Welcome to another month of daily posts here at ‘Summer Vacation.’ In what could best be described as either an experiment or a goal, this year I'm trying to link each of my thirty-one May posts into a form of loosely-connected narrative. You see, normally once the calendar flips to May, there are reasons to celebrate: springtime weather has arrived, bringing more daylight and warmer temperatures; we’re down to the last full month of the school year, with the tantalizing promise of summer in the not-too-distant future; my birthday even shows up this month, for anyone who might feel that’s important (which isn’t necessarily me). May is when the world seems to open back up for real as the cold, gray, damp, dark depression that has plagued our lives since probably November finally fades away.
This year, however? Not so much. This year I’m finding that as we step into the first day of May, I am just a few degrees away from being pretty thoroughly burned out.
Without elaborating, it hasn’t always been a warm and easy and comfortable year at school. For numerous and varied reasons, this year has presented a number of unusual challenges, particularly in recent months. Stress is high and morale is low, and I think everyone feels it to some degree, and there’s so much coming and going from different directions that it couldn't be pinned on any one person or source. Suffice it to say that our school is on the verge of what promises to be the most transitional year we’ve had in well over a decade. I can’t imagine how anyone on our staff, from the teachers to the custodians to the principal to the office staff to the playground supervisors, would be immune from the tension and stressors these changes are bringing into our lives. We have a good staff, though. And we’re all coping with things the best we can. All of the uncertainties we’re will eventually straighten themselves out, and I’m confident we’ll be ready to move forward into whatever the next school year will be.
I know that out of all the question marks people at school are facing right now, mine have to be among the most insignificant. Still, as someone who too often lets my empathy get the better of me, it’s difficult to watch people who are important to me struggling to cope or try and figure out what they want from their futures, and that itself can take an emotional toll. Which it has.
I don’t like being a person who wakes up wondering which problem will dominate the day, or what new ones might surface. I don’t like seeing my friends living with so much uncertainty. I don’t like spending the first two hours of my work day wishing I were somewhere else. I don’t like wondering who I can trust or who trusts me, or if I’m inventing trust issues that don’t really exist in the first place. I don’t like being this person directly, or even indirectly, dealing with these things when I know the class I’ve worked with for the past two years deserves more. They’ve been a good group, and, predictable and petty gripes and frustrations aside, they deserve a strong finish to this year if it’s going to be the end of our time together. Not to mention I think I’ve been in the game long enough now that I’ve probably earned the right to end my school year on a positive note, instead of limping out to my car to drive home feeling used up on that last day.
So I’ve decided not to be that person. Or at least take as many steps as I can in the effort of fighting that person off.
Getting back to that connecting narrative I mentioned in the beginning? Each of my posts this month will somehow reflect on what I can try or what I am doing, at least tangentially, to fight back this feeling of being burned out. What are the positive things I have that can help me find more balance if I focus my energy in different directions? How can I be more of a help to the people around me going through the same things? How can I reconcile whatever changes are coming my way, and are there any positives to find in them? What good do I have that I should refocus on, or what are some new levels of good I can explore? How can I get myself to the end of this month and be mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally ready to send my students off into their summer vacations and futures with positive and memorable closure?
This is only Day 1. Stay tuned and find out. I know I’m curious to find out what will happen.
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