Day 9: Constructive Summer

I don't know what it was, exactly.

I didn't have a bad day. Comparatively I had an incredibly easy day at school. A test during each block of math, working on go-cart designs during each block of science. Recess duty without any fires to put out, no behavior problems to deal with. Overall it wasn't a bad day. Still, I felt like a sack of room temperature oatmeal by the end of it. No energy, no motivation, no will to do anything but go home and wait until I fell asleep sitting on the couch beside my dog.

For the record, I didn't sleep great the night before. I usually have podcasts playing in the background all night long like a white noise machine, and I think they were turned up just loud enough to keep me from falling asleep for real. Won't be making that mistake again tonight, I can tell you.

I was so tired by the end of the day that I really felt the weight of the school year ending. We're in the teens now when it comes to counting the remaining student days, and I caught myself running through the variables of what was left: How many more times I had recess, how many more PLCs I had to attend, how many more days of lessons plans I still have to write, how many more days I have to live through the smell of my 32 fifth graders after they finish Phy. Ed.

It didn't feel like the right way to anticipate summer. Countdowns should ideally be counting how much time remains until something good happens instead of how much time there still is until something ends. There are a lot of endings associated with this school year that aren't all good, so I really tried to think of a way to reframe the time left.

I have some projects in mind that I'm looking forward to beginning. Those are all long-term things though, the kind of projects to work on a little bit at a time and hope there's some progress to show for the efforts by the time school starts again. I don't really have any big, defining thing about this summer to look forward to right now.

Usually there's something. There's something wrong about having some 70-80 days off from work and not taking advantage of it for one big project or adventure or event. There have been a few vacations, or weekends based around family weddings, or home improvement steps like getting everything inside repainted. Last summer was easily defined by bringing a dog into my home.

This summer, at least so far? Not really much of anything.

Travel would be easy, but it's kind of tricky right now. I'd need a place for Freddie to stay where he'd be comfortable and safe. That means either someone staying with him at my house or him going somewhere I know he won't be scared or try to run away from. I refuse to put him in a kennel since he's already had too much of that in his life, and I don't know what kind of trip I could take with him that would be truly relaxing.

Home improvement? Maybe. There's certainly cleaning to do, but I'd have to think about what I'd need or want done that would qualify as a major project.

Part of me feels like falling into a routine with different things to work on won't be so bad if that's how break turns out. But it feels like a wasted opportunity if I don't take more advantage of it.

It's a good thing I still have eighteen days of school lunches to figure something out.