post links on both Facebook and Twitter to keep myself accountable, and I'll do my darnedest to make sure clicking on those links will be worthwhile. If I remember right, I only half-surrendered and hit the wall one time last year, so cross your fingers I'll be able to come up with better ideas than cutting and pasting in my grocery lists. Because nobody wants to read that.
Wish me luck, and stay tuned....
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