About a year and a half ago, a friend of mine who’s been fairly supportive of my writing took it upon herself to read one of my manuscripts to her homeroom class. It was a good fit at the time: A ghost story written for a target audience the age her students were, read right around the same time as Halloween. Some observant students noticed she wasn’t reading a bound paperback but a collection of printed pages, and soon she revealed to them that it was an unpublished manuscript by “a local author,” or some equivalent vague phrase. I’d asked her to keep my identify a secret until she was done since I didn’t want their perception of the book filtered through the perspective of knowing it was written by one of the teachers in their school. She told them by the end, and I even went to her classroom to do some Q and A afterward, which was probably more interesting for me than it was for them.
I’m bringing this up because I believe something similar is about to happen again. One of our specialist blocks is called “Character Education,” during which the students are given experiences that will hopefully encourage them to develop a stronger sense of character as they grow up. One of the more common activities is when the paraprofessional guiding the block reads a book to the class. Unless I’m mistaken, the next book the kids are about to hear is another manuscript of mine.
As self-serving as that might seem to have her read something I did, it wasn’t really my first choice. I have a number of favorite books that would be great Character Ed. reads, but as our para previewed some we weren’t having any luck finding a title that would work. I asked around to get some ideas from other people, but we still couldn’t find a fit. The problem was timing: Since the third trimester began today, there’s only so much time left in the school year, and both our para and I felt it was important that whatever book the students would be hearing was something they’d have time to hear to its conclusion. Running out of ideas, I suggested one of mine that I knew there’d be time for and would be a fit as far as content. After reading most of it she agreed it met the criteria we were looking for. She planned on finishing it over break, and unless she had a serious change of heart since I spoke to her about it last, I’d expect she’s going to begin reading it either this week or next.
Personally, I’m kind of torn on this. From one point of view, I’m hopeful she’s going to read it and I’d be excited to know all three of our 5th grade classes will be hearing it. A copy of a different manuscript has been getting passed around between a couple dozen students this year, and even more have been asking to read it or something else I’ve written. I’m happy they’ll get a chance to hear this now, and I think it could be good closure on the year to share this with them since they’ll get to see a different side of me other than just Mr. Math Class Guy. I’d also like to think that having them see someone they already know from a completely different perspective would be an added level of character education.
However, I’m going to have to leave the room while it’s being read. I would be too distracted to sit at my desk and hear it, thinking about things I could revise or knowing what jokes or emotional markers are coming up and waiting for the reactions, then second-guessing myself when it doesn’t get the reaction I’d hope for and so on. And I would do this, because the manuscript she’s going to read, “Following Infinity,” is the one I’ve decided is my favorite of everything I’ve written. Whenever the self-doubt creeps in (frequently) and I start feeling like some pretender who just pretentiously babbles on about being a writer, this is the manuscript I can dig out and look at and think, “Okay yeah, but I did, in fact, write THIS. So maybe I’ve got some game after all.” This manuscript is so internal for me that I can reread it now and feel memories from the events of story almost as if they really took place. Even though it still needs some polishing before I ever try sending it back into the world (which I’d suspect is going to be my big project this summer), I am as proud of it as anything else I’ve ever written.
So I guess I’m writing this tonight just to put out there that this is going to be happening, probably. I expect I’m going to have some reactions to it along the way and perhaps I’ll be writing about some of that here just to process what I’m thinking and feeling about it. I’m looking forward to being in the middle of having that book read to a group of people who’ve become important to me, many of whom will be genuinely interested in hearing the story. It should be interesting.
And if it turns out that she’s found a different title to read, well, so be it. A big part of being a writer involves shaking off disappointment. No matter what happens, I’m still proud of it.
